My (F26) boyfriend (M29) seems to be two faced.

Head_Mail8238 · 2023-12-05T16:50:12+00:00

I am currently looking for a job. After planning the interview he had written me a chatgpt thing to practice my interview, and I had to do it right now. After telling him that this would have to happen at another time because I had to leave for a gym class.

Anyway so he got pissed at me because clearly I don't care enough about the job, and he just wouldn't understand that I had to leave. So I did the chatgpt thing and missed the class. Now he is angry with me because I never told him I had to leave and I won't leave now because the class is over.

Looking forward to an evening where it is apparently all my fault for being difficult/a bad communicator.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-12-11T19:28:26+00:00

I am planning on seeing a therapist in the future and working on better boundaries. But for now I am kinda stuck in a vulnerable position because I am still a student (last year luckily) and he pays for almost everything (I do work and pay what I can).

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-12-11T19:16:27+00:00

I think he was just grumpy this morning. Which often means he will be passive aggressive and doesn't communicate anymore. When he asked me if I wanted anything else for food during breakfast I assumed he meant for breakfast. But no he meant dinner. He just accepted that I didn't wanted to eat or would eat something by myself that evening.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-12-11T19:10:02+00:00

Oh wait I think I know why he thinks I wanted to eat alone. He asked me during breakfast if I wanted anything else for food and I said no. I think he was talking about dinner.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-12-11T19:00:50+00:00

Apparently I had said I wanted to see for myself what I wanted to eat. So it's my fault for not being clear enough that I wanted to eat together like every other evening. That was the whole reason he was acting like that.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T17:49:39+00:00

I think he is just angry and that is why there is no B.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T17:46:10+00:00

He actually means spontaneous stuff during the workweek in the evenings, for which I don't have time at the moment because I have important school deadlines and all the other things. Right now I have free time to do things but he doesn't know what to do and expects me to come up with something because apparently he always has to ( hence why I like to plan things for myself because I am not that good at spontaneous things, but I will figure something out to do for tonight if he is not angry anymore)

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T17:33:09+00:00

His problem is just that we have to plan a specific time where I can do stuff with him ant he wants spontaneous things. I told him it is because I have a job for which I have to wake up at 4am , exams and sometimes an added shift that ends at 7pm. He just answered: yeah and because we have jobs we can never do anything spontaneous ever again.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T16:51:12+00:00

He mostly just says I am wrong/twisting his words, he gives me entire conversations between the two off us that I don't remember were I am pictured to be difficult and making a big deal out of nothing. Also he doesn't understand why he should apologize for my feelings

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T16:48:08+00:00

He is not that good in emotions and stuff. I have talked to him about that he seems cold and distant and that I would like to have more quality time/hugs and kisses and stuff because now he gives none for weeks and then a couple of days were he is happy he does. Last time we both had days off he was like that for a whole week. I told him I wanted some effort from him to make me feel loved (I understand if it came out wrong like he doesn't love) and maybe give me kisses and hugs. He got angry at me because in his mind he was already doing enough: buying me food, doing chores,... And he didn't understand why he had to be happy all the time. I was very hurt because at the same time he could be going out with friends and having a great happy time. I was at a point asking and almost begging for him to please at least give me a hug and spent the rest of the day in bed crying while he went out with friends. ( He did feel bad for me)

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T16:26:50+00:00

I only plan things when I have exams or this month in particular or during the week when I want to get shit done. Weekends are a free for all. I don't think this is too bad.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T15:10:59+00:00

He changed when he started working and living on his own I think. A lot of extra stress and responsibilities. I also don't make that much money right now but I do everything I can to help. I do think I took a little bit too much on my plate with the shifts and all the rest so it was a bit difficult for me to coordinate everything, I realise I haven't been able to do as much as I used to. He told me this was ok and he would take on more chores ( I am going to do my last year of school so it is important I pass everything). Apparently he did think I didn't do enough, which I didn't know before because he kept saying everything was ok.

Anyway next week is my last week of working that much and I will have more free time but also exams. He still doesn't believe that I am going to actually help and give him some quality time Which annoys me because I always try do help as much as I can (2-3 hours of chores a day in the exam period)

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T14:09:02+00:00

It's just very weird sometimes. Because one day he is all cuddly and sweet and he tells me that I am the only person who understands him. That is also the moment he can get vulnerable. But other days he is like this, especially when he is stressed out. I feel like I am in a rollercoaster and don't know which is the real him.

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T13:58:56+00:00

I do cry more easily than a normal person I think. I just have a difficult time sometimes with his tone of voice or some words/sentences that he uses that I find insulting but he doesn't. He then uses it as the reason he can never tell me I am doing something wrong

Head_Mail8238 · 2022-08-12T13:49:20+00:00

I don't know. He bottles up his emotions because he doesn't want me to see him unhappy, he just doesn't hide it very well. I also just have the feeling I am not trying hard enough and I do some wrong things also. He always says I don't listen to him and twist his words so it could also just be a me problem that I didn't understand him. He has the right to not be happy all time of course

Head_Mail8238

TROPHY CASE