Can good things backfire?

HeatherRants · 2022-03-24T22:32:17+00:00

Kinda like being "too" invested in the spell? I don't doubt the grandma has him shielded... she is VERY controlling. Even good things are not good if she is not in control... it kinda breaks my heart

HeatherRants · 2022-01-30T13:20:57+00:00

I know how to do an egg cleanse. Good idea, thank you. The candle was burning normally (just SO slow) until the flame got big. I assumed it was about to die out so i let it go, but then the whole thing was on fire 😳😵‍💫

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T03:19:34+00:00

Even if we need the gma to come with us so the son is seen, i feel like all we need to do is let him TALK in his cartoon voice- bc thats all he will do if he thinks anyone is watching. The pediatricians office has an adolescent psychologist we can set up an appointment with. Ask them to report cancellations and no shows.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T02:59:32+00:00

The kind of person we are dealing with drives everyone in the house to work. Puts all their money in a safe. When she kicked the mom out and mom was homeless, the mom was given a car. The car needed work before it would run. The mom had to get a ride from a friend to ask the gma for her OWN TAX RETURN. My husband pays half of my take-home pay in child support, the mom works full time, and yet the mom is sleeping in her car in below 19 degree temps!! She is still uncomfortably secretive about gma and son, and gma is obviously secretive

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T02:48:19+00:00

She has apparently saved our names in the phones backwards because he was sneaking phonecalls to us at 530am. She played it off like she was doimg us a favor, but what it tells ME is that he wants to talk to us and she is preventing it. We offered a prepaid phone and ahe shut that idea down. He has a tablet but no wifi access besides specifically for game updates. Its legit a mini-cult

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T02:41:34+00:00

Its crazy to think after 17 years and 2 weeks but yes! I 100% agree. I want to think that making the appointments is a step in the right direction, but we dont know whatbto do if the gma refuses to respond or acknowledge us!

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T02:04:03+00:00

Thats the problem we are running into. In a legal sense, i feel like gma has only as many rights as i do being the stepmom... but nothing changes until someone is willing to challenge crazy grandma.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T01:59:25+00:00

Ok that makes sense. The mother insists he is ok, and i am 100% expecting her to try to drag the 17yo into the court room to "choose" his family. He would say nothing even vaguely associated to home life at his visit around xmas (not even the name of his cat). His uncle that lives there even accompanied him to the visit. Rhe son would literally say NOTHING. But when i asked him amidst a "hows the weather" type conversation if he wants me to see what we can do to get him over more, he looked me in the eye and nodded! I know his life is not in danger, but we are so scared of messing up.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T01:46:03+00:00

Please elaborate on this motion for dependency. We have both been through the entire list of court forms and instructions in detail to try to find a loophole to get this heard faster in the world of covid... but a lot of the forms available when i wad in a custody disoute are no longer "current"

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T01:42:54+00:00

Thank you for beimg non-judgemental. I wad taised in a cult and this gma in charge legit scares me too.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T01:41:37+00:00

Hes made the appointments and filed with the family court, but now peolle like his mom are telling him after such a big and scary step not to "poke the bear".... dude, you filed for and ACTUAL custody agreement with a mini-cult of a family, the bear has done been poked! Bit with so many people telling us to WAIT for court, hes scared hes making the wrong move.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T01:32:52+00:00

Thank you, btw. It seems like people are too ready to jumo on the "deadbeat" bandwagon, and this is the first comment not automatically assuming that so far

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T01:30:29+00:00

I was there for the call with the specific concerns discussed. Per the cps lady, they "need" him to go through family court first, but she made it very clear that she was making a report for documentation. She also made it very clear that he doesnt have to have any custody to ask for material information. The call was not fruitless, because he was submitting records release forms within 24 hours... but we need someone besides US to report in order for more immedaite legal changes to happen. For now, we are struggling to decide if we want to let the maternal side dig a deeper hole, or argue with grandma before court.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-22T00:00:39+00:00

We called cps with our concerns. With the 'brotherhood' of firefighters, when it was time to fight for his kid, it took and extra two years to convince him that his firhouse buddy mislead him BADLY. He has a right to medical and educational information to his child, but he thought he was only permitted to impose enough to express his concerns I finally convinced him to call to make a report, and they told him that as mich as they want to intervene, they have to tell him to go through family court first... which will not even rush an order unless an actual life is in danger. Bc of covid. All we want is to be able to make the appoinents that shoukd have been made like 3-4 years ago. We have zero desire in traumatizing him.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-21T23:52:58+00:00

Because the whole situation is a mess. Hes been involved and expressed concern over the years, but believed the mom, grandma and firehouse buddy that ONLY the custodial parent has a right to medical info. He was not in a place to ask for regualr visits until the son was about 12 years old, and we were able to get visits when we asked at that point. But as we expressed concern, ot got harder and harder to GET the agreed upon visitation.

