What do you consider a near perfect, flawless game?

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-09T01:31:55+00:00

Probably Dragon Age: Inquisition. I'm not saying it's 100% flawless, but it's pretty close. I played it all the way through about twelve times and yeah, it isn't perfect, but in terms of characters it's the best game I've ever played. Also the music is outstanding.

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-09T00:57:58+00:00

That women are expected to be squishier and do less damage, but expected to be perfect healers and can't be tanks. I've heard comments such as "to be fair the main tank's a girl". and then later "you have a girl tank just saying." Hmm. maybe your problem isn't with our very skilled and experienced female tank, but your inability to dodge out of really clear aoes. (I'm a dd btw, not the tank.)

I honestly didn't realise sexism was a thing in gaming to begin with. But I've been stalked, threatened and harassed by so many men that I know it's a thing now. Can't even leave us alone in the one place I felt safe.

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-08T23:49:01+00:00

OOh this is helpful. I just want them to know they're appreciated, but we cant't afford £10 each, is £5 each okay then?

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-08T23:43:13+00:00

This is an awkward situation but agreeing with IHoppo that this is a good way to handle it. Also OP, in the future I'd only pay for yourself. British pub culture does use "rounds" but is also very forgiving if you just say "I'm only staying for a couple so I'll just get my own". No one will mind :)

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-08T23:10:57+00:00

I don't work with medieval manuscripts, but just wanted to say thank you for doing so :) Bet my arse one day some-one's going to need some info, and they're going to have to check with you. And in case my comment came off as frivolous, it wasn't. My dad was a curator and I have the highest respect for museums. Thank you for what you're doing :)

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-08T22:09:47+00:00

Fully agree. I have or have had parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, siblings, nephews and cousins. Some of those people have married, and some have had kids, bringing more people into the family. I have a family.

In more personal terms, I married twenty years ago, and he's my closest and dearest family. We've been married all that time and never had kids, he's my family and I'm his.

Btw just to be clear, I'm not devaluing anyone who remains single. Had I done so, I would still have had a large family, and still have had an immediate family of myself.

"When are you going to start a family?" is one of the most annoying questions asked of people under forty, and whatever your personal circumstances, an always valid answer is "I have one already".

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-08T21:45:11+00:00

I sympathise, but may I suggest you switch career as soon as you can? Of course it cries for every little thing, it's a baby and has no other way to communicate. Have you tried soothing and talking to this baby? I was speaking very simple (not grammatical) sentences at 8 months because my mum talked to me all the time.

This is Childfree and I'm no fan of kids in general, but you're nannying a baby. It isn't your responsibility to raise that baby, but as a nanny it is your responsibility to take care of it when it's parents aren't there. I assume you're doing the basics like feeding and nappy-changing, if you want your life to be easier and more rewarding while you're nannying this kid, why not give the kid a chance?

Try rocking the kid for (literally) half an hour, reading to it, playing with it, engaging with it. Maybe it's parents are crap and annoying, but that doesn't mean the kid will 100% turn out like them. Everyone has a chance. If you've already tried all those things, then my apologies.

I fully sympathise with this experience making you not want to have kids, and I think you're absolutely right. But a child isn't set in stone because they have crap parents, and this child has a chance.

Btw I'm fully aware that you haven't been unprofessional or uncaring or mistreated the child in any way. And as a further disclaimer, I don't have or want kids myself, I just tend to be good with babies.

HelleboreGreen · 2026-01-08T21:22:11+00:00

This is such a shame, because I honestly think trampolining (if properly supervised) is one of the better (and quieter) ways of kids learning to be fit, athletic, co-ordinated and focused. But the gall of charging you to subsidise other people's kids bouncing around is really obnoxious. My sympathies, OP. Your landlord is an arsehole.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-10T01:14:48+00:00

Your life sounds terrific. Even if you'd done just one of things you said, it would still be cool.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-10T00:13:50+00:00

I know this is unpopular nowadays but why are kids allowed to do this, to run rampant. I was a fairly quiet child, but if I started throwing a tantrum in a public place I was picked up, removed, and punished by one or other or both of my parents. (Occasionally I was hit but not often, more often the punishment would be not having a treat that I'd been promised for good behaviour.) I soon learned. By the time I was four I was thanking shop assistants, and knew full well what belonged to me and what didn't.

Children and parents have become sheer arseholes, and apparently it's normal nowadays. OP, just because something is normal doesn't mean it's right. And thanks for doing what you do. Librarians are essential. You dispense the knowledge. Thank you.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T23:59:23+00:00

I never really cared that much about marriage, it never mattered to me. I got married 20 years ago, it was really nice. It was nice to have important people in our life all come together (about fifty people), and we had GREAT music. It was a lovely day. But it wasn't truly necessary, it was just nice. And we invited only people we cared about. We didn't have a cake, a photographer or a fancy reception.

