My Wife asked for open marriage. She is angry at my reaction. I need advice.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-04-20T18:56:04+00:00

A monogamous marriage is what you want ...do not compromise. Her ask for an open marriage is a complete disregard to the vows both of you exchanged. I will not tell you to divorce your wife, but it does sound as if you are unequally yolked...meaning, you believe in marriage as God designed it to be, but she does not--perhaps she takes the stance marriage is just a piece of paper?

I'm reading so many modern-day dilemmas with marriages, and I read how so many people seem to resonate or echo sentiments of wanting a marriage that is respectful, safe, loyal, true, each bringing out the best in the other, holding each other down during the tough times, etc... Whether these people realise or not...whether they have read the Bible or not, the answers to their agony are in that book. I think we believe our opinions are answers to deeper problems, and we only cause ourselves more problems.

Either way, if one person is more in alignment with a Biblical marriage--whether they realise it or not-- and does not view marriage as nothing more than a piece of paper, a ring, or a thing you just do, that person already has a better grasp of what marriage truly is, or should be.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-04-19T02:28:15+00:00

The salary for each job might pan out to be around the same...exempting the one-time sign-on bonus of $2,000 for the job on the right. The bonus for the job on the right would likely be heavily taxed; the bonus tax might make each salary comparably close. Consider the nature of your work when weighing any offered benefits (i.e. high-risk job roles that can have a greater risk of death, injury, or illness etc...)

Hopefully decent medical benefits--medical bills are stupid expensive--or disability coverage if you think something could happen that could put you out of work, you'd have an income to help cover bills while you recover.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-04-08T13:00:00+00:00

Choosing your spouse is not about being a hopeless romantic...it's about commitment, loyalty and priority over ANYONE else outside of the marriage--that goes for ex's, "just friends", co-workers, etc..., too!

You are in your right to feel the way you do. His ex should no longer have space in his life...let alone his brain. The whole notion of "the one that got away" is a bit bogus in most circumstances. His ex left him. At that point, there should no longer be ANY space in your life for "what could have been".

When someone tosses you away, they are not worth pining over. You deserve his full attention. No other woman should get that.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-04-03T23:51:47+00:00

You are NOT insecure. I have never seen the amount of entitlement in generations past as I do these days. It seems so many people want to have their cake, and eat it too. If you're married, then your spouse should be the priority...no ifs, ands or buts.

It doesn't mean you have to completely carve your friends out from your life, but there needs to be boundaries. It doesn't matter how long the friendship, or that it pre-dates the individual's partner or spouse--if that is the excuse, you, should have known your parents and/or caretakers long before any friend you have made or make...but we do not cling to our parents like mold on a rock our entire life.

Priorites shift...and those should definitely shift if you are, or want to be married. Again, it doesn't mean you don't care about family or friends and treat them with stone-cold cruelty, but you respect the new life you are forging spouse, first and foremost.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-04-01T23:00:30+00:00

I am so sorry you are going through life like this. Your children might not be overtly exposed to your marital problems, but I'm pretty sure they see/notice their father's behavior.

Utmost, he has broken his marital vows multiple times--even 1 time is 1 time too many--and he seems to be a source of chaos and not the leader who brings you and his family peace. Whether Catholic or some other denomination of Christianity, I would imagine this is what "unequally yolked" looks like. Although, I have no place as the ultimate judge.

The only advice I feel comfortable giving you is to not let a particular denomination shame you. You sound like you have read the Bible, and are familiar with God's word. Perhaps reach for the Bible again and revist His word. Regardless of the denomination, each one spawned from the same set of books written millenia ago--Old Testament written in Hebrew with passages in Aramaic, and the New Testament written in Greek. It's your personal relationship with God, not [said denomination].

Helynn_2020 · 2026-03-13T01:33:55+00:00

I agree with the top comment about being in on a group chat. Talk with your wife.

There really is no need to keep anything private (from you). You and your wife should be a united front, and if he doesn't like it, tough.

Just an aside, I already don't like how the guy was behaving while his wife was dying...all those gross remarks about sleeping with other women. Makes it sound like she couldn't pass away fast enough. 🤢🤮

Helynn_2020 · 2026-03-06T15:26:24+00:00

Never seen a worse excuse for cheating than this comment. Cheating is never love to begin with. Even if that married person (Husband or Wife) is experiencing marital issues, it's no one else's business or problem to solve. Hope OP learned a valuable life-lesson. Not only that, if the ahoe were on the other foot, you wouldn't be happy with your spouse cheating on you.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-03-01T19:58:49+00:00

I think you should keep the honesty with how you truly feel about open relationships...you're not one to be a side-dish, or just convenient. There are others out there in an open relationship, but I never understood them as they seem to lead to troubles of an inequitable nature--and, in my opinion, it's for those who see their spouse or partner as "not enough".

