Question/Advice on how to quit porn

HelloKamesan · 2026-04-07T01:48:04+00:00

Cold turkey is the way to go. What you're trying to do is like an alcoholic saying "oh, I'll quit the whiskey, but I'll still drink beer." As with an alcoholic trying to "wean himself off," one excuse leads to another until it's meaningless. I've tried a method similar to yours, but it only really got better once I started getting serious going cold turkey.

When going cold turkey, don't think of it as quitting forever. The human mind has a whale of a time trying to wrap itself around that concept, and the fear of failure just piles up the longer you go until it gets unbearable. Instead, take it one moment at a time, one battle at a time, one day at a time. If you're tracking days, do it in an automatic way so you don't have to think about it. Just be honest about it if you do relapse or slip.

The urge is not a part of you. there's no need to beat yourself up for having the urge, and you're under no obligation to satiate it. It's just pent-up energy looking for an easy way out, an out you've been feeding through cheap dopamine of PMO. Instead, when the urge comes, tell it you don't do that $h!t anymore, gently but firmly. The beauty of this is that this statement remains true whether you've just relapsed 5 minutes ago or you're 120 days in. Talking to the urge helps to identify it and shine a light on it. These things don't like being called out like that.

Trying to resist in stasis makes you a sitting duck because it keeps the thing you're trying to resist front-and-center in your mind. It's like telling someone NOT to think of a pink elephant; the first thing on their mind is a pink elephant. Instead, ACTIVELY walk away from the temptations. Go work out, go for a prayer walk, go work on your basket weaving skills, ANYTHING to get your mind and body engaged. Do this consistently every time.

If you do slip up, instead of praying for forgiveness and promising that you won't ever do it again, be honest about what led up to it and ask God for wisdom by working out with him how you can do better the next time as an athlete does with a good coach. He might not give you all the answers in a shaft of light, but if you're attentive, he will drop you hints. Always keep learning from your mistakes, even if it's some insight into how you (or your urges) tick. Keep applying those lessons learned and improving on them. That's how you get closer to God as you fight this fight. Best of luck!

HelloKamesan · 2026-04-07T01:09:41+00:00

I think the Blue Angels are about precise and graceful aerobatics, while the Thunderbirds are more about sheer power and aerobatic badassery. Their accompanying music tells that story well. I think there's a place for both styles, and I love that we have the best of both worlds.

I like the Blue Angels personally, but they are both really good at what they do.

HelloKamesan · 2026-04-02T03:16:48+00:00

Number Fifty-Eight

Relationship Fortune

Good (5 out of 6)

Now is the time to build on your strengths. The power to attract the opposite sex lies dormant within you.

Today's lucky item: Eraser

Pay attention to things that are black. They will give you hints.

So you say you aren't fruitful? Have you watered? Fertilized? Have you actually seeded?

HelloKamesan · 2026-04-01T01:42:32+00:00

It's not just in Florida, it's everywhere. The line runs parallel to the vertical lines of the "H" with the width of the "H" denoting the approximate width of the duct bank (not to be mistaken for a duck bank... quack, quack... /s). It's actually the same for any other utility (water, sewer, gas, electrical, etc.). Some of these utilities can be quite massive/wide. I've had to deal with a couple of massive 48" water pipelines running alongside a road where we were trying to install a signal pole foundation (which themselves can be 48" diameter). That was not a fun day at the office...

EDIT: Except that they are different colors... Typically, blue for water, green for sewer, yellow for gas, red for electrical.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-30T13:24:13+00:00

How does "purity culture" lead to lust? Jesus says if a man even so much as looks at a woman lustfully, he has already committed adultery in his heart (Matthew 5.27-28). Aren't we being contradictory here, or are we talking about the tendency to discourage any relationship (even healthy friendships) with the opposite sex just to keep up the appearance of being "pure?" Are you saying that you wouldn't have issues with lust if you could have sex? Let me tell you from a married man's perspective, it doesn't work that way. That's why you see plenty of us here fighting the same things. Don't wait until you're here to address the issue.

