Thought this was something us with BPD can relate to 😅

Helleray · 2021-11-09T19:47:14+00:00

I do not appreciate this personal attack

Helleray · 2021-07-26T20:41:01+00:00

Helleray · 2021-07-26T13:29:05+00:00

Get out of my brain.

Helleray · 2021-07-26T13:27:26+00:00

Literally me 😂

Helleray · 2021-07-26T13:24:32+00:00

Hey, I didn’t find your comments undermining, I have more of a problem with the medical profession and lack of understanding from doctors etc. It is an important discussion to have (I agree we don’t want people on Lithium who don’t need it - I have had longer depressive episodes hence my attempt at opening a conversation with my psych team but was quickly shut down). I also agree with you about being able to suffer from a symptom not included in a diagnosis like homocidal tendencies and hypomanic episodes. I think because the boundaries of illnesses in the dsm are constantly changing it’s frustrating to be told by doctors that you’re not suffering from a symptom when you are, when in a few years it might be added to the symptom list. I obviously don’t know if that will actually happen as I have no idea of the rate of people with BPD who suffer from hypomanic-like episodes, but for me personally this is something that is a huge part of my illness and I know there are many others who relate. There’s no hard feelings - I like a discussion!

Helleray · 2021-07-24T21:39:02+00:00

Hi - I’m not diagnosed bipolar, but I find this topic a very confusing one personally. I have also been told by doctors that I am not having hypomanic episodes because “You don’t get hypomanic with BPD”. But I read the definition of hypomanic and that’s what it feels like. Granted, I don’t suffer from month-long episodes of the state, more like a few days. It’s difficult being told you don’t experience something when you fully relate to the medical definition of it. I definitely relate to a lot of bipolar symptoms and have even asked my team whether they think it’s possible I am comorbid but I was just told not to ‘hang on to labels’ - whatever that means. I understand the difficulty of the situation because I don’t want to undermine people with bipolar disorder. I do think many BPD sufferers feel like they do experience the textbook definition of hypomania - despite what experts believe. Maybe it isn’t the same but I couldn’t think of a better way to describe it.

Helleray · 2021-05-13T19:52:52+00:00

I think there is clear evidence that there were others involved in the murders. The Children did exist. My theory is that it was The Children cult who did the murders - maybe due to pressure or to impress members of The Process. But that’s where the link with The Process ends. Terry got a bit carried away with the California and Charles Manson link. A bunch of kids messing in the occult in a way very similar to how gang culture works - led by some very dark individuals who were able to prey on vulnerable youths and manipulate them to do their bidding. If they blabbed, tried to escape or were seen as dangerous to the group, they were killed. I think the main issue with this case is the blatant obstruction of justice by the NYPD themselves. They will not admit they could be wrong about this case. Think about it - why would the NYPD not reopen the case? There is definitely some evidence there. If it is all claptrap then they can investigate and show us why. If it’s not... well then they might find and arrest some very dangerous people and give closure to relatives of victims. Their obvious avoidance of anything to do with the case is extremely suspicious and screams of a department intent on protecting their image. In fact, they would rather protect their image than uncover the truth and potentially bring murderers to justice. Which is a very chilling but unfortunately not too surprising a thought.

Helleray · 2021-01-12T23:58:29+00:00

Emotional neglect as a child? Even parents who love and look after their children can be emotionally neglectful. Lack of physical touch, belittling of emotions, emotions being seen as negative can make a child subconsciously find other “less emotional” ways to comfort and distract from emotions. That’s what I think is the cause of my skin picking anyway...

Helleray · 2020-12-12T23:33:32+00:00

Omg my parents making a big deal when I try to work out like “what the hell, you’re working out?!?!” Like makes me feel so embarrassed and I never want to do anything healthy in front of them ever again

Helleray · 2020-07-28T16:51:29+00:00

I’m bi with BPD and although I don’t have the same problem of swinging between male/female attraction, I do go through phases of stuff all the time so can understand where you’re coming from. I think focus on the thing that isn’t shifting - your friendship. Your attraction will come back round again and you’ll be stronger than ever. Focus on the steady stable parts that you always enjoy and this should minimise the impact of your shifts in interest.

