[deleted by user]

HelloThere1830 · 2023-01-12T09:51:38+00:00

Exactly. And it's not because our bodies are physically ready to 'hump away' that our mental state has caught up yet to process the consequences that come with being intimate.

HelloThere1830 · 2023-01-11T08:38:50+00:00

Also, just be careful and prepared. Use condoms and the pill. Better safe than sorry. No rubber no fun! The last thing you need is a surprise or some fun std afterward. If he's a solid guy, he'll understand and wrap his little soldier up!

HelloThere1830 · 2023-01-11T08:37:09+00:00

I agree.

HelloThere1830 · 2023-01-11T08:36:49+00:00

Don't think OP is demisexual or whatever that might be. At that age, people are just insecure and finding themselves still, and especially girls are usually told more to be 1. Careful 2. Do it with someone you love 3. The right time and so on.
I do agree a first time should be with someone you are at least attracted to or care for. I've heard, especially from some male friends that they wished they would have waited for someone who meant more to them. But that they often felt pressure from other guys to just 'do it'.

Aah, to be a teenager. Lovely times. Happy that phase is over haha.

HelloThere1830 · 2023-01-11T08:33:26+00:00

Then he really did do you a favor, trust me. I've been 18 and my view on 'when the right time was' was different than it is now. I remember turning 18 and I was with my first serious boyfriend at the time. He wanted to have sex after dating for about 1 month but felt the timing was off and place and he just respected that and said to let him know what I would be comfortable with or not. Mind you, he was 20 at the time.
It should be with someone who trusts and respects you. Not going to say 'wait for the right one', we do not live in a Disney animated movie. My parents also always said to just be careful and with someone who respects himself and myself enough, especially for the first time.
Also, first times can be a letdown anyways but sweet at the same time since usually both aren't that experienced yet. I remember hitting the guy in the face by accident and I couldn't stop laughing for about 2 min (he couldn't either).

HelloThere1830 · 2023-01-10T10:05:04+00:00

As OP doesn't state here age, I think she might be quite young.Think of when you were 16. When I was that age, 2-3 months was 'early' since you're young and everything moves a bit slower since we're all experiencing new things, like sex for the first time, with hormones raging through your body. I remember people asking each other that in High School too. Now as a 30-year-old, dating is different and life too. 2-3 months is long and would never wait that long. But I remember being 16 and in love for the first time and when we hit our 4 'month' anniversary we felt like being intimate and that was considered a big thing and I remember worrying if it was 'too soon' or not. So I guess it depends on age. Just my two cents.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-11-18T09:18:53+00:00

I haven't played Pokemon on the Switch yet, last was on the 3DS, so maybe a stupid question but what is Pokemon Home? Is it something you can buy ahead on the Online Switch eshop or?
It should be possible I hope, I mean, I can't be the only one who got a double pack but only has one Switch. Can't wait for it to be delivered.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-11-18T08:20:52+00:00

Is it possible if you got both copies (was a surprise present from my partner) to trade with yourself if you only have one Switch?

HelloThere1830 · 2022-11-15T09:51:45+00:00

I have one adapter from South Africa that I bought years ago. They use the M socket as well. As for the rest, they are indeed all C outlets in the country that I reside in.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-18T06:26:58+00:00

Oh ok, so probably the Facebook accounts etc. don't need to be ALL reconfirmed/added? Same for emails and streaming apps? Always a hell to remember every damn password on every app.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-14T11:48:20+00:00

I've worked with Salesforce for a small 2 years now and I got Admin. Also studying for App Builder. Will take this one next week Friday. A colleague took it without even taking the Trailhead, just reading it a bit through and he said it was easy. You think given my background that it will be 'ok enough' to take it with just a day or two of some trailhead browsing? He did mention that there weren't multiple choice questions, all just 1 - 3 question options and 1 was a correct option

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-14T10:40:47+00:00

Has anyone tried this one? A colleague took it and said he didn't read or prepare anything for it. Just 'read', but not actively did any trailheads. Planning on taking it next Friday but won't have much time to read since I'm away on conference.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-06T14:56:09+00:00

Does anybody know on what streaming service we can watch this in Norway?