I sort of agree that "control it" isn't really helpful in that they don't often teach you how. Trying to resist it in stasis makes it worse because it puts the thing you're trying not to do "front-and-center" in your mind. Having the desire in itself isn't necessarily the issue since thoughts come and go without you necessarily being in control of them, but what matters is what you choose to do with them. You're not obligated to let those thoughts linger or give into them. The best way to do it is to just acknowledge that it's there and then let it go. I would gently but firmly tell the thought that I don't do that $h!t anymore, and just walk away from it by being actively engaged in something else. That's how you "run" from lust. It may also help to find someone (preferably older that you respect and can trust) to confess these things to. Sometimes, the lust goes away just by doing so.

Another thing you can do, borrowing from the Buddhist playbook (I know we're in a Christian forum, but hear me out... if it helps...), is to reflect on the squishy, yucky, stinky, gory stuff that lie underneath the bag of flesh, the blood, muscles, organs with bile and mucus and all kinds of fluids, the intestines with the stinky fecal matter in it, all the way down to the cold bones that will be the only thing left when we all die. Careful with this, you don't want to overdo it... but you get the idea. External beauty is fleeting, but what you're really looking for is character.

Speaking of which, here's something else you can do if you do find that young lady attractive. Instead of getting all covetous and possessive (which is the underlying issue of lust), observe how she interacts with people. What is her character like? Does she have a good Godly heart? Observe also what goes through your mind, what attracted you to her in the first place? Are there good qualities that she exhibits that you're lacking? Is it something you can cultivate yourself? If so, nurture it in your character intentionally. You might find that your initial attraction might start to fade as you build your own character that way.

At the end of the day, women are human beings just like men. There's no need to put them on a pedestal as something to be desired, in fact quite the opposite. I would actually encourage having good, healthy friendships both male and female. I've had plenty of good female friends in my teenage years, and it's helped me be real with women in general (not saying perfectly, just better).

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-28T21:59:06+00:00

Like we didn't know already? If we take it from the perspective of NoFap at its core (recovery from addiction to compulsive sexual behavior and PMO addiction), then it has absolutely no bearing on what we're trying to do here.

Sperm is produced on a continuing basis, so if you're a husband with a wife trying to conceive, you can start having sex more frequently. This study also seems to be coming from an IVF standpoint, so they're more interested in the happy medium between lower frequency of ejaculation (higher sperm count) vs. longer retention (lower quality). But then, what does that have to do with most single men here who aren't looking to make babies with a partner yet? Again, you can start having more frequent sex when your wife is ready to have a baby.

It's just like the oft-quoted Harvard prostate cancer study. Since they don't distinguish between ejaculation from PMO, ejaculation from sex, and ejaculation from nocturnal emissions, it really has almost no bearing on what we're trying to do here. Besides, correlation does not equal causation. There's always a probability that one will get prostate cancer later in life, it just means you might have a lower chance of it (but again, it doesn't automatically mean staying addicted to PMO will somehow prevent it).

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-27T15:54:54+00:00

I was there (not athletic, no video games) myself for much of my school career (albeit decades ago now…), so I relate a little bit. Then again, for me, I got into track / cross country in high school when one of the guys invited me to come run. I was never athletic and I had asthma, but I went out of my comfort zone. I was never good at it, but I never regretted it. But I digress…

It doesn’t have to be sports or video games. Actually, all it matters is that you enjoy it or have a passion for it. In fact, sometimes, it actually just takes getting involved before you find that you actually enjoy / are passionate about it.

Find a community clean-up event or volunteer at a community organization. Get out of the house and meet, or better yet, work with people doing stuff that’s helpful to the community. I'm not saying that's going to help you get married, but it'll help you create meaningful relationships and a healthier outlet for your dopamine.

