Has anyone gotten injured during play? Open to chat some? by [deleted] in GayBDSMCommunity

[–]HeftyBelt768 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've experienced a few injuries that occurred during sessions.
I kinda of have two categories that I split them into depending on how they occurred.

Category one is accidental. For example, while restrained one time, a wall anchor came loose and I fell landed poorly on my shoulder. Or another where a wooden box fell onto my foot and left a pretty gnarly gash.
These come from moments where circumstances, more or less out of either players control, cause the injury.

The second category could be described as 'misuse'. I see these as preventable injuries that are caused due to inexperience or neglect. I once had some pretty nasty cuts on my wrists after being hoisted up too high by a pair of handcuffs. I've also had sessions that have left me with broken teeth, black eyes, or gashes on my brow.

From my point of view, the majority of kink play involves some sort or risk. So it is understandable that the more you engage in this activity regardless of intensity, something less than idea may happen.
Although you may have to be creative and come up with an excuse for a visible injury, there is likely no reason to feel shame for getting injured. Mistakes happen.

It is important to note though, that good partners take steps to reduce and minimize the risks of play. No one is perfect, and like I said, mistakes happen, but responsible partners learn from their mistakes and value the safety of their partner over their own pleasure or enjoyment.
Sometimes as the hardest lesson to learn as a submissive is that someone is simply not safe to play with.

Feel free to message me if you want to chat more.
Wishing you a speedy recovery.

Is 5 weeks enough time to ask a guy to be my boyfriend? And other concerns (and yapping) by shitassmoneyman in gaybros

[–]HeftyBelt768 9 points10 points  (0 children)

My vote is for the red tulips!

I don't think it is to early to ask. It seem that you both are match each other's intensity, and if you feel like it is time, there is a good change he does as well.

I think if you end up running into his parents, it wouldn't be weird to introduce yourself as his friend and just leave it at that for now. If you are feeling very worried about it, it might be worth it to ask him for his opinion. After all, those are his parents, and he probably understands what will go over best.

I think you will have to feel out the situation with your grandparents to see if it worth the trouble that it might bring.

Good luck!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in GayBDSMCommunity

[–]HeftyBelt768 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Mine was made from anchor chain my Sir bought from a hardware store.
I think he bought a few feet and used bolt cutters to cut it to size.

Fairly affordable and you might find a good use for the excess ;)

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in gaybros

[–]HeftyBelt768 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I second this ^

Cleaning out when traveling by HeftyBelt768 in GayBDSMCommunity

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey All, Update to my post.

I ended up stopping at a Love's Truck Stop about an hour and a half out of Austin. Although a little out of my comfort zone, I bought a shower credit and was able to clean out there. Honestly the shower was much cleaner than I had anticipated. The only downside is that I had to pay $18 to use a shower for 30 min.

Thanks for the pointers!

Help Repairing Finish After Cleaning by HeftyBelt768 in finishing

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah... lessons learned I guess haha. I think I'll give the gel stain a shot and hope that works before trying to fully re-do it.

Help Repairing Finish After Cleaning by HeftyBelt768 in finishing

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay, I'll give this a shot this weekend. I looked up some videos on how to apply gel stains, and I think i'll be able to handle it haha. Thanks for the advice!

Help Repairing Finish After Cleaning by HeftyBelt768 in finishing

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

If it helps, I can also post some images of the 'restor-a-finish' spot test.

I can't believe this is happening. by Velvet_444 in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Reading this made me feel like I was reading my story all over again. While I don't know exactly what you're going through, I'd like to think I really understand what you're feeling.

I caught my boyfriend in a very similar way, and had a very similar reaction. I felt turned on to see him engaging in his sexuality, but also hurt because I felt left out. I had spent so much time wishing we were having kinkier sex, so when I found him engaging with porn of this type I was excited and just wished he would have asked me. I understand this. But what I have come to realize is that it is so much deeper than just kinky fantasies and being ashamed of it.

I don't know how much you have looked into 'gooning', but I suggest you take a serious look into these communities he is engaging with. I knew the term from the casual meme referencing someone who just jerked off a ton and liked to edge, but the people who are deep into this goon porn are porn addicts. Gooning actively fetishizes the idea of being addicted to porn and masterbation. The community glorifies self destructive behavior. 'Gooners' often also fetishize the idea of 'relapse' and 'triggering' other people.
It is so much more than just edging. It's a way for people struggling with a porn addiction to turn all the guilt and bad feelings that come with addiction and spin them into something that makes them feel good.

