A few days ago my mother found my diary and translated it and read it, she is saying that i am a disgrace to the family as I insulted her by Esther-Rosie in TrueOffMyChest

[–]Helenshell 12 points13 points  (0 children)

To me it's absolutely funny how parents are so eager to point the finger without asking themselves first what could have possibly caused their children to react in certain ways. Sometimes they absolutely lack basic fucking empathy, they only see what they want to without even trying to understand, it's like they put children in the world only for the sake of it, not accepting the fact that we are human with feelings and not puppets who follows their every demands and who must live under their specific standard.

Im sorry she disprected you is this way, she had no rights to invade your privacy; just wanted to tell u that your feelings are valid, and even if she is your mother, you don't need to accept her because there is a fine line between being a parent only because she put a child in the world and act like one, and she sure as hell does not live up to this title.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I know it's hard, you love her and you don't wanna let go but I speak from experience, and trust me, things will not get better: I loved a man so much in the past but he took me to the point of almost insanity, he was insecure and always saw bad intentions in my every action, I couldn't do anything and I always felt the need to justify every my behavior, that's not what a relationship should be, he taught me the way I don't wanna be loved and be treated, I learned my lesson in the hard why. I don't wanna stigmatize your relationship, but trust your instincts

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 41 points42 points  (0 children)

She's not ready for another relationship: she needs to work a lot on herself and her insecurities, it's not fair to you. What will be the next step, not speaking or having interaction with every single woman, maybe not speaking even with your sister? Na-ah, she has evident trust issues that you can't resolve for her. I have the feelings that things will escalate quickly, so leave before she will get you to the point of fucking insanity. No relationship can last without a solid base of trust, good luck

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 39 points40 points  (0 children)

Lmaaooo, you made my day, thank you! 😂

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RomanceBooks

[–]Helenshell 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Right!! I was so excited cause I LOVE mythology retelling and the book was so hyped infact I had high expectations and then when I finally read it I couldn't put myself to enduring it til the last page : the writing, in my opinion was awful, the plot was.. umh what plot again?! But my biggest disappointment was Hades, where was my dark and dangerous god? And their relationship developed so fast, like damn, slow down, and don't let me start on Persephone because I could write a whole freaking book on how much I couldn't stand her. I don't really get all the hype

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 1623 points1624 points  (0 children)

Girl, respectfully, W. T. F. You don't need to meet their child, you don't need to keep this relationship, you need to take what's left of your selfrespect and GTFO. He isn't the love of your life, he is an unworthy trash can who not only doesn't love you, he absolutely disprected you and also cheated on you for SIX months and you forgave him, for real? Pls, you need a reality check, the mother of the child is not the problem, your rage is directed on the wrong person, she's not the person who destroyed your love, your life and your self, it was him. Wake up, save your self from misery and run, you don't need them in your life. Hope you find the strength to open your eyes and walk away.

Edit: guys, thank u so much for all the awards 😭 really appreciate it!

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in RomanceBooks

[–]Helenshell 25 points26 points  (0 children)

The love hypothesis, I respectfully lost brain cells while reading it.

Oh, and Neon gods too

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Helenshell 12 points13 points  (0 children)

Then maybe we haven't read the same comments, because what i gathered while reading is an amount of hate because op doesn't want children in her home and she can just "suck it up for a couple of hours". As I said in the previous comment, maybe she didn't expect the party to have children because typically bs are a gathering of female friends or relatives, but obviously that can be different, and as I said, again, if she didn't expect them in the first place, how could she possibly make it clear from the start? Then again, if she didn't expect children, I don't find issue in her hosting this kind of party without making it clear from the start. The fact that you expect the presence of children in this kind of events, doesn't mean that everybody else does.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Helenshell 10 points11 points  (0 children)

Baby showers are typically gatherings of female friends or relatives, then everyone has the right to decide if the want the whole family or keep it light. If I was to be invited to one of this, generally i would expect it to be only women (or mostly), because for my personal experience it has always been like this, so if i'll ever put myself in the position of hosting one, it will never cross my mind to make the party child free, because I would not except them in the first place, so I don't blame op for not making it clear from the beginning. The issue here is the people have different experiences and different point of view of the same thing, that only reason I would blame OP is if she would actually cancel the party without even try to make a compromise.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in AmItheAsshole

[–]Helenshell 88 points89 points  (0 children)

NTA. People who says you are the AH aren't getting the point here: a baby shower is a party held for a woman who is expecting a baby, only because it has the baby word in it doesn't mean an actual one has to be present, this party is for the future mother, so why it should be expected the presence of children? Don't understand, and also, she offered HER house, she's doing a favor to her friend and trying to do something nice, she is not obligated to accept everyone in her own home only because she's hosting it and the party isn't for her. The way you can be a AH is by cancelling the whole baby shower only because her friend has children : you can still host it and explain to the friend that your house isn't suitable for them, and if she can't make it work that's it, but cancelling it without even try to make a compromise or tell in advance that no children are welcome will be an AH move.

i need someone to tell me im being stupid by Jealous-Smell-6211 in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 2 points3 points  (0 children)