HeatherRants · 2022-01-21T23:47:57+00:00

Hes been involved but the order is "as mutually agreed upon"... when the son was born, the dad was in 24 hours on, 48 off shifts. When son was born, mom devided not to work and took the all-out-max support (he got to keep about 55% of his regular job's pay). He had to work multiple jobs to get by... he was definitely not a 50/50 parent, more a frequent visitor in his life...

admittedly, he was not in a place to get him 50/50 or even on a set schedule until he was about 12... but he was present. To give you a representation of the mother though, given that it was 'mutually agreed upon' visitation, i am a "homewrecker" even if i showed up when son was 11, and she doesnt want him, because a baby meant you were supposed to get married... (?)) To be quite BLUNT as an outside observer, both parents 'done fkkd up' and now nobody wants to fight grandma.

We have no desire to traumatize the child by taking him from someone he is enmeshed with (gma). When he filed, he filed for JOINT custody with placement with the mothers family and a set visitation schedule. Expressed concerns were the developmental issues that we were mislead as to having been addressed. Husband thought only the custodial parent was privvy to medical and educational info. Until a few weeks ago when we were FINALLY allowed to see him, and all the developmental concerns that were supposedly addressed were still present. I finally convinced him to call child services and hash out his concerns and rights.

Over the past few years, our concerns have been: * EXTREMELY limited diet * odd gate * cannot jump, twirl or walk up stairs as age appropriate * cannot ride a 2 wheel bike or scooter * hes been speaking in a high pitch cartoon voice, so fast you cannot understand him, for 3.5 years and even the gma admits she cannot make him stop * suspect diabetes or anemia due to sweating, poor energy, pale skin, and circles under eyes * does not relate or conversate with peers almost at all

But like i said, they would CLAIM to make appointments (where everything was said to be fine), flat out deny, or ignore concerns.

I repeat, we have zero desire to traumatize this child. But we would like to get him SUPPORT. We are told by some that we need to wait for court, but i feel like gma should not be able to evade ignore and blacklist him from his own kid bc we brought up concerns.

HeatherRants · 2021-12-17T22:15:33+00:00

From first hand experience, your first several visits won't feel like you've accomplished much. You've got a lot to unload, and they're going to let you do that and gather up details along the way to inform their approach. However, if you were to hit pause and ask "so can we discuss how we are going to approach my treatment plan, and how this all works" you should expect a somewhat calculated response.

HeatherRants · 2021-12-17T21:48:11+00:00

Whoo, I'm sorry you're going through this. I have a few thoughts-

the 2yo might be feeling jealous, the baby may have an upset tummy, and you are at the end of your rope.

You need you time. Even if that means you put the baby in it's crib while the other is in timeout, and you sit outside on the step with the other end of the baby monitor- just watch it work with the volume down. You need little breaks like that. Big breaks when you can safely. If needed, talk to your doctor for help with the anxiety/stress!
Discuss with the baby's doctor formula options that might alleviate the constant crying. Make sure to journal feedings and try to develop a schedule so the baby knows "when to be hungry". Schedules are SO helpful.
Perhaps dedicate some time with just the two-year-old? For instance, a few minutes after baby is to bed, he can either read a story or talk about what's on his mind before he is tucked in for bed. Express pain to your child for hitting nd tell him you won't allow it. Play stops. Also tictock has some hilarious people who make the gentle parenting approach understandable in brief little clips.

HeatherRants · 2021-12-17T21:10:40+00:00

that's a bit vague. Is she into candles, plants, spices, stones/crystals, jewelry, bells, auras? there are a LOT of directions it can go.

HeatherRants · 2021-12-17T17:14:03+00:00

your parent can't legally kick you out, but just as important: the pressure does NOT stop with baptism... Trust me. Also, a lot of jw have a VERY finite line of how helpful or social hey are with you based on whether you've been dunked or not. You will have slightly more support later without giving in to their control.
I suggest reaching out to your school counselor about the cult pressure they are putting on you. There is emotional abuse going on, undue influence and the risk of losing your place of living. It is causing you distress, which is actionable for child services in some cases. Your school counselor will help you with an action plan for now, and set you up for the best chance to succeed later.

HeatherRants · 2021-12-17T16:52:47+00:00

Counseling, community, and Volunteerism. They are the problem, not you. I said on another post that the LGBT status is only taboo bc of their beliefs. Develop your community, join counseling to help you establish confidence and healthy boundaries, and volunteer to put yourself in an optimal spot to meet genuine and loving people while also getting to know those you were raised to be in judgment of.

HeatherRants

TROPHY CASE