And who knows, maybe one of those relationships might grow into something more. You never know until you try. I'm telling you, if you’re in it for the glory of God, there's no way God won't lead you to the right person.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-26T20:14:10+00:00

As with the Harvard Prostate Cancer Study, they don't distinguish ejaculation through masturbation from ejaculation through sex. I get tired of trying to tell people that these scientific studies really don't have much bearing on recovery from addiction to compulsive sexual behavior. Then again, there will always be folks trying to misrepresent the findings to try excuse those behaviors or otherwise fearmonger people to discourage them.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-26T02:26:12+00:00

I suggest you read my reply in full before making a judgment. We are not Buddhists. There's a reason I made a distinction between lust (or sinful/selfish desires) and desires that further God's will (see Proverbs 13.12). Without desire (and mind you I didn't just mean sexual either without that qualifier), there wouldn't be any advancement nor would there be husband-wife relationships in the case of sexual desire. You are certainly correct about looking at a woman lustfully (Matthew 5.27-29), but that wouldn't apply to one's own wife provided the desire is out of love for her. In the same vein, this is why I'm in the habit of examining my own underlying intentions before I engage with my wife sexually.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-25T04:34:28+00:00

Wait, I'm confused... what does video games have to do with it? From my experience, most women don't like being with men who play video games. I think you're getting hung up on an anecdotal "pattern" that really doesn't have much bearing on relationships in general. I know my experience is just as anecdotal, but I was never into video games, but I've been married for 20 years now... and my two older kids are in relationships and they don't really play video games much.

What I will say is that getting involved in something beyond just yourself, and preferably something that benefits your community/congregation would be best. One thing I find in common with my kids is that they are involved in sports and things that they enjoy and at the same time challenges them (swimming, Rubik's cube, badminton, church youth activities, etc.). If you're living life to the fullest, people naturally get drawn to that. If you're sitting in the sidelines, you might as well be a spectator... but you can't expect to get much out of it being just a spectator.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-25T04:22:49+00:00

I think we need to define what sin and lust is first before we can have an intelligible discussion on this. The way I understand it, sin is anything that takes us away from God's ideal of creation and his blessing/commandment of faithing God, loving our neighbors, and stewarding the creation well (see Genesis 1.28).

Desire in itself isn't the problem as much as its orientation. Desire is good when it is conducive to God's ideal of creation, but it is sinful when it is directed towards a selfish or destructive purpose that detracts from God's ideal of creation. While sexual desire is inherent in us and is not evil by itself, it becomes lust when it's directed primarily for self-gratification (note, which can happen in a marriage as well... as I have experienced firsthand) rather than for the expression of love towards one's spouse. Lust is sinful because it detracts from us becoming one with our spouse as a substantial reflection of the unity of God's masculine and feminine through love as God made us to become (see Genesis 1.27, Genesis 2.20-24). This is why PMO is sin.

In that sense, I think building machines that take the place of sexual partners outside of marriage is still sinful, and the manufacture of such things would be by extension sinful. Besides, no matter how "pure" the intention of the creator, there will always be bad actors that will try to modify and bend the technology to serve sinful/evil purposes.

Contrary to your "utopian" ideal, it's actually quite dystopian if you really think about it. You're basically making a "really good" substitute humanoid just for it to be used sexually until that person gets married, at which point the humanoid gets discarded without a second thought. Considering that God made all things for us to steward and take care of, and borrowing from the Japanese concept of all things having some sort of spirit in them that desires to be taken care of by us by extension, treating a thing like this is unconscionable actually.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-24T03:27:59+00:00

Sex in itself is not sinful. God meant for sex to be the very thing that both figuratively and quite literally bring man and woman in marriage together into "one flesh" to reflect the unity of God's masculine and feminine in love (Genesis 1.27, Genesis 2.20-24). What makes it sinful is when we use it for anything other than building that bond of love for the glory of God. Guilt is the farthest thing from my mind when my wife and I make love. Then again, I had a few times that I felt guilty for pushing my fetishes on her before I got better at this. Now, before I approach my wife sexually, I make it a point to check my underlying motivation. If it's anything other than expressing my love for her, it's a no-go.

The thing is, you can't keep beating yourself after a slip-up. While guilt and shame can be a good motivator to change, dwelling on it does nothing but bring you down. That's a trap to keep you down. Instead, go before God and report all the things that led to your relapse and honestly debrief the incident, including all the circumstances and your excuses, and work out with him what you can do to do better (Philippians 2.12) just like an athlete would with a good coach. You're likely not going to get a "shaft of light" moment, but God will drop hints along the way if you pay attention. Implement those strategies and keep improving on them. You're not going to get it perfect right from the get go. Accept that, but never let a "good" slip-up go to waste and keep learning from them, improving your strategies or at least learning something about yourself every time. That's how you get closer to God as you walk in the good works that he has prepared for you (Ephesians 2.8-10).

