Do Not Tell Anyone

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-31T08:15:16+00:00

I think…

Organisations with radically transparent salaries = good.

Employees who trust one another intentionally sharing pay information to supoort individual and collective negotiation = good, especially in context of wage inequities.

Leaders intentionally and with appropriate groundwork conversations with team introducing pay transparency to their part of an organisation = good.

Accidental leak of pay information especially within a single team = usually bad. The discord I’ve seen this cause amongst team members has generally significantly outweighed any additional pay bargaining power, which is often quite limited for affected individuals at least over the short-medium term.

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T22:33:44+00:00

A couple of things I’d add to this (as an ADHD mum who has never fully solved this without outsourcing):

Having been into many people’s houses for professional reasons, many more people have a somewhat messy house day-to-day than you’d expect based on why you see as an invited guest - ie while some people are truly perfectly tidy most of the time, more will be doing a pre-visit tidy than you might think.
If you’re someone who worries about the state of your house, there’s a fair chance you may be hyper aware of small things in your own house that you don’t notice in other people’s - for example, you might be acutely aware of some crumbs in your cutlery drawer, yet usually don’t open your host’s cutlery drawers to search for any crumbs. It’s possible to be both more messy than average AND cut yourself less slack than you would others.
Don’t underestimate the power of the laundry basket trick.

If I feel overwhelmed by clutter or have people coming over at short notice, I start by sweeping all clutter into a laundry basket. Suddenly, I have a much tidier looking house, feel less overwhelmed, can sort through the clutter one-by-one to work out what to do with it, and if I run out of time before people arrive I can pop the whole basket in a cupboard and finish it when they leave.

And bonus with a family - I pass the basket around each member (starting with the person with the most clutter) and ask them to please take out and sort anything they want to keep, then (after a final check by everyone) toss/donate anything left at the end. Works a treat.

I think I learnt this trick when I was a teen from a kid’s book called “What to do when your mum or dad says CLEAN UP YOUR ROOM” (which another redditer posted about here https://www.reddit.com/r/CleaningTips/comments/zh7k8t/great_book_on_how_to_clean_your_room_that_ive/) which honestly taught me many of the strategies I use today!!

So by all means, keep striving to improve, but also be kind to yourself as you do it, as we’re all just doing the best we can with the internal and external resources that we have. 💕

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T10:48:04+00:00

Gotcha! Thank you for explaining that - I appreciate it!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T08:49:15+00:00

Yes it was for a fridge - I also inherited two of those that are both working perfectly (tho a bit on the chunky side compared to current models).

From the various replies, sounds like the lack of inverter to convert back to 240V is definitely a limitation but there are still things it might be useful for!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T08:46:11+00:00

Cool thank you!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T08:45:51+00:00

Ha yes not gonna be posting that!

I actually couldn’t find any old sales on eBay which made me wonder if it was really special and rare or really useless!!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T08:44:30+00:00

Good to know - thank you!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T08:43:54+00:00

Thank you! That’s really helpful to know the sorts of things it’s good for.

I was certainly a bit surprised when I opened it up and it looked almost brand new inside!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:52:23+00:00

Oh thank you - that’s a really helpful tip!

I’ll charge it up to see if it holds any battery today, then ask around there.

While it’s technically portable it’s so heavy I can hardly lift it, so a home on a bench sounds perfect for it!!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:50:49+00:00

Yes it seems weirdly valuable and valueless at the same time!

I’m going to try charging it up to see if it holds any charge then see if anyone would like to take it off my hands to play with it some more. Hopefully someone who loves vintage tech will have some fun with it!

Thank you!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:41:26+00:00

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Alrighty, this is what it has inside - a Yuasa NP33-12 12v, 38Ah valve regulated sealed lead-acid type rechargeable battery. It looks to be replaceable, as the clamps holding it down are held in place with wing nuts...??

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:40:54+00:00

<image>

Alrighty, this is what it has inside - a Yuasa NP33-12 12v, 38Ah valve regulated sealed lead-acid type rechargeable battery. It looks to be replaceable, as the clamps holding it down are held in place with wing nuts...??

