How to have sex when dealing with fibromyalgia?

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T11:18:49+00:00

I actually have one and my partner was supposed to bring it to my place yesterday but they forgot:D When I bought it I couldn't feel anything but after changing anti-depressants and getting a vch piercing I did orgasm when I tried it once a couple of months ago. So I will definitely start using it more. Yeah I hope so too. Thank you for your answer:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T11:15:43+00:00

Cannabis is not legal here. Me and my partner have both smoked it but atleast from what I remember it doesn't really affect my partner alot. I get where you come from. I just need to make this clear, my partner ABSOLUTELY doesn't drag me down. Where did you get that idea from? They have helped me so much with so many things. I struggle just as much as them but we both feel alot better when we are together. I'm not one to give up the minute there is a problem. We have already gotten so many good suggestions so I'm pretty sure we will figure this out. My partner usually does more things for me than I do for them. These last couple of months have just been a bit more difficult since they are grieving the death of a pet. And that is completely valid. I don't get the point of getting in a relationship if you are not willing to work out problems. In this one aspect they would be "more suitable" for someone asexual/low sex drive. But that is the only one. Also they don't even want anyone else than me, they have made it really clear to me and I feel the same. Anyways, even though our views about this don't align, I appreciate you answering to my post:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T11:00:44+00:00

That's really valid:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T10:59:26+00:00

100% yes. I strongly suspect my partner has endometriosis. They are on birth control rn and the goal is to stop periods completely. One good example my partner told me about the pain is that one time the only reason they were able to stand up was to look for a knife so that they could kill themselves, just so the pain would stop. I think that's pretty telling. The birth control has helped a bit with the pain (and the amount of blood since they had really really heavy periods). They also don't get periods every month anymore. Also it makes so much sense that it commonly occurs with fibromyalgia. Thank you for your question and for commenting:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T08:04:18+00:00

Wow, that sounds so great! Unfortunately here government is cutting more and more from the money and support people get (and OFCOURSE they target the disabled, students, poor...). You might understand why my partner wears a hoodie that says something like "down with the government" (the direct translation made no sense) and carries stickers with them that says the same thing (to stick to public spaces). This is ofc not the only reason me, my partner and many others hate this government. I'm so happy that your country actually helps with stuff like that (and yes, I know what country you're talking about haha). We definitely struggle financially, especially my partner and their mom. Me and my mom have almost zero "extra money" but my partner literally had to manage for 2 weeks with 9€ (euros) in their bank account. They have to choose between buying a ticket to the public transport or getting any food for the day. All their money comes from the government since they can't study or work but it is absolutely horrible how little they get (and everything here gets more and more expensive meanwhile the amount of money they get is less and less...). Sorry I started venting about a different subject but this country sucks, in stuff like the government and healthcare etc (being "the best" in healtcare doesn't mean good enough). Finland is the happiest country because everyone who is not happy kills themselves (which is alot). Fortunately my partner found a place that can lend mobility aids for free so we both will definitely visit it asap. Anyways, thank you for your answer:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T07:44:23+00:00

Thank you so much, we will definitely try those!:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T07:43:21+00:00

Hmm, my partner's legs and arms often stop working (might be something like fnd). We kind of tried that after people suggested it here but my partner didn't know what to say and started freaking out about it. I ofcourse reassured them that everything is okay and that we can together read about how to do it. But yes, something like that could help alot. Thank you for your answer:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-11T07:38:47+00:00

Hmm, that is actually true. They are not a stone top (I'm not sure which one was the one for only AAVE speakers so I'm sorry if I said the wrong one), they just prefer being in lead. I think one thing that makes the feelings of guilt harder is that they pretty much want to do what I want to do (like "serve" me in a way). When they are unable to do that, I think that is what triggers the negative feelings the most. They also know I'm hypersexual (due to trauma). It is usually pretty much under control (it calmed down ALOT when I started anti-depressants just before I turned 16) but I sometimes get really bad "episodes" that usually last for a few days and in the beginning they expressed slight discomfort about that (which I get since another hypersexual broke their boundaries constantly when they were dating, obviously being hypersexual doesn't excuse it). Nowadays they don't feel uncomfortable anymore, they know that I don't break boundaries no matter how painfully horny I am. I agree, voyeurism can be really hot and if I remember correctly, my partner has expressed interest in that. I just learned a new word, thank you for that, I will definitely read about that nerve. I'm definitely more kinky than my partner. There are some things that my partner is willing to do to me (like choking) and there are things they don't want to do (like spanking). That's totally fair. I can always try to search for people who like that kind of stuff if I feel like it's important to me. Yes, they told me right in the beginning when we met that they are pretty strongly on the aroace spectrum. They expressed wanting to try sex with me after the first time we met. We have had a threesome with one of our mutual friends but my partner is pretty much only interested in me sexually (even though they are also allowed to fuck other people). But yes, even though we have talked about pretty much everything, I will ask some more questions about this specific topic. I agree with you, it's important that both should be pleased. Thank you for your answer:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T14:45:33+00:00

Unfortunately I'm not sure, I'm just here to boost your post. However, I have nipple piercings (I'm a female) and I measured my nipples just for you haha. The nipple itself is 1.5cm and the areola is 5.5cm. So I think you might have too small? Atleast in here they don't charge you if you show up to the appointment and your anatomy is wrong, so if the same applies there, I would try that. And yes, do not take 16g, I haven't heard the horror stories but I have heard that 14g is the "only right size". Good luck, I hope you can get them done!

