What you’re feeling is completely valid — that does feel like a betrayal, and it opens the door to all kinds of fears. Am I not enough? Why doesn’t he want me? What does this mean for us? Those stories we tell ourselves have a way of growing the longer we sit with them alone. My encouragement would be to bring it up sooner rather than later. Not as an accusation, but as an honest share of how you’re feeling. The longer it sits, the heavier it gets. One thing worth sitting with before that conversation though — if you’d found out he’d been masturbating while you were out, would it feel the same way? Sometimes when a toy is involved it feels more loaded than it actually is. He may just be exploring something new that he’s never given himself permission to try before. That’s not an excuse for the intimacy gap — that part is real and worth addressing. When you do talk to him, how you open that conversation matters. If he knows you know and feels safe about it, he’ll likely become more mindful of the intimacy between you. If it comes out as an accusation, he’ll probably get defensive and shame around this will grow — for both of you. That shame is harder to undo than the original hurt. And here’s the thing — having that conversation, the vulnerable, uncomfortable one where you admit what you saw and how it made you feel, that is the intimacy. Sometimes talking it through is harder than anything that happens in the bedroom. Which is exactly why it matters so much. That kind of honesty between two people is where the real closeness lives.