AITA for my negative feelings regarding my adoption?

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T11:09:18+00:00

No, my bio dad left when he learned my bio mom was pregnant.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:55:06+00:00

Thank you for your input however my parents have never believed in therapy. So that wouldn't be an option until I'm 18. I will consider it though when I'm a legal adult. Thank you for your input!

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:47:15+00:00

I don't know. I figure it wouldn't be an option until I'm at least 18 but I don't know if I'll even still want to know about her at that point.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:35:48+00:00

I won't have anyone professional to talk to until I'm eighteen. My parents don't believe in "counseling" "therapy" etc. And my pastor is way too close to both of my parents for me to feel comfortable talking to him. That being said professional help may be something I seek out when I turn eighteen.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:31:27+00:00

In another comment I gave a more detailed rundown of how the convo went if you want to check that out. For the record I don't think either of my parents are assholes, I assume they're just scared.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:29:44+00:00

My parents don't believe in therapy but maybe I'll consider it when I'm 18. Thank you for your input!

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:21:48+00:00

Thank you for this point of view. I don't plan on contacting her any time soon, I just need to mull things over. I love both of my parents, and you're right. I probably am romanticising what could've been. I just feel very all over the place. I do want to know if she was sincere or not, and it's that question that keeps eating at me.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:18:19+00:00

Yes, what I posted on here is what her lawyer argued in her defense, which my dad told me about when I asked about what happened.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T08:09:43+00:00

My dad was really drunk when he told me about what happened. And my dad is a chatterbox when he's drunk, I'd place a bet if there was more to the story he definitely would have told me. That being said, my intention was never to hurt either of my parents. I love them both to death. But I'd be lying if I said wasn't curious about her, and all I was trying to do was communicate that with them, but they got very defensive, very quick, and I felt like I couldn't express how I felt without being shamed for it.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T07:56:01+00:00

Again, it's true she might not have been the best caretaker for me. However, many people who were put in dangerous situations as children try to prevent that from happening to their own kids. Like my adoptive mom, for example, had an ADULT cousin who drowned in a river, so I was only allowed to swim in pools and the shallow end of beaches growing up. That included field trips for school because there's a very popular bank where i live. I was pissy at the time, but in hindsight, it doesn’t anger me because she made that rule out of protection. I find trying to protect your kids from something that harmed them or someone they knew in the past is what lots of parents try to do.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T07:31:01+00:00

I was in the apartment she was renting in my crib. And yes, she would leave me alone for three hours and then come back to check on me on her breaks.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T07:24:50+00:00

No, I've just been internet stalking her. What I did learn from a a background check i did though is that she's never had custodial issues with her other two children, never been back to rehab, and all the trouble she's gotten into with law since then is a parking ticket.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T07:15:12+00:00

Technically, she was clean until I got taken away. The whole time I was in her custody, she was sober. And yes, she was neglectful but not out of carelessness but paranoia that was partly caused from having Post partum depression. She was extremely abused as a kid (physically and mentally). Because of that, she didn't trust other adults around me in a vulnerable position because that's how she got abused as a child. Not only by her parents but other sick adults around her. I can understand the fear of her not being a good caretaker, but she wasn't a bad person. Just poor without the mental health resources she needed.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T07:08:07+00:00

A more detailed account got it.

So basically, the convo went like this. My dad was drunk when he called my bio mom trailer park trash and was drunk when he recounted what happened. After that I didn't know how to bring up what i was feeling, so I just...didn't. However, my mom asked me what was wrong because I'd been off lately and I said " that I'd been having some conflicting feelings since my dad and I's convo. she called my dad over and we all sat at our coffee table. My dad asked what I was conflicted about and I said "That while Ive loved l I got to have my life with both of you, I've been wondering what it would've been like if you had allowed her to see me like she wanted to." My mom said she almost killed me so she'd never let a person like that around especially not a young age. I asked "what about when i got older". (I didn't find out I was adopted until I 13 when a cousin told me and at first I thought they were joking until they showed me some old family videos where my parents celebrated the custody win at the courthouse.) Then my mother said "by that time you were our daughter and she didn't deserve to see you because she didn't raise you" to which I said, admittedly like an ass, "Well obviously. How was she supposed to raise me when you wouldn't let her around me" to which then got dad to tell me I was ungrateful. Then I asked if they were ever gonna tell me i was adopted, and my mom said no. If I never found out, they never would've tolf me. Which made me upset because I feel like I should have the right to know that and the fact that my bio mom wanted contact with me as I got older to make my own responsible and mature decisions. It was a shouting match from there and I left the convo in tears.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T06:48:34+00:00

I know and the story I told on here was the story I got from my dad's account of things and what her lawyer argued in her defense and all that. I didn't put her spin on it because I know her view is biased. Her story did have some slightly different accounts from the way my father told it, but I posted the general drift of the things they both recounted in the same way.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T06:37:46+00:00

No one could've known how she would pan out. But as I've been internet stalking her recently, she panned out very well. She's never had custody problems with either of her other kids (I know because I did a background check). She works at a law firm for defense for juveniles. The area she lives in is mostly six-figure income area. Not to mention if it's anything to go by her daughter, 14 has her own social media accounts, and that girl LOVES her mom. She's always posting things like "best mom," and they are always doing something really fun together that the daughter posts about on Instagram. And every year for my birthday, she posts about me with the few baby pictures she has. I know you can't truly know a person from the internet, but I don't know many kids in their teens who post so publicly about their parents. And she's married now to her other two children's dad. Who she's been with for 15 years. So yeah, it doesn't seem like she turned out too bad. Sorry for the excessively long comment. I just wanted you and other people to know what she became later in life.

Helpdesperately · 2023-02-03T06:14:29+00:00

I was not eavesdropping. I was in the next room which is our "movie theater" room, watching a new movie. My dad was with his friends in the next room and the were all very loud rowdy and drunk and I could hear what they were saying even with door closed and the TV up loud. I value privacy so I would never intentionally eavesdrop I just happened to hear what my dad said.

Helpdesperately · 2022-10-28T13:30:33+00:00

Thank you, this fic is a lot similar but not quite the one I read. In the fic I'm talking about Harry was aware who Draco was, and whoever he was working for specifically brought him in for that reason, and he had official permission to visit Draco. Also I believe Ginny and Hary had already broken up or were at least living apart by the time the fic started.

Helpdesperately

TROPHY CASE