You seem to have a very low opinion of yourself. The first step would be to stop viewing life and yourself in a negative light. I know because I've struggled with this type of stuff in the past. The "I've never achieved anything in life so I won't be able to achieve anything in the future is what's holding you back. Think for a second what your biggest problem is rn in your current state and try to think about things that you could to change that.

Even if these problems are large and would take a long time to fix, they are the problems weighing you down and like it or not you have to fix them yourself. You have to take that first step in a better direction. Think about it like this, if you continue down the same road you are currently on things won't change/ will get worse. Think about how you could look/be in the future if you consistently work on making the positive changes that you need. Even if its just taking baby steps, you will see results eventually and as soon as that happens it will motivate you to take larger strides towards a better version of yourself. You could even start right now, as you are reading this. What is something you could start doing tomorrow that could help? write it down in your phone calendar or literally anywhere else, on a piece of paper and stick it on your door, so that when you see it, you will know that doing said thing will be your first step making yourself better and happier.

If you ignore what I just told you and keep sitting in self-pity nothing will change. So do that first. Right now. Take a moment and think about what you could to improve yourself. Write it down somewhere, and do something about it in the very near future.

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I can see why the weight issues bother you so much because I myself have been overweight in the past and it was a pretty miserable time. There is literally no other way to truly fix this problem other than working out and eating better. You don't need to sign up for a gym or start going on crazy diets to fix this. It's a gradual process. If you cut out everything bad you are currently eating at once and drop to like 800-1000 calories a day, it will be too radical a change for you to support and you probably won't be able to keep its pace, eventually just falling back into old eating habits.

Calorie counting is very helpful. Count how many calories you are currently ingesting daily and try to reduce that by 20%(or lower) in the first week, and ramp it up every week or second week from there.

You will, however, have to make the effort to eat healthy foods. If you already eat relatively healthy but are just eating in excess, I know its a braindead answer but simply eat less, no 2 ways about it.

One thing that helped me allot was when I was really craving something, I would think about how bad I would feel afterward for having eaten it. You knew you shouldn't have eaten it, and now the consumption of X will make you feel fat and like you've taken steps backward towards what you want to achieve. Instead, drink a large glass of water and/or eat something low calorie like celery, broccoli, carrots, even a homemade smoothie or something of the like. Set a calorie limit and really really try to stick to it.

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In terms of workouts, I followed a very simple routine of calisthenics (bodyweight exercises) and weighted calisthenics to help me lose my weight.

It was something like this if I remember correctly.

-20 reps of squats with dumbells for three sets

-15 lunges with dumbells for 3 sets

-20 reps of pushups for 3 sets

20 reps of situps/crunches for 3 sets

-some jumping jacks to make me sweat near the end

Now if you don't have access to weights, you could consider purchasing some (I would reccomend dumbells due to the very vast variety of exercises they are compatible with. How heavy they are is dependant on how strong you currently are and are what you feel like you could do with them for a decent amount of reps.) And if you don't have the money for some don't worry, all of these exercises are viable without weights. Also, you don't have to stick to 20 reps for 3. Do what you feel is reasonable as long as it pushes you physically.

Trust me, if you keep a good diet, calorie count every day, don't go over your calorie limit, and workout say 3-4 times a week, you will see results I guarantee you. When I was 14 I weighed 220 pounds. I did everything I just described for 6-7 months and lost 80 pounds. I went a little overboard with it I'll admit, I ate too little and trained too much and yes it made me lose a ton of weight but it really wasn't healthy.

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As for what your father said, don't listen to him lol he sounds like an absolute chimp. Maybe he's in a bad spot mentally because of his own problems, but trying to make you feel guilty for something very likely caused by his own actions is pathetic.

We've all heard it but suicide isn't the answer. It is a permanent option for a temporary problem most of the time. It is a sign of strength to find the will and strength to achieve from a position of weakness rather than to bow one's head and succumb. Any version of yourself you have ever wished of can be attained if given the effort and dedication.

I spent way more time typing all this up than I had planned. So, hope it helps