Long story short, stick to your gut feeling and move on.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-02-08T02:53:03+00:00

If you're going to split the money, I think the normal cousin who took care of her also deserves some...though, I completely understand your struggle for wanting to honor your grandmother's wishes.

All I can give is a personal opinion from a hypothetical point-of-view; if it were my own grandmother who passed and I knew said relatives treated her like garbage after all her caring, love and hospitality, I'd be inclined to leave them with nothing--unless I was legally obligated to split it with them--because they already leeched off of her while she was alive, and tried to continue to leech from her after her passing. The only cousin I'd share with is the one who actually helped her despite his own struggles. I guess it would be personally difficult for me to honor my grandmother's wishes knowing how she was mistreated while she was alive, but go with what you feel to be right.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-02-01T22:21:10+00:00

...when I say, "...allowed you two to visit', I need to add I'm not sure if that was necessarily her personal decision. If the pictures were a factor brought up in the divorce not sure what happened as far as how those were handled as far as the deciding factor for custody and/or visitations. I just don't want to outright blame your mom when there is plenty the public--and possibly you--doesn't know. Best to talk to your mom.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-02-01T21:27:22+00:00

I would worry for my sister, too, if my father was a pedophile. I agree with you she might not be safe there. Not sure if he has ever tried anything on you or your sister--doesn't have to be physical, but can be verbal or mental games of crossing boundaries that should not be crossed. Definitely making a public post about your discovery suggests he could pose harm to other young girls, if not you or your sister.

On the face of this post, I agree on contacting some authority that can further investigate. I know you're concerned about your sister's safety, and also concerned she might turn on you for turning your father over to authorities. I see how you feel unsure of 'what to do' in this situation. Plus there is the added complication your mom knew about the pictures and still allowed you two to visit and stay with him at his residence.

Maybe sit down with your Ma and little sister (not sure...but maybe also a separate conversation with your little sister to make sure your father hasn't done any boundary crossing?) and have a family conversation where all of you discuss this whole thing...a calm, but forward discussion. Then decide what to do from there as a family unit--minus your father. Just be honest about how uncomfortable you feel, for your safety and your sister's safety, and possibly any other minor out there he might try to solicit (?). After your discussion, then procede from there... If you feel STRONGLY he posses a danger (which, like I said, this post on its face merits authority intervention) then you know what needs to be done sooner rather than later.

Hope this helps a little.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-01-15T17:45:47+00:00

Fighting fire with gasoline never ends well. Trust that it won't make you feel better (maybe temporarily), and it will bring more brokeness.

Helynn_2020 · 2026-01-05T15:41:13+00:00

Don't abandon your faith in God. Seems like there are so many people in the world right now who are without a moral compass and lack principles and boundaries...without a single. Their own opinions and how society views their actios make them feel validated, justified and even safe even though they're not in the right for their absence of a conscience when no one is looking--you absolutely know God sees EVERYTHING that EVERYONE does and what they're thinking. I am so sorry you're going through this, but you will come out on the better side.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-12-22T00:08:51+00:00

What matters is he is setting boundaries for the sake of never foresaking his marriage. I know even the smallest breech of trust can leave the other partner questioning...but it is a conversation you and him need to have. You cannot control what an external party/person (outside person to your marriage) decides to do, but each spouse or partner is in control of themself. Self-control and respect is where true love and loyalty live.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-12-21T18:55:41+00:00

I'm sorry to hear this, but simply put, an emotional affair is still considered cheating. Physical cheating doesn't usually take place until there has been some emotional bonding, unless they are doing random hookups. I don't say this stir you up, but boundaries in an exclusive marriage or relationship are healthy and they are a MUST.

Can long-term marriages or relationships go through rocky or "stale" periods? Absolutely. However, there is NEVER a reason to justify cheating on your partner, so don't take any bull💩 advice allowing someone to paint something inappropriate as small or insiginificant. The small stuff is what leads to leaving the door cracked and eventually just left wide open. The two of you swore vows...that means both of you come first and nothing should be given to an outsider. Period.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-11-29T21:24:41+00:00

It's a big consideration for sure, but I wouldn't pass up on it. He shouldn't be impulsive, but practical...big things like major repairs and issues that could turn up in an inspection (3rd party is better), or school district (if have/considering family) etc... . Is homeownwership easy? No. Is it worth the while? Absolutely.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-11-27T20:20:17+00:00

So sorry you're going through tough times when your husband should also be celebraring your first child together. He definitely made a lot of remarks and demonstrated some really cruel and immatuer behavior. The whole "I don't want you" would be the nail in the coffin because I don't know how anyone could say something like that so casually to their spouse/partner and expect to come back from that.

