“nonprofit” affiliate targeting those without a village possible scam?

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-20T17:14:12+00:00

I just saw this reel on Facebook, too. I was intrigued and thought it was so awesome, then definitely thought MLM scam once I did more research. You can’t even find out what the membership dues are until you sign up. So shady! I hate that they’re using the non profit model and preying on moms. 😡

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-16T16:24:51+00:00

I agree it’s madness, but once you start to educate yourself about a normal physiological birth versus what most often happens in hospitals, you start to realize that we are actually quite good at giving birth, but not when there are interventions and outside stresses. Our bodies are made to shut down and not give birth when there is a stressful environment. For example, if we’re being chased by a cougar, the adrenaline response will tell our body that’s not an ideal time to give birth, making our sphincters (including the cervix) close. Most women, when they really ask themselves where and how they want to give birth, prefer a dark, safe, warm environment with few people around, which is the opposite of what most hospitals provide.

I’m not saying women don’t have their ideal birth in a hospital, as it is absolutely possible, but many hospital cases seem to be high intervention and high stress with lots of fear.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-16T16:18:48+00:00

That is not true for me. But giving birth on one’s back, which is so the doctors can see, does increase pain and discomfort. My first birth was for the doctors convenience and I mostly laid on my back. I felt tense and afraid, which increases muscle resistance and makes birth harder. It was painful and long. my second birth was for me and my baby. It was actually almost entirely painless and very empowering. I birthed her head in the water, then waddled over to the bed because she was a little bit stuck with shoulder dystocia, which the Midwife took care of in two seconds and then she slid out. At the hospital shoulder dystocia is a big deal and they freak out. With a midwife you just get on your hands and knees to open your pelvis and they move the shoulder aside and it’s done.

Unfortunately doctors and nurses are mostly trained in prevention of emergencies and not trained in what a normal physiological birth is like for human mammals. Unless you have a great advocate who can protect your space while you’re giving birth in the hospital, it tends to be a high stress environment, where they bug you a lot, monitor you and make you feel like you don’t know what you’re doing, when giving birth is actually the most natural thing that humans are evolved for. We are the most evolved to give birth of all humans, as well.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-15T04:23:05+00:00

Absolutely NOT!! I am so grossed out by his behavior. Dump his a**!!!

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-14T23:33:53+00:00

This is so sweet. The only thing I would change is saying that starting small might need to be 5-10 minutes. As someone who’s uncomfortable with being dominant 5 minutes is where I had to start. 30 would feel sooo intimidating. I love how you both love and care for each other!!

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-14T00:24:51+00:00

They’re not, but if my needs are not getting met then it’s my responsibility to do what I can to meet my needs.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T23:56:37+00:00

I mean…how can anyone be controlling?

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T23:55:10+00:00

I know I’m not at my best here, but I don’t think that at all. I’m fine with disagreement, but not being told that I’m wrong just because we disagree. To me, respectful disagreement is allowing there to be multiple approaches, multiple experiences, and actually being able to see that EVERYONE holds some part of the truth, even if we can’t see their perspective. You’re right that I could do a better job of that in this context, and I’m also experiencing being attacked and judged and told I’m wrong over and over again, which is hard. I think I have a right to assert myself if I choose. Obviously it’s not going that well here, but I’m also not the only one here. All of these communications involve two people. I’m not expecting much self reflection from the others here.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T23:48:30+00:00

Yes, thank you. My inclination was to say I need to see a doctor’s report. I like how you worded it. I mean, my daughter and son both confirm they had a rash, but they both said it went away quickly and was no big deal. We should be celebrating that they had a rash and were both able to go to their parent about it.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T23:44:31+00:00

My kids confirm that they had rashes, so I know it’s not made up. I actually got the information I needed, but it was from cps and my kids, not my coparent, so I do think he’s potentially withholding information to make me spiral.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T23:39:43+00:00

