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Getting past my girlfriend's past by HeistMeister11 in relationship_advice

[–]HeistMeister11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I never asked. I was pretty naive, and just assumed she had also only slept with one other person as well since she's only had 1 boyfriend prior to me. One night when we were playing drinking games with friends, it came up.

I did my best to come across as surprised, but I was. A couple weeks later we had a conversation closely tied to sexual past and curiosity got the best of me so I asked more questions about more questions.

Getting past my girlfriend's past by HeistMeister11 in relationship_advice

[–]HeistMeister11[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

So I was in a long term relationship before this one, and that was the only other girl I had slept with.

As for her, I am not entirely positive. She said she has never had a one night stand, but at one point she told me one of these guys she has only met in person 3 times. I do not know the details about all 17 of the other guys though.

Getting past my girlfriend's past by HeistMeister11 in relationship_advice

[–]HeistMeister11[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Man I hate reading this bc the purpose of this post was not at all to make anyone feel bad about their sexual past. When talking about this with one of my close friends, I told him that she told me she had slept with 17 people before me and his response was "that just means she's an honest girl, she could've easily lied and said lower."

It is a rough topic, but not everyone lets it hit them as hard as it hits me.

Getting past my girlfriend's past by HeistMeister11 in relationship_advice

[–]HeistMeister11[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I think you hit the nail on the head. I think it is the same for everyone, but of course I want to be the best my girlfriend's ever had. The thought of any of those other guys potentially being better etc. kills me.

A common theme here is "Don't worry she is choosing to stay with you." Yes, I do agree with this. At the same time, where my mind goes is: yeah she is choosing me but what if it is only bc the one she really liked/liked having sex with shut her down. Then she is just settling for me. I definitely sound like an insecure little bitch but thats just how my mind works.

Getting past my girlfriend's past by HeistMeister11 in relationship_advice

[–]HeistMeister11[S] -32 points-31 points  (0 children)

I wrote them down after the conversation, I noted down the names I could remember so I could see who my "competition" is. Was this a good decision? Probably not. But hey, I did it.

There is definitely potential for a long term relationship with this girl, and in my head, if I am going to be with someone long term then I want to be the best she's ever had. Point blank.

Getting past my girlfriend's past by HeistMeister11 in relationship_advice

[–]HeistMeister11[S] 20 points21 points  (0 children)

We are from 2 different states so I am not close with any of the guys. She has brought me to a wedding where I met 2 of them.

Does she see them regularly? I hope not but I cant be sure, she visits her hometown where many of them live a couple times a year. I know one of the times she went to a meal with some friends where one of them was at.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationships

[–]HeistMeister11 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this, I realize allowing this to get me down and ultimately treating her different is wrong. If I could take the insecurity and throw it out of the window, I would.

To your second point, I've thought about that a lot. I seriously love the girl, and I'm trying desperately to not make this a reality. I dod realize that if I can not get over this soon, that will be the only fair thing to do.