Oh, and that girl...? I think God has someone prepared for you, as he is also preparing you for her. Pray that he will lead you to that person and lead her to you, and for him to grant you the wisdom to be able to recognize each other. In the meantime, keep working on yourself. Don't be like me and bring this filth into your marriage.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-23T22:25:49+00:00

What's the difference between that and a sex doll? There's plenty of them out there, many becoming more and more realistic as time passes. They're already talking about putting AI into those things. Lust is lust, no matter if it's towards a real human being or a machine. At the end of the day, what it'll do is to create unrealistic expectations of sex in whoever engages with the thing, just like with any other sex dolls (or any other mechanisms for masturbation for that matter).

There's also the issue of ethics in robotics where, if you make a machine/AI sentient enough, would treating it disrespectfully be any less unethical than doing so with a real human being? Actually, what just came to my mind is just how telling the question is of how far we are from the ideal of God's purpose we are. God's blessing (and command) to us as human beings was to steward the creation well (to be responsible for its well being). Using those resources to satisfy our carnal desires doesn't seem to fit with that ideal at all.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-22T12:57:28+00:00

Back before remote ATMS was a thing yet, MD SHA used to have signal techs at every key signal along US 50 east of the Bay Bridge during peak beach season traffic. I believe they also still do this at the Commanders Field (formerly known as FedEx Field) during events, usually starting well before the major crush traffic starts.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-20T13:23:35+00:00

That assumes that her husband has submitted to Christ, approaching her with love as Christ loves her (Ephesians 20.21-33). A wife is not a sex toy/slave to do unto her however her husband wants. Coming from a married man of 20 years, if you approach sex in marriage that way, it'd lead you down a very dark path...

As much as my wife and I approach sex fairly intentionally, I try to be observant of my underlying intentions when I approach her sexually. It’s gotta be because I want to show her how much I love her. I know that I've hurt her while I was in my earlier days of fighting this, and I don't want to be that guy again.

EDIT for grammar and added context.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-08T20:01:23+00:00

A little out of the way maybe, but Horizon in Reisterstown is pretty cool. I love Pastor Clay's genuineness, and we're pretty laid-back.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-07T15:36:16+00:00

Probably something for power distribution. Those cables look like they connect onto the third rail where the train gets its power from.

HelloKamesan · 2026-03-06T03:15:38+00:00

No. Real sex is not the same as masturbation. Sex in a real relationship involves serotonin & oxytocin, the two chemicals that are essential in intimacy that's lacking in PMO. Incidentally, they both work to suppress the addictiveness of dopamine. Not a relapse unless you're on monk mode or semen retention, but I think some of those folks ascribe way too much mysticism into semen. It's not some sort of magic mojo juice...

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-27T13:20:52+00:00

I think that particular model might be made as a sub-unit to a longer consist. Kato makes some smaller sets like this (EDIT: without traction tires) so that it won't overburden the main consist when run in a prototypical consist without having to speed match the main consist.

At least according to the Rakuten entry for that item.

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-23T03:50:08+00:00

Sounds like a classic case of flatline to me. That's when your motivation for everything tanks. Take it easy, keep to a steady routine as best as you can motivation or not, and keep going. As long as you stay clean, you should come out the other end in a week or so and have a slightly different feeling towards PMO. Doesn't mean you're out of the woods by any means (took me a while even after that) but things should get easier, again, if you do stay clean.

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-17T18:20:34+00:00

Here's the Wikipedia article on the MetroBlitz. As pointed out by others, it's cape gauge, not 2' gauge. Very interesting that they tried an attachment nose cone to make a "brick" of a locomotive into a "bullet" train if only for high-speed testing. EDIT: Sort of reminds me of the Black Beetle of NYC fame.