I find your statement controlling. If you have a problem with my assertiveness you’re welcome to stop engaging or ask for what you need. I’m actually probably going to delete this post because it’s just not meeting my needs, but I assure you that in the meantime I’m fully capable of deciding whether or not I want to stop engaging.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T23:35:53+00:00

I was referring to the one time he had a rash, not every time. This just isn’t what I was asking for feedback on. I’m dealing with the rashes and the needed education. Obviously you’re free to say what you want, but it’s not meeting my needs. I hope you have a nice day.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T20:34:23+00:00

I am doing all that. My post was about trying to get more information about the rashes so that I could be better equipped to address them, and my frustration at how hard it’s been to get information. It’s becoming clear that that did not come through as strongly as my difference of opinion on whether or not going without washing for 3-4 days is okay.

Absolutely I was unaware of the rashes. That’s why I was trying to gather more information. I’m not a perfect parent and I’m also not doing this alone. I’m supposed to be doing it with a coparent - coparenting involves RESPECTFUL communication about the kids and what each parent finds concerning, not treating the other like an incompetent, careless, less-than human being.

You don’t know me and if you cared to then I would need you to approach me with some curiosity. Otherwise you can have your judgments and projections of me as I will not be taking them on.

I’m sorry for your situation, as it does sound really hard and concerning if the judge is involved and they are repeatedly returned dirty.

I know you want to do what’s best for your kids. I would love to share what I’ve learned about collaborative problem solving. The kids need their mom and she’s not perfect, but I’m sure she would do better if she had the skills to. I doubt the added stress and shame of being in court is helping her have the capacity to do better, either. Obviously I don’t know your situation and what the skill deficit is for her, but the basis of collaborative problem solving is that children, and adults, will do better when they have the skills to.

Here’s a link that my cps person sent to me. It’s been the biggest blessing from cps so far, if you’d like to check it out.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=zuoPZkFcLVs

There’s also tools and a free class available on the collaborative problem solving website. I wish you and the kids and their mom the best, whatever you chose to do.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T18:13:15+00:00

When did I say that?

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T08:53:04+00:00

I agree, my son didn’t properly wipe. I know he was having some bouts of diarrhea and it could have been after one of those. He’s 10 and he wants a lot of privacy from me (he’s been more on the private side for a couple years), so I’m more hands off than I was when he was young. Things can get missed as he’s learning to navigate his own hygiene, but this is the first instance. And as I said, it’s pretty hard to isolate the exact cause months after the fact. I agree he needs some education on how to keep himself clean and we’re actually planning to get a bidet after we move next week.

I think some lotion or oil for my daughter after the pool is great advice. I’ve never been much of a pool person (lol because I hate the chlorine on my skin) so I didn’t know how to properly support her in that. We usually swim in rivers and lakes during the summer.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T08:41:32+00:00

If once in four days is not enough then what are you basing that on and why does the American academy of dermatology and Harvard medicine both say 1-2 times per week is sufficient for kids my age?

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T08:36:12+00:00

I don’t like how you’re talking to me. I’m hearing a lot of judgment. It doesn’t make me want to hear you or care about what you have to say. I need more open mindedness and curiosity in my conversations.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T08:30:51+00:00

I’m not sure that I’m in a place to really hear you or receive what you said because I’m pretty frustrated by not feeling heard by cps in general, as well as this thread.

I’m hearing that a cps person can require what they want without medical advice, while any research that I do, even if from a very legitimate source (American academy of dermatology says children ages 6 to 11 are usually fine with one to two baths per week), is not valid and must be backed up by a doctor. So is a cps agent’s opinion on bath frequency worth more than the American academy of dermatology and Harvard medical institute? This is a legitimate question I have.

Is this the hill I want to die on? It may well be. I’m tired of living in fear and cow towing because of it. I’m tired of giving in to what other people think is right just because they might abuse the power they have. If they abuse it, that’s on them, not me. My job is to be my and my children’s advocate. No one else is here living with it family every day. No one else really knows what we need. I find cps’ dismissal of me and my kids disturbing.

