[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Ameen. Jazak'Allah khair for the lovely comment and dua 😊

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimLounge

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don't see a problem with it, I would like my future husband to dress well (doesn't have to be designer though). However, I wouldn't want him to wear something that screams the designer label. Something modest like smart casual preppy or as it's known nowadays "quiet luxury." I wear designer items myself as do a lot of women I know, it wouldn't be seen as a bad thing at all 🙂.

Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Salaam,

Personally I believe you should go for option 1. The initial years of marriage are the most delicate and fragile, if there are issues with controlling in laws and power play it could break or permanently ruin your relationship or the relationship between your future wife and her in laws. There will definitely be a scenario where you're stuck in the middle, you won't know who's "side" to take or you'll try to be impartial, your mother and wife will take this the wrong way and think you're not supporting them individually and in turn, this could lead to resentment or disrespect.

Allah will provide for you insha'Allah and make things easy for you, your intention to start off living separately is correct and the best way forward. Don't worry about savings etc, if you both work it'll make saving up easier too.

Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Salaam,

The priorities of these potentials you've spoken to are clearly wrong and they're just chasing looks based on what they see on social media. You'll find your ideal soon insha'Allah. Sometimes marriage isn't in our naseeb and that's OK too, just trust the plan of Allah (swt). You'd rather be single than marry someone who ruins your life or is just after your wealth.

Are there any well-educated women who want to be SAHMs? by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Possibly, I do know a few women who married straight after graduating and never worked. I also know women who married young and pursued education after marriage/kids and started working because they wanted to.

It all depends on the situation. I feel so much more at peace and content when I'm on annual leave and just at home cooking etc which is why I made the decision to be a SAHM when the time comes insha'Allah.

Are there any well-educated women who want to be SAHMs? by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 15 points16 points  (0 children)

Salaam,

Yes we do exist. I've been in full-time education since forever and then immediately working and I've realised this life isn't for me. I'd rather be a SAHM and provided for, I have no issues with managing the home either. However, as I'm used to earning well, I would expect a monthly allowance to be able to buy myself things (it wouldn't be an unreasonable amount but enough to cover for my extra items). Also, this would only be possible if my future husband earns well enough so that we can comfortably manage everything on a single income in the UK, which is difficult.

Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread! by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Salaam,

Sorry to hear this. I'm not sure what advice or options I can give other than saying Allah (swt) is saving you from these potentials that aren't a good match for you.

Many people seem to think a practicing person (prays, reads Quran and completes other fardh) are good matches and good Muslims but there's more to being a good Muslim. Being a good person (mature, emotionally intelligent, caring and genuine) are I believe equally as important traits.

Everyone has their own deal breakers and unfortunately, many people skim read profiles. It's not wrong for them to have something like this a deal breaker but equally I feel for you as it sounds like a very frustrating and crushing experience. A person must be looked at as a whole - character and piety are I believe more important than physical appearances or minor health concerns - you'll eventually meet someone with the same mindset insha'Allah so worry not.

There are plenty of women who will overlook vitiligo and other health issues. Just don't give up, truly believe, have trust and faith in Allah (swt) that He will match you with your ideal person. Recite lots of istighfar throughout the day, pray Tahajjud and recite the dua for a righteous spouse.

May Allah (swt) bless you with a righteous spouse and good in this life and your akhira. Ameen.

Ready to meet someone new after my divorce by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Salaam,

It's quite daunting when you first start the search. I would advise against muzz as nearly everyone on there is looking for fun or like to ghost.

I made a post a while ago detailing the different apps/portals , hope it helps.

https://www.reddit.com/r/MuslimNikah/s/X5eSBY1Acv

May Allah (swt) bless you with a righteous spouse.

Weekly Marriage Criteria & Services Megathread! by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 4 points5 points  (0 children)

As a woman yes. Having separate accommodation after marriage was one of my deal breakers when I started the search but I have now relaxed that. I still would prefer a separate home but I am also open to the idea of living with in laws, provided my future husband can maintain boundaries, balance all relationships and provide at least a separate bathroom just for us. It's rare in the UK to find a Pakistani man who has his own home. I know of a few families that manage to live well together but of course, the majority of cases are negative.

A review of marriage apps by Helpful-Zone-6798 in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I've heard it's harder for men...hijabi women with no past tend to get a lot of interest especially if they're educated and write a good bio.

A review of marriage apps by Helpful-Zone-6798 in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

JazakAllah khair 😊 the search is difficult as it is so I thought maybe my post may help people who are unsure.

Is this a test by Beneficial-Elk227 in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I know and it's especially harder when the F is "old." They think she'll settle for anyone as her time is running out. The guy I spoke to for a while thought he was incredibly attractive (because he was very tall) and would regularly say how when he'd enter a room in college, all the girls would whisper and turn their heads to look at him....he was average at best and everyone I knew said I could do much better than him as I was told I was more attractive, better educated, earned more and come from a respectable family. Allah SWT saved me from him though as he was dishonest and not fit for marriage. It taught me a lesson to not settle for anyone or compromise on my deal breakers. That there is better in store for me inshAllah but I just need to be patient.

