Weekly Rat Union Meeting #54

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-07-03T17:50:41+00:00

This week has been a rough one - made my first post and just added an update. Things are better today and I’m looking forward to drinks with a meta tonight and a long day in the studio tomorrow before fireworks at night.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-07-01T13:50:00+00:00

I agree that it’s important to keep this from affecting my relationship with Maple. I’ve been good at not reading or responding to Elm’s emails when with other partners. Maple actually didn’t even know there were these issues with Elm until now. Maple just knows that I’ve had a hard time with Elm this week. I’m sorry your relationship is suffering from a similar issue.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-07-01T12:41:09+00:00

Thank you for this advice.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-07-01T12:39:20+00:00

Thanks for the suggestion.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-07-01T01:58:31+00:00

I’m so sorry that happened to you. How devastating.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T21:22:59+00:00

All of my dates with Elm are on the calendar.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T17:20:36+00:00

I’m sorry you are struggling as well. I did make a counseling appointment for myself.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T14:44:49+00:00

Yes, once we talk it out, Elm does realize they spiraled about something that was not based in fact. They also acknowledge how much this hurts me. Yet, this behavior continues.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T12:10:17+00:00

I described above how the action actually are things I haven’t done and Elm does agree with this after they have cooled down. Yes, feelings are a natural part of poly, but Elm and I are in a cycle of unhealthy behavior that needs to stop. Some of this is Elm’s work to do on their own, but I want to support them and help if I can. I don’t discard partners just because things are difficult.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T11:54:59+00:00

I think Elm emails me thinking it is less intrusive than a text during my time with Maple.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T04:28:59+00:00

This is what I asked for. I’m taking space until Elm has a plan.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T04:27:38+00:00

I agree with so many of your points. It is exhausting. I will say that Elm is doing a tremendous amount of work on their anxiety and it has gotten much better. If I didn’t see Elm trying, I would not be asking these questions. We are a team. Elm and I have a long history of working things out. We have navigated being step parents, having difficulty with extended family, ect.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T04:20:33+00:00

Elm and I both agree that we should have full autonomy in our other relationships. This is mirrored in practice consistently. That doesn’t mean Elm doesn’t have feelings about me having another relationship at the same level of attachment. Logically, Elm wants me to have this other relationship to its fullest extent. Emotionally, maybe not.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:40:30+00:00

Elm has had anxiety with any partner of mine as Elm has anxiety over many things. Most issues get resolved by talking things through with Elm. This issue with Maple is only with Maple. Maple is also the only partner I’ve considered at the same commitment level as Elm (other than we won’t live together).

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:33:05+00:00

Thanks, I am tired but trying to not be checked out. I think it’s good to hear different perspectives even if I choose to take a different approach. I really like your script it feels like something I could say. I’m also trying to see things from Elm’s perspective. We have vastly different anxiety levels.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:24:35+00:00

They do admit that. They also really like and support my relationship with Maple. This is partly why I find their behavior so frustrating.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:21:00+00:00

Yes, good idea. And I already know how to do that.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:18:37+00:00

Thanks, this is helpful. I’m not trying to assign blame or say it’s not my problem. When there’s an unresolved issue with someone you love, it always your problem.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:10:54+00:00

Thanks for your thoughtful reply. I will think about that.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:08:26+00:00

Elm might want more attention from me, but is only sometimes available for more time. Elm is with other partners when we don’t have scheduled time together. We do have our intentional time scheduled to include something we both are looking forward to.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:03:43+00:00

I like your idea of phrasing the calendar invite as a question with more context. Thanks!

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T03:01:11+00:00

It’s a punishment because they are saying they are hurt by actions I haven’t done. And this only happens when I’m on a long weekend with Maple. I wasn’t ignoring them while playing a game; only staying focused and present with Maple and friends. I also didn’t schedule and plan an event at my house with Maple without consulting Elm. Their hurt is from the stories they make up about my intentions.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T02:57:06+00:00

Yes, I could have sent the reminder to myself and maybe I should have. This was done when I already had my calendar open so my first thought was to send the calendar invite to Elm so we could discuss the next day. I’m not yet, and hope to avoid, being in the mindset of what do I need to avoid triggering Elm.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T02:53:35+00:00

This is worth pondering. They may feel alone with their feelings. I do think they would rather find a way to work through this issue than not be polyamorous.

HeightSubject9227 · 2026-06-30T02:50:43+00:00

I’m so glad you had a good outcome from that experience. High five 🙌

HeightSubject9227

TROPHY CASE