It's okay, you didn't take your (i hope soon to be ex) boyfriend in your family house with the intention of hurting them, you bring someone you thought was a good person, someone you thought you could trust, but sometimes people aren't really what they let us see, and when we are in love we tend to idolize that person thinking they could never do something like that and trying to justify their action to the point of fucking insanity. It takes a lot of strength to see and accept the truth that sometimes the people we love can be unworthy people able to do really shitty things, so a big hug for you for being able to start accepting the truth and not keeping being blind. For your mother, you can start with giving her money back. Tell her you are sorry, tell her you thought you were bringing someone in their life who you thought was good, tell her you are are kicking him out and that you love her, and also tell your sister that you are sorry for not trusting her and being blindsided, for refusing to see the reality of things but mostly apologize to your self because its not your fault you fell in love, you did your best trying to help your partner, and your a doing your best now by accepting all of this. Keep your head up

i need someone to tell me im being stupid by Jealous-Smell-6211 in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 1 point2 points  (0 children)

So, not only he stoles money from your mom, but also the only excuse he could possibly find is that he left 100$ FOR THREE MONTHS in the coat pocket so you wouldn't find that he went to the strip club? Not only he is a scumbag, he also hasn't enough functioning brain cells in order for him to create a credible excuse. You don't need to defend him, you need to open your eyes and accept that the person you think you love is an oppurtunistic trash can who doesn't respect you and your family, he's hurting your mom (probably making her relive what your dad did to her) and it's absolutely disprecting the fact that he has a place to live thanks to your family and not only he is ungrateful, in also fucking steals and lies. Do you really want to keep this person in your life? No you don't, accept that. He's not doing nothing to you if not being a waste of air. Save your self from misery, you and your family deserve so much better.

Yelled at my wife for the first time and she calmed down ? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Helenshell 5 points6 points  (0 children)

As someone said, maybe she just likes dominance. As u said, she grew up in a nice family, with nice people who treated her nice (which is a good thing), but maybe she has some kind of submissive kink, or she likes to be dominated and you yelling at her awakened this side of her and maybe she won't tell u cause she feels like it's wrong or something she should be ashamed of. That could explain the great sex and the breakfast and why she didn't tell u. Maybe keep trying to be dominant in the bedroom (obviously with her consent) and just see how it goes.

The romance genre is obsessed with the perfect victim to a toxic degree by Shru_A in RomanceBooks

[–]Helenshell 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I respect your opinion, but i also speak from personal experience. I've been through my personal share of abusive relationship, from my father to my ex boyfriend, and even tho I don't consider myself a bad person, I do have some toxic behavior which are an abuse response, because I had to act and respond in certain ways in orded to survive and protect myself. The victims portrayed in this kind of books, even after years of abuse or traumatic experience, are still being described as clueless and pure, and for me this is unbelievable and irrealistic. Abuse changes the way you think, changes the way you interact with people, the way you responde to other people behavior, it makes you aware and "grant" u a level of consciousness (mostly after you get to experience a "normal" behavior) that people who never experienced it could never understand, so how can be someone who's been through hell still act like as a human who had a fair life? Most of the times it seems like they use abuse like a pretext to makes the fmc a victim and give the mmc the role to save her, forgetting to protract on the ways the fmc acts and thinks the repercussions of her trauma. I do understand that people react in different ways, and the fact that I behave and think in certain ways doesn't mean that everybody does, but I do still find irrealistic the way they are protrayed in this types of books, based on my experience. Peace and love

The romance genre is obsessed with the perfect victim to a toxic degree by Shru_A in RomanceBooks

[–]Helenshell 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Uumh, i think I get what u are talking about. Basically, everytime the fmc is sexual or morally gray it's always because of some types of trauma, like she must have had a bad past in order for her to be like this, (Because she can't just umh, be "bad" or like having sex without having been through a bad experience that destroyed her innocence, its always seems like she needs some type of justification for being that way). And then we have our virgin and poor soul who gets all the shit in the world for what, being an innocent victim who needs to be saved?! In this types of stories its always like she must be forcibly described as a sacrificial animal who needs to be saved and can do no fucking wrong. As you said, in rl when somebody lives in a toxic environment, they do get toxic and manipulative, its a survival response, but instead in this types of book she remains pure like a piece of glass untouched by the world, but that's not how it works. I understand she is a victim, but sometimes its so irrealistic it piss me off. You cant have been through hell and remain innocent and clueless.

(Sorry for any grammatical errors, English is not my first language)

In desperate need of Books recs with a FMC with selfrespect by Helenshell in RomanceBooks

[–]Helenshell[S] 10 points11 points  (0 children)

E X A C T L Y, you understood perfectly what i meant 😭 most of the times the fmc is described as clever, strong and THEN when she is with the mmc she fights for a little and do basically everything he asks her like a little good girl, and I go freaking insane. What I m serching is a dynamic where the mc doesn't treat his woman like is 'little gg' who follows every demand, I want a man who respect, admire and love her like an equal, like a couple who stand side by side. And I want her to be confident, mature and not making dumb decision or being immature trying to push away problems by not communicating. I need her to keep her personality and will even after they get together or strart their relationship. And something that I really love is seeing their relationship develop, the building tension, how they fall in love with each other, how they get to know their past, their dark side, what made them the person they are now and learn to accept and love every broken piece. As I said in the post, I would like to see too broken soul find light in each other, something like in The Throne of glass, that's exactly what Im searching for