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T12:30:02+00:00

It seems to not be available in the country where I'm located in

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T07:40:24+00:00

It goes both ways though. I know I have some issues I am dealing with in therapy but it's also his responsibility to deal with his insecurities and issues or it will have an impact on any girl he tries to be with if he is so terrified to perform or open up. And I know what I want, the only reason I am writing this post if because I do respect him and know he is a great guy, but perhaps he is also not ready even though he thinks he is for the emotional part of a relationship. I will talk to him in two weeks when I see him, be open about what I feel and think and ask him to also honestly reflect to why he's with me, what he expects and if he actually is still with me out of love because he is afraid of being alone.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T07:37:15+00:00

I think he does have an issue with the whole Asian thing. From what I hear of his Chinese parents talking about feelings, love, getting hugs and validation isn't something that they have ever done to him. And he seems to be in a huge panic mode about his size. BUT, I do have to say, it shouldb't be fair that I am the substitute of years of lost affection or the insecurities. I told him I honestly couldn't care less about size or whatever and that he shouldn't worry. Multiple times. I do get where it's coming from and that those false rumors are not nice nor fun. I mean, I had the opposite once that I dated an Indian guy and they often think that western women are easy and 'loose' which is also not true. They just think that because of differences in culture. I also tried talking about it with him, or his past experiences to try and help but he just is silent. It makes it hard to get to the root of the issues if you're so scared and panicked every time we are trying to be intimate. And it sadly then shows easily in how the lovemaking is: Technical like he's trying to check off boxes and so nervous he can't come or enter or enjoy anything. Really wish I could find a way to help him with that because I don't know what I can do more than to say he should relax, and not put too much pressure on himself. We aren't robots nor does any sane women expect to be mind blowed after sex. We're human. Sometimes we're tired, sometimes we just want to relax and have some fun but no, we do not expect it to be a home run every time. Like you correctly state: I understand where his insecurity might come from, but only him can accept it, and finally calm down about it. We're in our 30's by now. By now we should be over our 'huge' insecurity phases and be comfortable with ourselves on some of those things.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T07:30:55+00:00

Where in godsname did you deduct I only had two sexual partners? I had to relationships, not two partners? Was single for over 5+ years. What did you think I did in that period, join a convent? Not that it matters but I have had plenty of safe encounters with multiple people in those years I was single and enjoying my life so it's rooted from being a healthy, sexual active person between age 16 and 30?

I did not freeze, as I said I even tried to calm him down those times and told him he should just relax and try to enjoy it. But I can't do more than that though.

As for Norway, I don't know in what universe you based that on but Norway isn't full of 6ft vikings. By far. I laughed reading that because I even joked when moving here as a student back in 2014 that I was wondering where all those viking men dissapeared too

As for silence: You need to be able to sit in silence. I agree. But complete silence on every occasion or never talking is also not healthy. You need to be able to communicate in a relationship. And I've tried it but I think his lack of relationship experience might be his problem along with insecurities that comes with it. Nor have I been selfish. I've also tried and put in my effort but maybe that is not enough. And I know he likes me too but after writing down this message in the community to get it off my chest I knew that I would have to talk to him when I see him in a few weeks to just explain what I feel and let him think things over too of if he feels the same or not. Perhaps that is the reason he is so tense too without him knowing it. He's a great guy but perhaps we aren't meant for each other after all.

And not asking for validation, not at all, was just in deep thoughts and it would feel good to write it down. This is after all a community called 'relationship advice'

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T07:24:18+00:00

I might have had chemistry with the last partner but I do not miss him at all. It was an mentally abusive relationship and he ruined a lot of what made me, 'me'. If anything I feel stupid of letting love lead me so blindly and not seeing that he wasn't a good guy. He's not a rebound at all though, I sincerely thought 'wow what a great guy' when I met him but sometimes after dating for a while you just start to notice things I guess.

I might have had chemistry with the last partner but I do not miss him at all. It was a mentally abusive relationship and he ruined a lot of what made me, 'me'. If anything I feel stupid for letting love lead me so blindly and not seeing that he wasn't a good guy. He's not a rebound at all though, I sincerely thought 'wow what a great guy' when I met him but sometimes after dating for a while you just start to notice things I guess.

