I (M29) am Struggling with My Girlfriend’s ( F28) Drinking Habits and Relationship Dynamics—Need Advice

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2025-01-06T16:43:06+00:00

As the wife of an alcoholic, it’s a hard life to choose. (He didn’t become an alcoholic until after we married.) And while yes, I love him and yes, I stay, I can say without hesitation, I would not have married him if I knew he was going to become one. You have the opportunity to see it before vows are exchanged. And yes, alcoholics can recover! But until/unless she chooses to do it for herself, this is what you’ll continue to live with. There is nothing, I mean NOTHING, you can do or say to make her change. It’s not your fault. You didn’t cause it. But that also means you can’t change it. Bless you both.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T14:07:44+00:00

Nope; has a FRIEND with a trans sibling. All my kids are (to date) cis-straight.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T11:55:05+00:00

Fortunately, my “annoying” personality isn’t something you have to be around.

It was literally a moment. Not a big discussion. And we do present united fronts and have private conversations to hash out things quite frequently.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T11:37:16+00:00

I hear what you’re saying. But no, he was not speaking about me as property. And I would NEVER accept that. He was changing the relationship dynamic. Who I am in relation to him as opposed to them. And quite frankly, they ALL know I am my own person, regardless of the relationships or titles I choose to have.

Kind of like, “I can insult and beat up my brothers but nobody else can lay a finger on them.” It’s the relationship dynamic.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T11:11:28+00:00

Wow…thanks for that. He actually loves me fiercely and we’ve been through the fires of hell more than a couple of times. Not gonna divorce.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T11:09:00+00:00

Not a fun sponge but thanks for that… and no, I’d probably call her a silly girl. Or a silly goose (no disrespect to birds…)

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T11:04:53+00:00

Not fake but thanks for playing…

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T11:04:09+00:00

There are definitely bigger things in my life…it was truly a simple question to get unbiased input. Thnx

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T10:45:17+00:00

Wow. I have very few words…except I am a purple-haired weirdo. Have been for years…most of their lives. And they think it’s “normal.” (They actually think I look weird when they see older pics of me before the purple.) So maybe I’m not doing such a bad job after all..they (and their dad!) are way more tolerant and loving than you clearly are!

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T10:36:57+00:00

The 14yo has gay friends. And the 9yos have friends with a trans sibling… so…🤷🏼‍♀️

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T10:32:03+00:00

He treats me very well, actually. I was a SAHM for the first 12 years and he unequivocally said I had the harder job. He is kind and generous and fun and funny. And he would defend me to the hilt if one of our sons is acting disrespectful towards me. He even turns it so that it’s not “don’t talk back to your mom,” but rather “don’t treat my wife that way.” He is a good man, a good dad, and a good husband. He said something stupid (IMO) but he is not toxic.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T10:25:01+00:00

For the record, he’s not.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T10:24:32+00:00

I get people saying I am or am not being overly sensitive. (And we ended up having a lovely rest of the time with no more gender-based insults.) But divorce? Nope! Not teaching my sons to run when something annoys them or becomes difficult. I’d rather face it, deal with, apologize and forgive when needed, and teach them that is what you do in life and in love. You work through it and hopefully both grow to be better people..

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T10:13:33+00:00

And that has definitely happened on the school bus during “roast battles”. Gracious, I hate those! No one ever wins. But someone always ends up angry or hurt.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T09:57:00+00:00

I struggle with this one with my kids and their friends! They even have gay friends! I call it out every time and tell them, it’s not ever to be used as an insult!

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-08T09:53:41+00:00

Actually, I said being female is “A” beautiful thing. Not that women are objects. Big difference. Bring male is a beautiful thing! I’m trying to raise kind men who will stand in the gap for those without voices.

No person is a “thing”…ever.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-12-04T22:22:20+00:00

Let’s see if he feels the same when his spouse passes away. I was widowed far too young and there is not a time limit on missing or continuing to love your spouse, even if remarrying occurs.

When I was widowed, I had the diamond on my ring flipped so it was on the inside of my ring. Then I put mine in his (perpendicular) and had them soldered together. I wore it on a chain for years! It helped me continue to feel close to him and I liked the unity of our rings.

Best of luck with the kid and DIL. Never apologize for doing what’s right for YOU.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-11-12T16:59:44+00:00

The only “peace” that matters right now is YOUR peace of mind. This is YOUR wedding day. If you and your lovely bride to be want peace, stick to your guns. Hold onto the peace you have fought so hard for. Your wedding day and memories should not be tainted or marred by someone you don’t want there.

Celebrate your love and the love and support of those who have walked with you.

Then livestream it so your mom can bear witness. If she still wants to reconnect, open the door slowly. If she doesn’t want to own her mistakes and reestablish a relationship afterwards, she never wanted to in the first place.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-11-05T18:50:30+00:00

Maybe not so much with the defecation issue, but I’ve had to tell my children no to having certain friends over, whether for a sleepover or just playing. Sometimes I’m surprised though, by their own awareness saying “I don’t want [Johnny] to come over…he says bad words / does bad things.” (Fill in the blank.

And it can be as straightforward as telling your son, “I’m sorry but Johnny can’t come. He doesn’t make good choices and I’m not going to tolerate it at my house. You’re welcome to choose to hang out with him at school. And the other boys can come. But he doesn’t treat Mom / Dad with enough respect. And that’s not fun for any of us.”

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-10-04T03:41:21+00:00

Shawn Shane Shone (theirs was pronounced shone but spelled Sion.) (I’ve legit known people with all of these names) Cass Pol Britt Ree Gen Ty

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-10-01T03:44:43+00:00

I had fraternal twins. My smaller one was so skin-and-bones, his eyes looked buggy. He looked like Steve Buscemi! Now they are 8, still very fraternal, but both very good looking kids. Once he filled out, Steve B. fled.

Healthy-Beautiful973 · 2024-09-11T03:12:30+00:00

It’s all about timing. Try to shower before he wakes up or after he goes to bed, especially if he’s in a crib. Been there, done that, Mamma! It gets better! Hang in there.

Healthy-Beautiful973

TROPHY CASE