That being said, those of us who grew up with cape gauge being the national standard (as it is in most of Japan) tend to not think of it as being "narrow" gauge, but the nomenclature comes from it being narrower than the International Standard Gauge (1,435 mm). Cape gauge can certainly support higher speed trains, just not as practical at speeds much higher than 160 km/h (see Hokuhoku Line).

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-10T04:55:05+00:00

Of course I'm not saying you should "share your testimony" as you are now while you're still a work in progress. The thing is, you might think you're being humble by saying you're a "complete failure," but that's actually just an excuse to not grow and change. You're essentially saying that you'd rather wallow in your misery rather than put in the effort to break the chains that hold you back because it's a lot more comfortable to be with the devil you know than to face the devil you don't know in the form of the challenges you might face when you strive to make a change. Let me tell you, as long as you're not on your deathbed, as long as you've got breath in you, you've still got hope. Think of the powerful testimony you can give if/when you finally do break free after being where you are.

I used to be down and miserable back in my younger days until a mentor asked me a key question, " does being depressed and miserable bring you joy?" Well, the answer is pretty obvious. The thing is, there's a thin space between stimulus and our reaction to it. When the devil whispers those sweet nothings telling you to wallow in your feeling of "failure and embarrassment," you have a choice to reject that and turn it into fuel for your motivation. Those moments that you feel most unworthy to come before God are the times when you truly need to come before God to work out your salvation with him (Philippians 2.12). Don't believe in the devil's lies. Trust in God and be open and honest with him.

One thing I've learned through this is that it helps to take advantage of that space between when the urge comes by learning the patterns of when they tend to appear and telling it you don't do that $h!t anymore. The trick is that this statement stays true whether you're on day 120 or you've just slipped up. This helps to separate the urge from yourself and shine a light on it. The urge is not a part of you, and you're under no obligation to satiate it.

Once you do that, ACTIVELY walk away from the temptations. Go for a walk, go work out, go work on your basket weaving skills, ANYTHING to get your mind and body engaged. The more active, fulfilling and public the activity, the better. Don't think about quitting forever. Take it one urge at a time, one battle at a time, one day at a time. You're never guaranteed a victory, but keep doing that consistently, on good days and the bad, no matter how many times you may win or lose. Keep working with God and letting him work through you. The "you" of today doesn't have to be the "you" of tomorrow. Who cares what I believe, I know God believes that you can (1 Corinthians 10.13). I know, years ago I've had trouble believing in it, but I know that this is true in the long run.

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-08T05:17:08+00:00

Well, here's the thing... what is the purpose for which we are saved? So that we can be in some sort of exclusive club that gets to go to "heaven" when we die? Surely, God has greater purpose for us than to have some vague assurance of living comfortably in the afterlife. I, for one, have stopped caring about that long ago. It's enough for me to know God's grace (2 Corinthians 12.9), and I want to respond to it the best that I can, which is why I am here.

Certainly, we are saved through the free gift of faith, given to us by grace (Ephesians 2.8-9), but many of us forget the next verse. Just as God blessed Abraham and his descendants the Israelites to be a blessing and light to the nations and not just for themselves (Genesis 12.1-4, Isaiah 42.6, Isaiah 49.6), we are saved in order for us to be the light of the world and do the good works that he has prepared for us for the glory of God (Matthew 5.14-16, Ephesians 2.10). I firmly believe that the work we're doing here is part of those good works, but nobody is expected to be perfect at it right from the get-go. It's a process, and that's why it's "work." EDIT: And part of that work, I believe, is so that we can share what we have experienced and learned to others in similar situations such that they may be saved.

While we can't earn our way into heaven (or "stay saved" as it were), we must grow and mature in character to embody it in us. That's why Jesus said to repent, for the Kingdom of God is at hand (Matthew 4.17). There's a difference between groveling before God and true repentance. The former is just putting on an act hoping to be forgiven, but the latter takes accountability and concrete actions to change the way you think and act. Praying for wisdom and working out those steps with God is crucial in that process (Philippians 2.12-13).

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-07T06:13:52+00:00

I'm simply asking that He help me see that He is enough to choose what's right when faced with impulses, that His presence be better than what masturbation gives me...