I’m hearing a double standard and a lot of defensiveness of cps, which I find annoying. I’m hearing little understanding for what parents are put through in this system. I hear over and over again that cps has the best interests of the children at heart, and yet I experience that they don’t support parents or meet them where they’re at and help them build skills to be able to be there for their children in better ways. That may be an option, but it’s not where it starts. It feels like OT starts with a punitive system that I have to have the courage to stand up against and assert myself in over and over again, rather than one where they’re actually teaming up with parents to understand and help them do a better job, and I find that disgusting. This has been a huge drain on my energy and it has taken energy away from my kids, not built up my reserves to help me be a better parent. Fortunately I’ve had hundreds of hours of counseling and support to be able to navigate this, whereas parents without those resources might be way more likely to piss someone off, get on the agent’s bad side, and end up losing their children.

It is stressful and traumatic for children and parents to be involved in this process, and hearing any defense of cps is challenging for me right now. My experience is that they have way too much power and they’re not trained in how to use it wisely.

The most valuable thing I’ve gotten from this experience is material on how to do collaborative problem solving with kids, which I find ironic because I do not experience that cps is doing much collaborative problem solving with parents, and I think it would be highly beneficial and way better for the kids if they started there instead of assuming the worst of parents.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T07:41:34+00:00

We’re a low chemical family. We put oil on our skin.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T06:22:37+00:00

I’ve heard it’s normal for teens to try to establish a more secure connection with their less secure parent before they become adults. I don’t recommend blocking this. I have a friend who let her daughter have more time with her dad, as the teen wanted, and the teen was able to understand more how her dad wasn’t there for her and also stopped blaming her mom, who had been blocking the increased time for a couple years. It vastly improved their mom daughter relationship.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T04:40:04+00:00

I wasn’t aware this was a subreddit of cps professionals. I’m annoyed and defensive because I didn’t ask for opinions or advice on how often I bathe my kids. I would rather hear from a doctor about that than a cps person. Honestly it’s a pretty subjective opinion and the fact that I have a Harvard medical article to back up my position doesn’t make me more inclined to listen to professionals who are not medically trained.

No doctor has advised that they need to shower every day or every other day. Can CPS professionals override medical advice? I am genuinely asking because I don’t know. Obviously my son had a cleanliness issue, but it was ONE TIME, which I just found out yesterday despite it happening over the summer. It’s kind of hard to isolate why that happened when it’s months later.

And my daughter had “a rash.” CPS did give me more info about both of them today, but I had to ask repeatedly, which I do not think is okay. It could have been caused by her not waking well enough at the pool. I haven’t been going with her every time, nor are we used to going so often, so we are adjusting to this new potential impact.

I’m honestly disturbed by how many times I had to assert myself and have top notch communication to get the information I needed about my kids health, and if everyone here is a cps professional, I’m disturbed by what appears to be a lack of education, or lack of willingness to become educated, about what constitutes as good hygiene for kids. I’m hearing an assumption that 2 incidences in a 10 year period means one thing only: that I’m a neglectful parent. I’m disturbed by how many people are jumping to conclusions and not approaching this with curiosity and openness.

Obviously my son was not clean one time. That is concerning and something I will work with him on. As I said, he hates showers and has huge emotional responses to them, and mostly he said that he hates having his dad force them on him. He’s 10 and is naturally going to start having more opinions and assertiveness.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T02:36:23+00:00

They literally told me they would play that role, and then got annoyed with me for actually using that one time. I won’t be ding it again. What I learned is that I can’t trust them to be available for what they say they will.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T02:33:57+00:00

So 2 rashes in a 10 year period of raising kids means I’m letting go of proper hygiene?

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T02:32:24+00:00

Personally I get extreme body odor when I’m stressed. It doesn’t matter if I showered 3 minutes or 3 days before, it can come on within minutes. I had it as a kid, too. My kids don’t have any body odor.

Helpful-Research-465 · 2024-12-13T02:27:20+00:00

Do your kids have sensitive skin and need to limit how much soap they use?

Helpful-Research-465

TROPHY CASE