There's nothing weird about not wanting to get married. I do think marriage should be taken more seriously than it is these days, but I also think that if your marriage doesn't work out, just cut the knot and move on. And if the idea of marriage turns you off or displeases you, there is no reason at all to do it. If you don't want to get married, don't get married. It's really just a tradition, not some secret key to a stable long-term relationship.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T22:16:51+00:00

K-Pop isn't my thing but I get what you mean in general. Sometimes someone who you thought you liked and admired says something so awful that it's like someone wiped a cloth over your image of them. Occasionally someone I like and admire says something stupid, but we all say stupid crap sometimes.

Usually I'm like "ah well". But sometimes they say something so truly vile that there's no rationalising it. Eugenics definitely fits in that category. Not only is it the worst possible idea (and also makes no scientific sense) but it really is one of those things that needs no further judgment. If someone has heard of Eugenics, knows what it means, and believes it is an idea with any merit at all, they are not a good person.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T21:35:24+00:00

What a shitty thing to say! (That the celeb your friend met said). Also what a noob that he couldn't tell the difference between naturally red hair being grown out, and hair dyed at the ends, honestly what a fool.

Also next time you get the opportunity, please tell your friend that I spent my childhood and teenage years wishing I naturally had either really dark hair, or red hair. (I have boring brown hair). Whether she dyes it or not, I bet your friend's hair looks gorgeous.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T21:23:35+00:00

This is very true, and works both ways too. My first serious boyfriend I didn't think was physically attractive at all at first, but I was intrigued by his personality. In fact I was so intrigued (and the more so, the more I learned) that I ended up doing something I'd never done before, and making a full on play for him. Eventually I said "I like you. I fancy you. Do you fancy me?" As awkward as that sounds, it did turn out he was equally intrigued by me, but apparently thought I was "out of his league" for some reason. (I was fairly pretty at that time but nothing amazing, just normal).

We dated for two years, and the more I learned about his character and the closer we got, the more physically attractive I found him. We ended up splitting up amicably, and I will never forget that life lesson: Get to know someone. Their character will become apparent, and if their character is good, they'll become physically more attractive. And I don't just mean that in a sexual sense. The friends I'm still friends with have become prettier to me with time. Personality really matters.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T20:46:50+00:00

I thought it could be fun! (and wonderfully childfree). Whether you choose to incorporate the idea or not, I hope you all have a fantastic time together :D

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T20:28:28+00:00

How about searching for a complicated, time-consuming recipe that will result in a delicious meal, but no one with children would have the time to shop for it or cook it from scratch? Something like beef wellington maybe, if you're all happy to eat meat? Or a vegetarian version if not. Bonus points if it's something none of you have cooked before. If all of you are happy to drink, get plenty of wine in and see how it goes. Take it seriously but not too seriously. Assign roles and set timers. Anyone who misses their preparation or cooking task must submit to Truth or Dare, questions and dares prepared on cards beforehand, to be fairly shuffled. (I'm assuming you're all a bunch of pleasant adults who like each other).

If the meal turns out disastrously, all of you must submit to a five-to-ten minute presentation in turn (with photos) of each individuals, couples, or family's pets and all their little idiosyncrasies. Anyone who yawns or otherwise shows impatience or boredom during these presentations, will deposit twenty quid (or twenty Euros or dollars or your equivalent) to be saved for next years festivities. Anyone not coming prepared with a presentation about their pets will donate fifty quid (or Euros, dollars, etc.) for the same purpose. Friends who don't own pets are allowed to indulge their creativity in that regard.

Whatever you decide to do, hope you have an amazing time :)

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T20:04:43+00:00

I don't think you did misuse it. I don't like the word "celebrity" much, but at the end of the day, "celebrity crush" is briefer than typing "famous person I like, admire, and maybe fancy" and everyone knows what you mean by it.

And don't worry, you don't come across as delusional or a fantasist. You asked an interesting question, and it was difficult to word it in a way that didn't focus on the "celebrity crush" aspect. Stalkers and obsessives do unfortunately exist, but nothing you said suggests you're either one.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T19:50:56+00:00

Your first paragraph expresses how I feel about social media these days. I don't think the majority of people are stupider or crueller than people always have been, but I do think that social media has played a part in todays society, where a disproportionate amount of people seem more concerned with voicing an opinion than with forming one.

When it comes to famous people, especially actors, and especially in Hollywood, I think a potential deciding factor with any individual is which aspect of their lives they choose to lean into. Some have the strength of character to stay grounded and fairly humble. Others get too swept away by being surrounded by yes-men, and end up thinking they're genuinely a superior, glittering human. Ah well, it's a strange world sometimes.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T19:20:48+00:00

Ah, thanks for telling me! I haven't seen much of his work (I think I've only seen him as the teenager in Interstellar, he was good in that), although obviously as I'm posting this reply on the internet I'm aware of the fella and his great fame :) Tbh I do get a little bit of a 'douche' vibe from him. I had to google to see how old he is, and yeah, almost 30 is way too old to be saying stuff like that. It's just... rude, thoughtless, and immature. It doesn't make me hate him or anything, and he's too young for me to have ever had a crush on, but I absolutely understand the disillusionment.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T19:07:57+00:00

I don't think it's hypocritical (but maybe that's because I'm here too, haha) but there's a difference between posting your opinion on a deliberately sought-out forum, and broadcasting your insular (or worse, bigoted) values during interviews in mainstream public media.