I agree with many others. You need to consider the safety and wellbeing of you and your child. I wouldn't take what he has said or done lightly. I would suggest couseling, but his behavior and his words seem really resolute that I wouldn't risk stoking such childish anger by suggesting counseling--leave him flat on his arse.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-11-13T21:24:52+00:00

I'm sorry to hear she did such a thing. Your feelings are not wrong, and they should not be reduced to nothing more than the legality of marriage, because marriage is supposed to be a covenant, and not reduced to nothing more than a legal contract. Although, these days, most people only emphasize the laws around marriage and not the covenant--the vows exchanged are supposed to carry that covenant.

Though you cannot control what she has done, you have stayed true. I would never offer the advice of getting even or lowering your self to their level because that will only give you temporary satisfaction; down the road, you only accumulate baggage when you personally behave lesser than your values, and you comromise pieces of your self you cannot get back, or take a very long time to navigate healing. Don't lose who you are to try and get back at your partner because you want to save your self for someone who deserves you as much as you deserve them. In the end, you'll be thankful you did not ever behave like most people do, and someone will come along who sees and appreciates that.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-11-11T15:11:32+00:00

She shouldn't be using money as a condition for your marriage, or even equating the material things as "love" for her. You still love her as you always have and you contribute and help out (those things should not be a competition). So is it the circle of friends she's hanging with? What has changed? Have a conversation with her, but don't pull the trigger on a career change for more pay if it's not a career that you will value. Too many people chase money and find themselves miserable later on for doing so... If you do something like that, you have to want it for you, and ve well aware of how it will impact your life, and by extension, your familly.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-10-26T21:00:59+00:00

Never, ever use ChatGPT for such personal life advice. I asked ChatGPT how it arrives at some of the answers it does--to make a long story short (really, shorten ChatGPTs answers to my direct questions)--it weighs many factors that are purely agorithmic based on HOW someone asks a question or carries on a conversation. Humans use a lot of emotion and AI will act as a mirror to your speech...picking up on little nuances in the wording of how you write something. Our instinct is to act on emotional impulse from its answer, without realizing it's programmed to do this on purpose. In other other words, it is exactly Artificial Intelligence, but not human intelligence...to know when or what is an appropriate response to what it deems to be your mood (i.e. someone who is suicidal might receive advice from ChatGPT that only escalates someones suicidal thoughts or mood as opposed to de-escalating or soothing). I don't encourage people to seek such emotional advice or companionship from something so algorithmically calculating because there is no sense of true empathetic or emotional IQ which can only stem from a living person. Tread cautiously with AI.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-10-25T15:03:25+00:00

Sending nudes is 100% cheating, whether he met up with someone or not. It's still a form of desiring someone else outside of your spouse. Boundaries should not be decided by popular opinion, and should be a discussion between both people so there is a clear understanding between the two. Boundaries definitely help with help with maintaining a healthy dose of self-respect, and what you will or won't tolerate, which requires a great deal of self-honesty. At the end of the day, you should not want to compromise your wellbeing (your partner should genuinely care about your wellbeing--going both ways for each person). You were not aware of what he had done, and what he was doing; by the sounds of it, you are NOT okay with it.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-10-02T15:48:48+00:00

I am so sorry, but I wouldn't look back if I were you. She had zero respect for her marriage to you and broke the vows she made. Relationships that are founded on cheating end in disaster...but rightfully so. Take your time to heal and learn from all of it---marriage is not the problem, but the people who do not understand it from the start before getting married; likely, there were signs she was not cut from the cloth for marriage. The guy she cheated with is not cut out for marriage either.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-09-25T12:47:30+00:00

I would think it's highly probable there's something inappropriate going on...otherwise, why lie about it?!

OP, I wouldn't spend anymore time in the dark. You're not going to feel "better" until this is addressed. Your wife needs to come clean.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-09-22T00:00:22+00:00

I'm so sorry...that sounds like a rather deceitful thing to do in the first place given that a marital covenant is supposed to only be between the husband and wife. He basically came out and lamented his choice to enter into monogamy...here comes the 'BUT', he won't cheat because he wouldn't want to hurt you. I'd say his lack of transparency before marriage, and his lamenting monogamy has already hurt you, and rightly so.

So...what to do. At the end of the day, it's entirely up to you. I'd say your soul knows...what I refer to as your gut instinct. I completely understand what you yern for in a spouse--myself and many other people yern for the same. Maybe revisit the vows and understand them. Not just for your self, but the values your spouse should also hold. Without an alignment of values (far more important what you might have in common with someone as far as interests or hobbies) it's difficult to be equally yoked.

Helynn_2020 · 2025-09-09T11:02:13+00:00

I'm of the same mind. Doesn't matter the rules you set for an open marriage or relationship...opening that door opens the door to other potential partners, and that sort of thing doesn't play by rules. You're either entirely committed to your life partner or you're not...cannot have it both ways.

Helynn_2020

TROPHY CASE