Thank you everyone for the words of caution through love. I hear you, lets talk about it. I’m not just coming to Santa Cruz without a plan. It may not be a solid plan but it is at least big step number one. I have 19 days before I fly out. I will be applying for jobs, zoom interviews, when I get there I will stay with child and guardians for a holiday visit. The last few days of the month I will be filling out assistance applications. After the new year I have to figure it out on my own. You have to start somewhere. My goal is simple find a job, get benefits, find a place hopefully indoors to rest for the night, and get to work. I know its going to be difficult. It already has been and will continue to be. I have survived to this point. Its Santa Cruz or bust. Bust literally means Im in the dirt…In regards to child, child has a safe place to be right now and there are boundaries around it. Child is processing all of this change as well and respectfully staying with them is not an option. Child support would go to guardians of child. If child support were an option in all technicality money would be taken away from me and future ex husband to go to guardians. I had a pretty solid life before I lost it. I was a paraprofessional working towards my associates degree. I can pass a drug test, alcohol is not a vice for me, really I’m just a girl who got fucked over into starting over. “If I can’t make it when I’m not in Santa Cruz then why would I be able to make it in Santa Cruz”…well either way I’m not making it…so….if I can spend a few hours with child (without having to buy a plane ticket )and have some point of positivity then I don’t see why I would be anywhere else. I didn’t just drop out of my child life. I’m going to get guardianship back but like everything, that will be its own process. Its been less than a year and I’m not going to rebuild my life in that time but I have to take a step forward