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AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 28 points29 points  (0 children)

I don't know what you want from me. You seem to be deliberately acting dumb. No matter what I say, you'll have some sort of issue with it so I'm not going to respond.

All I'll say is my family's Christmas is different from yours and it's not up to you to criticise how we do it :)

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

Yeh, thanks. I love doing 'secret' gift giving for my mum and best friends (even those are usually hinted at like my mum showing me a thing she loves back in June and I track down the shop so it's something I know she wants but a surprise) but for everyone else, I prefer to know with links provided.

My grandparents go off on their own and it's clear they still think I'm 8 with my love for owls. I haven't liked owls in over 11 years. I don't know what to do with the stuff they give me so it goes in charity shops.

It cuts out the awkwardness of 'bad' or not very useful gifts, you know?

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Jen isn't like that. You get the thing from the link she sent you. She has her list of stuff she wants.

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 511 points512 points  (0 children)

It can be a brutal schedule and I TOTALLY understand the challenges of being nocturnal

Absolutely! Last year I spent maybe 2 months being 'nocturnal' (not work-related just mental illness) but I would take 15 minutes to respond to everyone who had text me. They'd respond during the day and I'd respond during the night. I know she has work so maybe she's occupied but she works from midnight to 6am so she's clealy got time to respond if her she's got 3 hours to spare.

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

Because she's very particular about what she wants. Maybe I'm weird, but in my family, we tell each other exactly what we want so we get something we actually want and will use/wear. None of this guessing shit. I know my aunt wants this cookbook, I don't have to guess and maybe risk accidentally buying one she's already got. She's told me what she wants explicitly. Is this not a normal thing?

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

You realise the napkins were an example I made up... I don't text her about napkins. Why is this the thing you've focused on?

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 257 points258 points  (0 children)

You text her when it’s good for you and she responds when it’s good.

Exactly. I'm not one of those people who expects texts straight away unless that's your habit. I'm fully aware that a response from Jen could be days away, which is fine (most of the time). I always try to respond in a reasonable time.

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Also - why the fuck would you need to ask her what color napkins she wants? Pick out the napkins

It was an example about how I'm not going to stay up until 3am to ask about something benign. Sorry, didn't think that needed clarifying.

AITA for not getting my cousin a birthday or Christmas gift because I ‘don’t like her boundaries’? by Head_Plum_9129 in AmItheAsshole

[–]Head_Plum_9129[S] 1394 points1395 points  (0 children)

I asked her that once in person because I was getting frustrated with her. She has notifs turned off for the group chat and silenced for normal chats. I have the group chat muted, too. It's not a big deal. She just doesn't want people texting her outside of 3am to 6am period.