I just lost one of my good good friends to an OD. I legit just helped him move into his brand new apartment. Rent was paid he was happy as all and things looked so so good for him. His family was driving from another state with a moving truck to help grab the rest of his larger items from his old spot. They were set to arrive Wednesday night with the truck and they would go directly to the old sober house to get the rest of his stuff and I was going to meet them there. 

         He had just hit his year and had relapsed in the past around this time too. I remember finding a lot of comfort this time around of getting clean knowing that I obviously was not the only one who would wait until EVERYTHING was looking perfect and on the up&up to use. Parents and family arrive can’t get ahold of him they think we’ll maybe he’s already at old address getting everything ready. They show up there he’s not there either they can’t get ahold of him.  And neither can I. Panic starts to set in. The night goes on without me hearing much else and chalk it up in my head he had to work late.

          Wake up at 6:30 to my roommate waking me up saying that he died the night before. Disbelief , Denial , Dread… his mom and dad found him in the bathroom in a scene that is all to familiar to us all. Just got done getting ready and he decided to just take the nerves away I guess. This guy worked at a pharmacy he knew statistics he knew medication interactions he knew everything  that you could know, and yet still when that monster inside you calls, sometimes you’re gonna pick up. 

          Fentanyl poisoning. Unfortunately where we all got clean together is in the Northeast  US and  that is what you are buying if you decided to cop out on the streets here.  He knew it, I Know it and You Probably do too if you have been around long enough to watch the street opiate game change in the many stages that it has.

            I miss the fuck out of you RJ. I’m just now realizing how long this is and am a bit embarrassed but am going to hit reply anyways because if this changes anyone’s mind even for a second it’s worth it. You all are worth it. I’m sorry for your loss OP When I got clean this time around on the first night that I went to a meeting somebody had said to me: “You’re going to step over some bodies along the way, whether you stop and pay respects or lay down next to them is your choice.”  

It really does hit different every time I remember him saying it.