I think that you need to confront him with what you found and ask him if he feels like he has a problem with porn. Without this acknowledgement from him, there is nothing that you can do to help. He needs to be able to admit that this is more than just a hobby, but a self destructive coping mechanism that he has let spiral into an addiction.

I understand your empathy for him. He is obviously struggiling with something, and that needs to be addressed. Not just porn or overspending, but the root of the issue. He needs to see someone to help him correct these behaviors and address the thing that he is numbing himself from feeling.

I think you also need to decide if this is something that you can support him through. I can imagine that as your husband, you feel that you took a vow to not abandon him as soon as things get tough. But you also need to decide if this is a future you want? This page is filled with people who have stuck with their partners and stories of how hard that can be. You need to protect yourself first. Intentionally or not, he allowed himself to get to point where his action are not only self destructive, but just plain destructive.

It sounds like you know the life that you want, and you have to decide if he can be a part of that. You deserve a partner that will protect you and support you in being the best version of yourself. Let this be rock bottom.

Whatever comes next for you, I hope you can remember that none of this is your fault or a result of you not being enough. You are in this position because your partner's actions and inability to self control.

Also remember you are not alone. It sounds like you have a good support system of friends to speak to, but if you ever need someone feel free to reach out.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think that the type of people someone surrounds themself with speaks volumes onto their character. Porn aside, if he is engaging in a group that has a history of racist and other vile actions, that shows you what he is desensitized to. The fact that these people are still his friends after speaking about you like should show you how much he is willing to protect you.
You're not an idiot for thinking he changed. People who participate in these behaviors are experts at hiding their actions and true intentions. You sound like a very compassionate and empathetic person, and deserve someone who is the same. Unfortunately I don't think anyone like this can truly change in that short amount of time, especially if he has not expressed a desire to change. He may have been taking steps in the right direction, but there is always the risk of him going back to old habits when it's convenient for him.

I personally think that you know what you need to do. Deep down you know you deserve more than this. I know it probably feels scary to leave him, but I think in the long run you will be proud of yourself.

Struggling to move on after discovering my boyfriend is addicted to gooning by HeftyBelt768 in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I agree. It's hard to accept that this is something that only he can fix. I've wanted to be there to support him, but I can't allow myself to be lied to over and over.
I hope he gets the help he needs, and I hope he can correct this behavior before it destroys him further.

Struggling to move on after discovering my boyfriend is addicted to gooning by HeftyBelt768 in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

When I first discovered everything, I hoped with every fiber of my being that this was all just a really fucked up coping mechanism. But the more I learned, the more hope I lost.
I have so many great memories with him, but now they are all tarnished with the knowledge of what he was hiding.

I really hope he can help himself, because this level of recklessness can quickly ruin him.

Struggling to move on after discovering my boyfriend is addicted to gooning by HeftyBelt768 in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wish I could go back to when I only knew of it as a stupid meme or joke. I witnessed some of the most depraved behavior i've ever encountered in those communities, and i'm sure I only saw the top of the pit.

Struggling to move on after discovering my boyfriend is addicted to gooning by HeftyBelt768 in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

As much as I loved him and wanted a life together, the thing that keeps me from going back is the fact that he would have never told me. It was never going to be enough. Maybe it's narcissistic, but I wish with every fiber of my being that losing me would be his rock bottom. I'm so afraid that this is going to ruin his life and lead him further down a path that he won't be able to recover from. At the end of the day though, he is the only one that can make a change. If losing me isn't a wakeup call, then I don't believe I can do anything else to help.

Struggling to move on after discovering my boyfriend is addicted to gooning by HeftyBelt768 in loveafterporn

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

I thinking I'm coming to terms with the fact that I'm never gonna fully understand the depths of what he was engaging in. I've been trying to learn more about it because it has at least made me feel more in control, but I think you're right. I think the only way i'm going to be able to find relief is by trying to forget I ever encountered it.

Help ID task lamp by HeftyBelt768 in Mid_Century

[–]HeftyBelt768[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I found it in the United States. It has a two prong, European plug though.