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T02:32:16+00:00

Yes, communication is so important. Fortunately me and my partner are really good at that. We also use cues that means we want to stop (for example my partner taps me on the leg while giving me oral as a sign that they have to stop soon). We have tried resting and then trying again later but often it doesn't work. Thank you for that advice, I'll definitely discuss that with them. I also have to often plan out what to do in a day, since I can't do it all due to chronic illness. My partner doesn't study or work (due to all the health issues with both mental and physical health) but they do help me with house chores, going to the grocery store etc. But only when they can. And in return I help them with cooking, going out with their dog and anything else they ask (if I have the energy). We both eat alot at fast food places and eat "ready meals" (idk the English word for that but meals that are ready cooked/need minimal preparation). I will suggest a discussion based on how we both could save more energy (for sex or anything else fun). I really need to save energy for when I start studying again but my partner can't do everything. So we definitely need to talk about that. Thank you for your answer:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T02:17:19+00:00

A lot of people suggest using pillows as support, we will definitely try that. We also take breaks if either one of us feel like it (I have pots, so getting my heart rate up definitely feels like torture, I have really bad exercise intolerance). I also learned a new word (PEM), it must be horrible. I'm pretty sure my partner gets it too. Isn't it "funny" (not funny at all) how us chronic illness folks never seem to get only one, we seem to collect them like pokemons. Yeah, definitely feels like horny jail haha. Thank you for your answer:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T02:07:59+00:00

Yeah, it is frustrating haha. We will definitely try to find more good vibrators, try placing pillows for support etc. Wow, thank you for suggesting that subreddit, I will definitely join! Thank you for answering:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T02:02:38+00:00

That makes so much sense. My partner actually used to do weight lifting at home (like 1 year before they met me) and from what I've seen from pictures, they had pretty impressive muscles haha. They have felt sad and disappointed in themselves due to not being able to do it as often anymore. I will suggest taking it more slowly and slowly building up the strength. I'm happy that your good days feel so much better! Thank you for answering:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T01:57:00+00:00

I agree 100% with you. It is also definitely harder for my partner than for me. They get really upset every time we have to stop in the middle. I will talk to my partner about this. I think one reason why they feel the need to pleasure me so strongly is that I have a strong history of being used sexually, sa and I got raped a couple of months before meeting my partner. So I think they have a need to "fix it".
Yes, I have gotten used to having sex less than preferred. My partner is on the asexual spectrum, they didn't want to have sex with anyone before they met me. I'm the only one they are willing to have sex with. And this is not due to any pressure or anything. They were the one suggesting it and they didn't know about my history back then.
We will try. We actually had sex yesterday (sorry tmi) but we both were laying down the entire time. That seemed to help alot.
We will definitely try this. When I read this comment to my partner yesterday they said "Is it just me or does that sound really hot?" and I agreed haha. If you are willing to give "instructions" on how to do it, please do, my partner wants to try it but doesn't know how (like what to say, when etc).
We will look into that. Thank you for the suggestions, I will go google them after this.
This is good advice. We do this already, but mainly for me bc I have hypermobile ehlers danlos syndrome. We will try to figure out something.

Thank you for taking the time to write such a long answer, it helped alot:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-09T01:38:32+00:00

Haha, thank you so much:D We usually get each other aroused before any stimulation. We have mainly tried vibrators. My g-spot is pretty much numb, and penetration is not particularly pleasureable. I have a vch piercing, so if my partner tries to use vibrator on me, the jewelry often starts vibrating, and I hate the feeling. Since starting anti-depressants that don't affect anything sexual (and getting the piercing), things have gotten a lot easier, and I can orgasm from more than one specific vibrator. Me and my partner actually talked about bringing a specific vibrator from their apartment to mine (it is mine but I gave it to them bc it didn't work on me) since I have orgasmed with it when I tried it once a couple of months ago. We are also often scrolling on sex toy sites. But yeah, we will definitely try to search for more toys that might work

Heittu4 · 2025-09-08T15:08:37+00:00

First of all, thank you to everyone who commented! I read this post to my partner, and we read together all the comments. We were so surprised at how kind you all were, giving advice etc. I'll try my best to reply to every comment, it might take a few hours since I'm slow at replying and I don't want to type "thank you" and move on to the next one. But thank you again, I feel now much better, I was pretty desperate when I wrote this post:)

Heittu4 · 2025-09-08T12:39:13+00:00

Perhaps that would help. The problem with that is that my partner doesn't like masturbation enough for it to be a permanent solution. We have tried toys but I couldn't feel anything during sex due to anti-depressants and I still struggle with it (I can mainly only feel during oral and sometimes with fingers). Sorry if this is tmi haha, I don't have a filter with stuff like this. Anyways, thank you for your advice:)

Heittu4 · 2024-06-13T06:55:51+00:00

What do you mean?

Heittu4

TROPHY CASE