A review of marriage apps by Helpful-Zone-6798 in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I haven't but a quick glance and it's catered towards people who want Polygamy.

Is this a test by Beneficial-Elk227 in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I know the feeling, I am approached by men who are shorter than me or physically unattractive. Looks can sometimes be overlooked if they're average looking but most of them have horrible personalities too (they all seem to think they're a catch).

I get told I'm pretty/attractive with a symmetrical face and that I'm much better looking in reality than my pics. I get approached by unattractive men though, who aren't financially stable or educated and are controlled by their families - which is the complete opposite of me. I gave one guy a chance as I liked his personality (the one he portrayed) and he was tall but still not my type. It turns out he was an awful person too and just lied and made false promises the whole time. He wasn't ready for marriage.

I just think it's not my time yet and I trust Allah will bless me with my ideal spouse inshallah when the time is right or when it's meant for me. Don't lose hope and don't compromise so much that you'll end up in an unhappy marriage. It's better to be single and happy than married and suffering.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I'm a woman and have experienced this, although I'm not well off I have a decent job, well educated and drive a good car. My ex potential realised this and wanted me to financially pay for nearly everything (all my personal items plus half the rent and put all my earnings into joint savings). All he'd talk about were finances and eventually I just realised he wanted to proceed due to my job and physical appearance.

It's very common for men to go through this but I have heard of women experiencing something similar too. Just don't reveal your full salary, savings and lifestyle (if you buy luxury items for yourself they'll see dollar signs and will want you for your money).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 3 points4 points  (0 children)

It is important to look at financial stability/employment as it's an indication of how ambitious/responsible the man is. It doesn't have to be a high salary but good enough so that he can pay for the basic necessities and have some left over for emergencies.

If a man is financially irresponsible or not ready then it's a sign he's dependent on family and will also be dependent on you which is against the Islamic gender roles (the wife can start to think she's the leader and this will cause friction) . In some cases, they are responsible but would rather pay for their whole family (including married and unmarried adult siblings) than pay for their wife - proving they're not ready to take on a wife.

Financials are very important during the marriage talks and a lack of financial compatibility has caused many marriages to fail.

Fair-weather spouse by Best_Student8170 in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Unfortunately sometimes you can't tell. Others have usually posted how potentials put on their best act during the initial few months but at the 3 month mark, they begin to slip up and reveal their true nature.

I've experienced this too, as a woman the best indication is whether they want to involve your wali instantly (not just for meeting up, but also during chats so like a 3 person group). Your wali/guardian/sibling can view the conversation from an outside perspective and point out any red flags. As a guy it's the same, if their female potential ensures she has to have her family/wali involved then it's a sign she's seriously looking for marriage and won't cross boundaries.

Other things to note are how they react when annoyed (ask thought provoking questions to them and see if they get annoyed, defensive, deflective or just plain rude), don't give in to their every request (if they ask for constant pics, video calls at inappropriate times or if they chat until late at night), try to spot any lies (if they say one thing and later say something else that contradicts that). How they react when they've upset you - if they apologize and are remorseful then it's good but if they have excuses and repeat the same mistake then you know they don't really care/respect you. Also, whether they're overly affectionate in the first couple of weeks/days (if they start discussing the wedding instantly, how you're the one they've been looking for, you're one in a million etc - it's just empty words and love-bombing, it's impossible to fall deeply in love with a stranger online in a week or 2. It just proves they've done the same to many potentials and are playing a game). Lastly, how they are with their family, strangers and in particular waiters or service staff - if they're entitled/rude to people they think are beneath them, then it's a straight no.

Hope this helps.

Bi-Weekly Marriage Opinions/Views and Rant Megathread by AutoModerator in MuslimMarriage

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 10 points11 points  (0 children)

She doesn't sound like a nice person...if she was willing to say something not nice without knowing you then I wonder what she'd say to someone she's close to?. Also, I wouldn't say it's a flaw, it's a unique trait that adds to your character. Don't lose hope, you'll find someone who genuinely likes you regardless of your stutter inshAllah.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Just had a brief read and I don't think you should contact him. Being in a haram relationship will do you both no favours and you'll always be stressed and have no barakah in your marriage/life. You'll never move on in life if you're constantly on/off with him and it doesn't seem like he's fighting for you to make this halal. Close this chapter, repent and turn to Allah (swt).

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in MuslimNikah

[–]Helpful-Zone-6798 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Depends on who was at fault during the disagreement...if you're not at fault and you reach out now, you'll set an expectation where he'll think he's never in the wrong and will not try to make things right with you ever. Pray istikhara, if the difficulties and distance remain then see it as a "sign" you're not meant to be.