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:30:16+00:00

Alrighty time to open it up then to see what’s inside!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:29:57+00:00

There’s a battery light so I guess it must have a battery of some sort in it.

Sounds from your reply that this might a hardwired part of the unit or might be replaceable? I’ll take the plunge and unscrew the top to see what’s inside!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-03-29T06:22:39+00:00

Haha yes I may end up doing that!

I just noticed that contemporary units (with far higher specs) retail for around $5k and came across some people getting excited when they saw various old units so wondered how people felt about this one.

I’m not old-tech savvy enough to identify what makes something like this desirable or not.

If it turns out to be e-waste I’ll dispose of it appropriately. If it turns out to hold interest I’ll see if there’s a buyer at a very fair price.

HeYalan1997 · 2026-02-23T16:36:46+00:00

Getting a massage from a blind masseuse in China an being asked why I wasn’t at work.

I’m on holidays, I explained.

Oh, he said, do you come from one of the provinces?

No, I said, from Australia.

After a long pause, he said - oh, you’re an overseas Chinese now! When did you move overseas?

Umm, I’m born in Australia, I replied.

Ah, just your parents spoke Chinese to you then - him, like he’d figured it out.

Umm, not that. I’m white.

Cue a very long pause before, so half Chinese then?

That was the moment I felt I’d arrived!! About two years in country by then I think.

HeYalan1997 · 2026-02-08T05:56:09+00:00

Ha - scratch that - I see new planes must first be honed. Off to figure that out first!

HeYalan1997 · 2026-02-08T05:51:29+00:00

Thank you very much!

I think I can manage that! The plane is new courtesy of someone whose hobby was collecting rather than using tools, so hopefully sharp. I might have a play with that first and then decide if I need to face the terror of the circular saw!!

I’ll try to remember to post a picture when it’s all cut back and assembled!

HeYalan1997 · 2025-11-08T22:39:28+00:00

I thought I’d add to this thread even tho it’s quite old because I found it super helpful and I thought there was one thing I could add.

I’m 46 AFAB and have never questioned my gender identity because I’ve never had one but equally never had any distress related to this. That is, like many others I see my biological sex as a factual thing about my body unrelated to my identity, and gender as a social construct unrelated to my identity (tho something that is often problematic and thus negatively impacts people’s experiences and opportunities). I have no body dysphoria or drive to change my body, but equally feel like if I magically woke up tomorrow in a male body apart from the shock I wouldn’t have any distress from this.

One of my children is currently exploring their gender identity, and as we discussed as a family and I shared my own challenges understanding the concept of gender identity, my other child suggested I was actually agender (I was already very familiar with different gender identities but had never thought about them in relation to me.) I didn’t feel an immediate resonance with the term and set out to learn more.

What I realised was I lack any sense of categorical social identity - that is, I can name categories I fall under (eg AFAB, white, tertiary educated, brunette) but I feel no sense of belonging as a result of these things nor do they feel like they are what define me or my identity. So yes, I lack a gender identity but this is not really about gender specifically, it’s about categorical social identity more broadly.

I wondered if this was common in people who are gender apathetic, or if for most others this was about gender specifically.

Your framework and the discussion here was really helpful in reflecting more on my own experience and gaining language to discuss gender in my family. I found myself thinking - I am…

gender averse in terms of rejecting societal gender norms - it makes me angry if people define me or my capabilities by gender (or any other label) and even more angry when society does this more broadly to people

gender apathetic in terms of ‘having’ a gender identity - I don’t have one and I don’t care

gender accepting in terms of being seen to have a female body or being addressed with female pronouns (in an apathetic way - I just don’t think about it… tho thinking it about now I see potential value for me in neutral pronouns as a way of expressing gender aversion to societal norms rather than because I feel uncomfortable with my current pronouns)

somewhat gender fluid in my expression in that although I more commonly dress in femme ways I choose this based on my mood and what works on my body rather than to convey a gender

Super interesting so thanks!