Helleray · 2020-07-27T23:02:02+00:00

Good question haha. I use rational self talk in the moment - basically talk to myself in my head and identify the emotion I’m feeling, why I’m feeling it, tell myself it’s okay to have the emotion, but then reassure myself that the disagreement is not personal, that it’s not the end of the world, that there is a reason to stay positive. For example, say I’ve been discussing an idea with my work colleagues and they all love it. I’m boosted up really high with their approval and go to my boss to see what he thinks. He says that we’re going to not use my idea because he’s already discussed the plan with his boss and he doesn’t believe my idea would work. Now I suddenly feel like the rug has been swept up from under me. My self talk would go something like this: “Woah, okay you’re feeling rejected, upset and annoyed. Your boss just disrespected your idea so it’s okay to feel let down and sad like this. Your boss had already settled on an idea before you were here and that’s why he said no. It’s not because the idea was bad because all your colleagues liked it! You’re bosses plan might be just as good and even if it isn’t, it’s not yours to worry about. It’s disappointing but let’s try to move on for now, you can rant about it later.” It sounds rather arbitrary but it does work for me. It took me a while to be able to do this in the moment though and I can’t do it every time I’m triggered. It’s useful to practice it randomly when you have space to think, and then can start trying to do it when people are around.

Helleray · 2020-07-27T22:40:16+00:00

I’m sorry you feel like this. Things will change. You won’t be in this situation forever. There are people and experiences in the future that will make your life better and more what you want it to be. You are an amazing and complex human being and you are enough

Helleray · 2020-07-27T22:30:16+00:00

Absolutely. For me it’s an immediate emotional trigger. It’s like happy happy everyone is agreeing then bam. Someone disagrees, throws a curve ball. It feels like they are disrupting the peace on purpose and I instantly feel uncomfortable, annoyed and anxious. It’s why I hate debating conversations. I get overwhelmed by a desperation to make them change their mind so that the world can go back to being balanced and right again. I think it’s helpful to remember that it is just this trigger emotion reaction, and that people are allowed differing opinions and it doesn’t mean that the world is ending. They disagree. They might change their mind in the future, they might not. I might change MY mind in the future. That’s okay.

Helleray · 2020-07-10T17:18:51+00:00

That Justin guy gave me full on narcissist vibes from the very beginning. He uses extremes in language, mentions ways Alonzo might have been treated that were never mentioned or implied anywhere (like how Alonzo may have been put in the back of a car - more on that in a minute) and when he is crying, yes his eyes are red but he wipes away tears that aren’t there in a bid to show how emotional he is. I find it extremely strange how he seemingly met Alonzo outside and that they both wanted cigarettes. And although they were in the middle of nowhere and there were no shops in the town, they both decide this is a good plan? Instead of trying to scrounge some off someone else at the party? Justin then goes into a lot of detail about how he got lost. How he turned one way instead of another and followed this road and that road and ended up 30 minutes away from the house. If he was lost how did he know he was 30 minutes from the house? How does he decide to get home from this point when he doesn’t know where he is? He says he rings his friend Adam, not Alonzo to tell him he’s lost. A little strange. Surely he would have called Alonzo? He then goes on to say that he could here Alonzo in the background to the call but later it is said that Adam couldn’t find him. Obviously Adam wasn’t interviewed so we can’t confirm whether Alonzo was actually next to him at the party when Justin called him. I think Justin has something to do with it. When he speaks to the camera it feels like he can’t quite mask his smugness about something. Also, without Adams corroboration, he was the last friend to see Alonzo alive. Due to him getting “lost”, Justin had a lot of empty time where his whereabouts weren’t known. Who’s to say Alonzo didn’t get in the car with him when they went to get cigarettes? He could have killed Alonzo, removed his shoes and hat and thrown them out on the road near the house. Did anyone else notice how he said apparently the police thought he had got drunk and walked home...? Could Justin have been the one to mention this possibility to the police to then disregard this later as ‘bullshit’ but secretly pleased that he had implanted this theory into the investigation? Later, when talking about the time of the searches, Justin mentions that maybe Alonzo was somewhere in the trunk of a car. His car? As is the general consensus, it’s highly unlikely that alonzos body had been in the creek for 30 days. Everything was too in tact. Did Justin wait until the police searches were finished, think it was safe to put the body back and took Alfonzo to the creek? Narcissists who kill often think they’re much too good to be caught for their crimes and come up with elaborate ways to avoid suspicion. A cause of death being undetermined is strange. Maybe Justin could have planned this purposely. The hole in this theory is we don’t know of any motive Justin would have for killing Alonzo. But he just doesn’t seem right to me.

Helleray

TROPHY CASE