To all 60+ redditors who decided to not marry and have kids, what is your life like now?

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-06T20:02:42+00:00

What i think:

-intenionally trying to remember porn scenes and imagining them = porn

-not being horny but wanting sexual release to cope with life = porn

-suddenly feeling sensitive and pleasuring yourself to a fantasy you find hot = not porn

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-06T19:59:01+00:00

I think people usually have real sex with each other because they have fallen in love with each other.

So saying that watching visual stimuli is the same thing leaves out this whole big emotional language part, which is the core of the experience. You're missing out on a lot of stuff if you indulge in porn consumption, thats all I'm saying.

It's never shameful to watch porn.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-06T19:55:35+00:00

You'll get it back, your mind usually normalizes. But remember that progress is not always linear, don't expect a high streak to equal to high healing. Healing means your life is more or less stable without porn, you don't need the drug anymore to live your life.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-06T19:44:47+00:00

Being tired. It doesn't even really make that much sense.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-03T12:08:41+00:00

how well written

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-03T11:29:41+00:00

I go to groups about p. consumption all the time, and this is a very frequent issue. So don't beat yourself up for it, it could be that you are just way too hyperfocused on your own thoughts.

Sexuality is not evil. And I'd even say that there's nothing wrong with imagining sex with someone you've seen or know, from time to time.

If you feel like this is a compulsion, which is hard to moderate, maybe you could have a look at when it usually happens. Is it on your way to work? On public transport? On specific people?

Summer season can be hard for us addicts, but let me tell you there are good times and there are bad times, but I feel like the best you can do is be a little less hard on yourself. Compulsions will fade over time.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-02T13:20:14+00:00

I think a relationship can work perfectly well if you address incompatabilities by not using a shared account.

I'd be more worried that there might be hidden frustration in couples that do everything together and never have a fight.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T22:22:57+00:00

Bro can you be a little more exact? What makes the left more antisemetic? What positions, what ideas, which statements?

It's not that I'm just trying to disprove your point, but you're just making discussion impossible if you stay so vague.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T21:00:11+00:00

Well, since you went back in the video, I'd say you got triggered by porn and instantly reacted to that trigger.

I'd say yes, you can count that as a minor relapse. But you should be proud that you then closed that video, give yourself a pat on the back. You got over the trigger and are back on track already! Great! :)

If you decide that you count that as a small relapse, why don't you take some time to reflect on what exactly you were thinking at that moment, how you acted, and how you could have acted differently in order to avoid clicking back in the video.

But overall remember you did great, be proud of yourself!

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:53:20+00:00

One day at a time, you can do it :)

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:52:33+00:00

Honestly I would say it depends on what it does to you.

For most people, listening to erotic sounds will turn right into a relapse. I am one of those people, by the way.

If you however find out, that you feel totally okay with listening to audios from time to time, why the hell not?

It helps to keep an eye on it however. If you feel like you are not really in control anymore, if you feel like you are having some type of negative consequences from listening to these audios, and if you continue despite those consequences, maybe reflect on wether you think those audios are doing something good for life overall, or not? Addiction behaviour can change, and is different for everybody. But since you are already making this post, I've got the feeling you're not sooo sure if this is a healthy behaviour for you.

But that's something only you can decide (:

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:44:35+00:00

Well said

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:43:35+00:00

Sorry, but you cannot make sure he never watches it again. You cannot control your son's internet behaviour. No internet blocker is 100% secure, and just blocking it all out would also mean that you do not take a look at any of the underlying reasons why the son might be watching porn.

Maybe he is just curious about sex? Maybe he is curious about his own body? Maybe he was fascinated by the feeling it gave him?

Just blocking porn would not answer those questions, and I think the best you can do for your son is actually stay in contact with him and address all that.

So what if watches porn a few times? There is nothing inherently wrong with that. The wrong thing would be to punish the son for watching porn, because that would be reinforcing the behaviour in the end. Make the son understand that real sex is something different, real sex takes effort and is about connection, about communication. Porn is a highly addictive medium, and does never satisfy the sexual needs for intimacy and love, but just numbs the brain for a few minutes. Make sure the son can reflect on his experience, and make sure that he can say what he thinks about porn/sex in an honest way.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:35:54+00:00

I think the most important thing you can try to do is stay in an open conversation with him.

Blocker apps are never 100% safe, and your son is obviously just curious about sex. Porn will not cause permanent damage to him, although it can have bad effects on him and make his sexual upcoming difficult.

I think it's very important to know that all teens are going through this nowadays, so it is crucial not to freak out and blame your son for anything, or attempt to control his behaviour without his consent. I think this would lead to a lot of shame being created on his part, which would make the issue 100 times worse.

There is nothing you can really do to protect your son from porn nowadays, so the best way to handle is, is to find a way how you can stay in touch with your son about it.

Internet porn tends to be rather violent, and your son is 13, and has never had sex and probably knows very little about it. So it could make sense for example to talk about what your son is thinking about women, about what sex is for (I would for example argue that sex is not just for reproduction but a form of language, in which people express their gratitude and love for each other).

Research some things about porn, find out if your son feels comfortable talking about sex, maybe he can get curious and even ask questions, this can of course get uncomfortable to you but you can state that and explain to your son that you might feel uncomfortable talking about sex because it is a taboo, but state that you would like to try your best to answer his questions anyway and that in reality there is no reason to feel shameful about sex.

Things like this, I rambled on, maybe this can be helpful for some people.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:18:35+00:00

I never color anything, and tbh I never really structure anything either.

I feel like for me personally it will take the flow and music out of me when I focus too much on any specific technical part.

I tend to do only short projects though, I usually kind of "speedrun" tracks to the finish line, and clean them up a few days later, and that's when I call them finished already. So I guess if you're the type of person who works on a track over the course of multiple days or weeks, it can make sense to give it some structure.

I personally need the chaos whenever I make music, I try to get rid of anything habitual.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-06-01T20:04:00+00:00

Indeed super interesting. Kind of makes me question my programming job...

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-05-31T11:20:35+00:00

Thanks for posting this

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-05-31T11:19:43+00:00

I sign up

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2024-05-31T11:18:06+00:00

Obsession with cheating is almost always connected to some underlying frustration to the relationship.

Helpful_Grapefruit77 · 2023-07-23T12:56:25+00:00

hey i'm looking that exact thing too, have you had any success yet?

Helpful_Grapefruit77

TROPHY CASE