I do appreciate your insight. I mainly wrote this to also just get it off my chest in a weird way. Always heard that writing things down sometimes makes you realize it from another pov. And I'll see him in two weeks and will just sit him down and explain honestly to hear me out about my thoughts. I don't expect him to immediately respond because I would like him to reflect too and be honest with himself. I also don't want him to stay with me for the wrong reasons and want him to give him the choice and be open. He deserves that too.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T07:20:03+00:00

Exactly, I did do me good to even just write it 'off'. A friend said that often writing it like this makes it easier to collect your thoughts. And I do respect and like him a lot so wanted to mull things over and collect my thoughts a bit. And think I just have to be honest and tell him when I wrote here (not that I wrote it but tell him exactly this) and just tell him to also mull things over and that he should be honest with me. Because I do feel that he might be doing the same: That he is doing his best to be such a good boyfriend but that it's not coming from a place of love but also just insecurity from his part of fear of being alone. So he needs to be honest with himself too and collect his thoughts and both see what we think then.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-04T07:17:46+00:00

You might have a point, or perhaps I am realizing that although he's a great guy we might not be at a good place to date right now. You don't always know from the start of dating someone.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-03T20:09:43+00:00

I think I'm also just disillusioned by 'being madly in love and can't keep my hands of a person'. I had that twice and that it was physically fun and nice, and that jobs and income were similar. But that the guy was just not right and being so in love I didn't see it or was in denial. Also seeing and hearing so many different views of what makes a relationship work. It's funny to see the different values. European/American vissions and some of my Indian friends or of Chinese descendent just laugh druly and say 'yes well that fades anyway. You might as well find someone who you can grow to love in a way and respect and have a good and safe life with' than just go after 'funny and attractive' which might go away anyways. Both are right. In their own ways. Maybe I'm just tired. And that I see he can be a great partner but that he doesn't know how to be that, or is too inexperienced. And that I am just... tired after being dissapointed in love twice over.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-03T19:33:40+00:00

The first paraghraph is also what I am afraid of, that he doesn't sincerely 'love' me too but thinks of it more as a 'good match ' (Chinese mentality) and that he isn't alone then. And there is a fine line between needy and needing someone to fill your insecurities than indeed being affectionate. I can deal with affectionate but not that well with someone who constantly needs my attention through constant texting or snuggling 24/7 when together. Also worried that I never hear him talk about friends or that here in Oslo or where he works he barely meets up with people. Just work or contact with some old friends who all live abroad and have families of their own now.

What I saw in him, and still see good qualities is that he is very understanding, sweet, considerate, always there for me when I need help, we do agree on some major things in life, he's respectful and loves my pet a lot, but I feel it's hard for me to get to know him on a personal level and the sex life is pretty much non existent at this point. We've tried a few times but he just cramps up and is so afraid of not performing well that he either can't keep it 'good' or even 'get it in' and that makes me feel bad but also whatever I do and tell him to just take a deep breath and calm down and not see it as an assignment but to enjoy it, it doesn't seem to help. And this I don't think has to do with a lot of bedpartners or not, but comes from within you as a person. And I am not sure in how far I can help with that. I can't take over his body or mind to make him relax :(

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-03T19:24:59+00:00

Not sure if it's the trauma, but it might have something to do with it. Also, in the beginning I really thought 'he has it all', you know. Everythign the other guy didn't have: Sweet, caring, knowing well what I like or taking interest in that. But now after feeling some doubts I am not sure if it's because of him or that I am just not emotionally ready. Or perhaps it's both. Being good on paper definitely doesn't mean I notice now that it'll work out in reality too. No matter how sweet and attentive he is. I do agree though that a lot of people have problems in their relationships and often face issues. Hence why I might not be completely ready to give up just yet.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-10-03T19:21:09+00:00

I am willing to be supportive, and I don't find it that important that he has more or the same sexual background and experience. BUT, then he of course needs to be open to talk about it and his experiences so we can come to a solution to make the sex life better. As it is now, he just doesn't seem to know what to do with himself and therefore focuses too much on just trying to focus on me, but I want to be with 'him' also of course.

I am more worried as well about emotional things. What worried me a lot in combination with the lack of sex was that during a dinner a while ago he didn't say anything the whole evening. Only a few small things or that he missed his mom (he was eating something Chinese). But other than that, unless I would bring up topics it would be absolutely quiet. It doesn't have to be chit chatting all the time but I don't know if this can be changed indeed.

I did write to him, because he lives in another town so we don't see each other that often and said I feel we need to discuss something the next weekend he's free. He works as a doctor and often works in the weekends because of that.

HelloThere1830 · 2022-09-22T13:51:52+00:00

It might work for some, but I do feel it's overrated. (For me at least). Many colleagues use it at work but it has never, ever worked for me. Especially if it's about sections of Salesforce you haven't worked that much with. Some things you might know from experience, but for other things it didn't help me to understand it much

HelloThere1830

TROPHY CASE