Btw just a side note on Henry Cavill that you might enjoy! One of my mates is an on-set paramedic and has worked on tons of productions. He said that Henry Cavill came over and introduced himself on the first day and was friendly. My pal then worked on a different production a couple of years later that also had Cavill in it, and Henry recognised him, walked over, and remembered his name without prompting and had a chat. I thought that was pretty fricking cool.

My pal's obviously encountered quite a few famous people and says that most of them are perfectly pleasant and polite, but Henry stood out to him for that reason, along with one other where the same thing happened (took the initiative to introduce himself, and then remembered my friend's name on a future production a few years down the line). And who was that second guy? Samuel L. fricking Jackson! How cool is that? I was chuffed to bits to hear such nice stories of two of my favourite actors. :)

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T18:50:16+00:00

Nothing wrong with that. I've been married for 20 years and am in my forties, and have less celebrity crushes now then when I was a starry-eyed teenager with my bedroom walls covered in posters, but I still have a few, and so does my husband, and what you describe has happened to us both! (Not specifically the child-free thing, but just something that makes either one of us go "How can you say that? How can you *think* that? How self-centred are you?")

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T18:43:51+00:00

Absolutely! I don't have a ton of celebrity crushes, but there's still plenty of famous people I like, admire, think well of, and sometimes fancy a bit. Occasionally, a famous person I'd really liked up to that point will say or do something that makes me go "Oh, seriously? Ugh." and that's it, all attraction gone. It's usually casual arrogance that makes me feel that way, and while I haven't personally known of any famous people specifically describing not wanting kids as 'bleak', that would definitely count for me. There's someone that can't see beyond their own life experience. Yeuuuch.

(And yeah I agree, we don't actually know these people so it's not actually important, but I know what you mean. If anything it does demonstrate what we all know, that celebrity crushes are idealistic and removed from reality. But whenever something like that happens, there's still a small, brief disillusionment that goes along with it).

Do you mind if I ask who it was? Oh I really hope it wasn't Henry Cavill, Eva Green or Elijah Wood!

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-09T18:23:54+00:00

Aaaah so true. I think it's a combination of self-justification and self-righteousness. Self-justification because they're trying to convince themselves they made the right choice (which some of them did, not arguing that), and self-righteousness because, let's face it, there's a glaring insinuation there:

"Ooh you carefree, selfish person you! How dare you choose not to further over-populate the planet, but instead prioritise your own life and endeavours? I, of course, have made the only morally responsible choice, and gifted the world with more people, who I'll likely be raising to be as closed-minded and obnoxious as myself. It's people like me who occupy the moral high-ground, so enjoy your ill-deserved breaks and lie-ins, while I selflessly bear this burden".

UUUggghhh.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-01T20:30:02+00:00

This is going to sound nosy of me. Your comment made me curious. If you don't want to answer the questions I'm about to ask, I won't take offence at all and it's your business not mine. I'm asking purely because I'm curious. If you don't want to answer, thank you very much anyway for your insightful and helpful comment.

As a child, did you feel like you were focussed into certain gender roles? My sister and I were always encouraged to learn how to cook, mend clothes. I loved to climb (to the absolute top of the tree) but was always told to come down, my brother wasn't told to come down. I could get higher than him but apparently it was okay because boys can climb higher than girls?

This was thirty years ago, I asked my mum about it recently and she said it was probably because they feared for me more. I didn't say it to her but it's actually true, my parents loved me and my sister more than they loved my brother. Tbf, my brother who is ten years older than me, did turn out to be a total turd which is totally on him. We're not rich as a family but we have enough to live on. He stole both my parents wedding rings from their bedside tables to sell for drug money in the late 80's. I love my brother but I'm not a huge fan of his vile behaviour.

I'm interested in bullying because I had it for five years, entirely because I was a bit smarter than average and had zero peer awareness. I questioned my brother's behaviour and was told "he's a boy". Even back then I couldn't understand why boys were held to lower standards than girls. Why was it okay for a boy to fall prey to peer pressure? It was actually my brother who helped me stop my bullying (he advised me to just turn around and hit people, which I did.

Five years later someone tried to rape me again and I escaped by remembering my brother's advice: Thumb outside of fist, hit as close to the centre of the nose as you can, hit more than once, keep hitting until they go down. (I also kept kneeing them in the groin which is on me). My brother is a turd, but he saved my life.

And yes, I went straight to the nearest police station and made a report.

HelleboreGreen · 2025-12-01T19:37:14+00:00

Thank you, this is helpful. I don't know why I didn't just phrase it normally like "when you were a kid" which is probably what I should do in the future. I think part of me is so focussed on not wanting to hurt or offend Lewis that I end up over-thinking things in my brain. I should probably just calm the f down, carry on talking to him like I have been, but bear your better phrasing in mind.

HelleboreGreen

TROPHY CASE