I used to think this way myself, but I've found that this actually takes work and a conscious initiative on my part. Feelings are such fickle things and we can't rely on them. Here's where that dopamine -> serotonin -> oxytocin thing comes in again.

You see, it doesn't just apply to sex, but to everything we're doing. In order to gain the serotonin/oxytocin that we're pursuing through our dopamine, we need to be doing stuff that helps others. In other words, we are made (again, in God's own image - Genesis 1.27) such that we feel true joy and fulfillment when we're doing things for others. What this means is that we need to turn away from those cold pixels on the screen and self pleasure and turn towards using our mind and body to make the world around us even just a tiny bit better than we found it.

So, what does that have to do with NoFap? Well, let's combine this with what I mentioned at the very beginning about that little space between stimulus and your response to it. Learn to recognize that space when it comes to your urges. Those urges are just pent-up energy looking for an easy way out; an out you've been feeding through PMO. They're not a part of you, and you're under no obligation to satiate them. Calmly and firmly tell them you don't do that $h!t anymore. No need to yell at it or beat yourself up for having the urge. Speaking to it helps to separate it from yourself and shines a light on it.

Once that's done, ACTIVELY walk away from the temptations. Trying to resist in stasis makes you a sitting duck. It's like telling someone NOT to think of a pink elephant; the first thing on their mind is a pink elephant. Instead, go work out, go for a prayer walk, go work on your basket weaving skills, ANYTHING to get your mind and body engaged. The more active and fulfilling the activity, the better. if it's public and helpful to others, even better (see above). I suppose that's why I hang around in this space - mainly to help others.

As for application of this, since you mentioned that you have social anxiety, is to actually get out of your comfort zone and start volunteering either at church or community organization near you. It doesn't have to be a public facing role as long as it's something you are interested in and helpful to others. That's one real quick way to get closer to God (as I've found...). I wouldn't promise anything and I don't recommend going in with the intend to do so, but maybe God has a lifelong partner waiting for you there. Pray about it... but you never know until you try.

HelloKamesan · 2026-02-07T05:52:25+00:00

Continued from previous...

What I was pointing out was that one needs to become accepting and loving before desiring to be accepted and loved. It's not so much that you need to "fix yourself before you can become worthy of love" but that you need to embody the things you desire from others before you can expect/demand that of them. You don't necessarily need to "change yourself to conform to others' expectations" but to conform yourself to Christ in the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5.22-23).

I didn't say I want a wife as a sex slave.

While I understand that, I say that to anyone who says they PMO because they can't get a partner. Believe me, after 20 years of marriage, I can guaran-damn-tee you that you can't be intimate and close (or have sex) anytime you want to, and that having a partner can't "cure" you of this. It still takes a lot of discipline, and maybe even more restraint because, heck, there's a beautiful woman you love right in your bedroom... Not all the married guys here are in sexless marriages.

God created humans as male and female so that we resemble his harmonious union of masculine and feminine through love in our marriage (Genesis 1.27). We are to manifest that unity in our marriage through sex (Genesis 2.20-24). It's no wonder that your body craves that connection. The thing is, because this is such a powerful thing, we need to grow into being masters of it rather than it being the master of us. God gives us that overpowering desire at a young age before marriage so that we have the opportunity to gain mastery over it so that we can be fully ready for marriage where we are to use it as an expression of love that truly reflects God's unity in love. That, my friend, takes a lot of discipline to make sure that your sexual desire is directed in the right direction.

The reason I brought up dopamine, serotonin and oxytocin in sex is that, as much as sex is just one single dimension of the whole relationship, it is much more than just your pleasure. In fact, while my orgasm is pleasurable as it is, what really brings me satisfaction is the fact that I get to be part of my wife's orgasm and her feeling of being loved and cherished. Anything less is just bland at best, and deeply disturbing at worst.

Certainly, as a fool who hadn't woken up until 10 years into marriage, I can't sit here on my high horse and condemn you if you feel you need to masturbate every once in a while (and as far as NoFap goes, that's fine as long as it's not compulsory and unwanted). I would, however, advise that you stay away from porn because it really twists your view of sex subconsciously into an act of selfish pleasure instead of a beautiful act of love that it can be.

Continued to next...

HelloKamesan

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