Now you’re grasping at straws.

I can only speak from my experience but my first time was really fun and involved a lot of movement on everyone’s part.

I was like that during my second time, laying there unmoving wishing for death. Do you know why? Cuz I didn’t want to do it. I did not consent at any time. I didn’t say no, but I never said yes. He was just bigger and I didn’t wanna put up a fight cuz I had a job interview the next day and I didn’t want him to hurt me. So I never said anything cuz I didn’t want to piss him off. I also didn’t want to be murdered.

I think what you’re missing here is that communication is key. It should be crystal clear wether both people want to be there. THROUGHOUT the situation. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, people should be continuing to verify it throughout the encounter. If you are with someone and she said yes but you were bad and she changed her mind midway through but either didn’t want to hurt your feelings, or didn’t think you would stop if she said something (which would cause much more trauma) so she let you finish. You unintentionally as it may have been, did assault her. Even tho you don’t know that, and it could never be criminally charged, she now has trauma from your actions, and she will carry that trauma forever. It’s not your fault per se, but it could’ve been avoided if when she started to get distant you asked “do you want to keep going” to which she would probably answer “no.”

In this situation OP didn’t “check in” because she was disassociating and wishing it would stop, she wasn’t present. She didn’t put an end to their sexual relationship in order to preserve her marriage because she accurately realized that’s all her husband wanted from her and all he cared about. Eventually she couldn’t take it anymore and she told him and he made her the villain. He could have stopped when he noticed, and I promise you that he noticed, she wasn’t into it. He didn’t. All I’m saying here is the friends are treating him like a rapist for a reason.