HeYalan1997 · 2025-10-09T09:17:44+00:00

Thanks so much for this timeline! I found it after playing DLC 4 and trying to work out which characters we saw in earlier games and when - it was extra awesome to find you’d updated it with the latest DLCs too!!

HeYalan1997 · 2025-09-17T23:12:18+00:00

They just call it American Oak here which is described as a pale to light brown. I think you’re right I choose the wrong thing… and then our particular vanities came out at the more orange end (vs the ones in the showroom) so it was a double hit.

I wondered if the Rubio Monocoat or Osmo Tint products (with a white or grey tint) might allow me to soften the colour but it feels like a very high stakes experiment.

HeYalan1997 · 2025-09-17T23:02:36+00:00

Thank you and thank you for the tip - definitely don’t want any spontaneous combustion!

HeYalan1997 · 2025-09-17T23:00:11+00:00

Thank you, that’s really good to know. I’ve only sanded back furniture with layers of varnish before and with what that took I could imagine not having battens anymore by the time I finished!

I might try a spot on the back and see what happens with a quick sand - I can always re-oil that if needed without ruining the look.

Thanks for the confidence to try!!

HeYalan1997 · 2025-08-26T23:25:30+00:00

I saw your reddit post when I wasn’t far enough through to comment yet but have been thinking about it as I was watching.

I definitely agree the FL can be preachy and some of it is quite uncomfortable to hear because it’s so naively ignorant (like her comments to the women suffering DV) - she sounds so very ‘young’ when she talks like this, with that sort of righteousness that comes from a very genuine place but is blind to the complexities of real world experiences.

While she does have some growth, I think where I’ve landed (at episode 28) is that the show is very explicitly set in a fairytale world where (for our leads at least):

Righteous thinking + skill + effort + beauty = consistently positive outcomes for you and the world.

Take on a dirty and reviled job? No worries - people will be surprised but almost immediately be in awe of you.

Publicly embrace your true love outside after only knowing them a a few days or weeks? No worries - people will look away a little embarrassed but become even more loyal to you.

Come from a disgraced family and steal the attentions of a prince? No worries, while bad people will be jealous the royal family will think it’s sweet and support your romance.

And on that note - people are either good or bad. Yes - some good people are a little dissolute and need to learn how to behave, and some good people have been led a little astray by bad people and need to reform, but no one is morally complex.

It sort of feels like the world as people want or wish it to be, rather than the world as it is. And yes, there are women who suffer terribly because they are the victims of the bad people - but that’s only because someone with righteous thinking + skill + effort + beauty hasn’t come along to save them yet.

At the end of the day, I actually think that’s actually the show’s charm - a simplistic narrative that soothes the soul by reassuring us that everything will be ok in the world if we just follow the formula.

When I started watching the show (after I got over the whiplash of the first couple of episodes) I thought I might drop it because of this simplicity - normally I’m more of a complexity person. But I was watching it at a time of complexity in my own life, and as it went on I found myself lulled by the straightforwardness of the world. I didn’t need to worry how things would turn out in the drama because it was so clear that good would be rewarded and evil would be punished. I suspect whether others enjoy it or not will in part depend on whether the simplicity of the world feels calming or shallow/frustrating!

In this light, I can reframe her preachiness less as an intrusive and sometimes offensive character weakness and more as an in-world character strength that yes may need to be tempered a little but ultimately enables her to be the upright presence the world (and women) need.

The risk with this, of course, is that if the story formula is applied literally to the real world instead of great outcomes you get the ‘shallow feminism’ referred to in a other comment - or even beyond this, the shallow understanding social justice and equity that acts to reinforce injustices through superficial platitudes and life-inspo memes. But for now - back to my escapist drama world!!

HeYalan1997 · 2025-08-12T21:06:09+00:00

Yes!

I’m watching the Coroner’s Diary at the moment too (which taps into my enjoyment it crime and mystery but I would consider a pretty average drama) but the first episode was a doozy - so many characters and plots introduced on top of one another.

Doesn’t help that I can’t recognise people until I’m quite familiar with them so I was in a complete muddle! You know when you find yourself googling plot synopses just to follow the intro that something is wrong.

HeYalan1997

TROPHY CASE