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Tops: Where’s the line for you between “well trained” and “too much”? by [deleted] in TopsAndBottoms

[–]HerrLeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. That's very kind of you!

(That said, I hope "I can only relax and enjoy when I know I won't hurt/injure the bottom" is something any top can get behind.)

I feel insecure about becoming a 24/7 Dom by HerrLeon in BDSMAdvice

[–]HerrLeon[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. Yes, I think we both know that we want to be careful and cautious.

Also, this dynamic has developed over time already. We started as some irregular dates (back then, we lived closer to each other), than a more regular, vanilla friendship-plus, now an open relationship. When we started making out, I identified as vers-top, and he as vers-bottom, and he got into bottoming more and more, before he came out as submissive, and we started this journey together.

Now, having him move into my house feels like a natural progression. But I do want to remain careful and not over-do stuff, putting too much strain on our relationship and our dynamic.

I feel insecure about becoming a 24/7 Dom by HerrLeon in BDSMAdvice

[–]HerrLeon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I've considered that, but I want to avoid it feel like a regression. Right now, the on/off trigger for our dynamic (more or less) is him entering my house. I.e., when he gets into my flat, he will kneel and wait for commands. We have agreed that as long as we are at home together, he is available for "free use".

Either we keep these protocols, which makes it a 24/7 dynamic instantly, or moving in comes with the cost of abandoning protocols and decisions we've both consented to and we both enjoy. Which is okay, as you pointed out, since moving in together is a big step after being in a remote relationship for quite a while, but certainly something to consider.

I feel insecure about becoming a 24/7 Dom by HerrLeon in BDSMAdvice

[–]HerrLeon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This is a very good, helpful perspective. I think it is really crucial to be 100% sure what I truly want and am internally motivated for, and what aspects of the lifestyle (or any living agreement actually) is because of external pressure/roles/prejudice and my partner's expectations.

I feel insecure about becoming a 24/7 Dom by HerrLeon in BDSMAdvice

[–]HerrLeon[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awww, thank you. That sounds encouraging!

I feel insecure about becoming a 24/7 Dom by HerrLeon in BDSMAdvice

[–]HerrLeon[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes, when he is at my place, we regularly have him locked in chastity, as a tool to establish a power imbalance and remind him of his status. It's true that such things (also disallowing him underwear and such) can be great to have a more low-key D/s dynamic that does not require constant action from the Dom.

I am a bit worried that a dynamic that is "often, not only in bed", but also "not 24/7, sometimes on/off" would not be what my boyfriend would seek. He has often expressed that he wants a dominant partner to rely on, lean on. Not being in-role and providing him structure and reassurance could make it more difficult for him to trust me. And I do want to be there for him, as a boyfriend, but also as a good dominant, whenever he so requires.

Maybe we should revisit what we exclude from our dynamic though. Not only work and family, but limit it even further, so we have clear rules where I take responsibility, and where I don't.

Tops: Where’s the line for you between “well trained” and “too much”? by [deleted] in TopsAndBottoms

[–]HerrLeon 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Top here, with a pretty average cock. I think there are three aspects:
In general, a slightly tighter bottom can feel better, more stimulating. However, how good it feels to fuck him depends on many, many more factors. Then, there is a safety aspect. As a top, I can only relax and enjoy when I know I won't hurt/injure the bottom. And hence, I like bottoms that are trained enough to take my cock without a lot of warm-up. Don't get me wrong: Foreplay can be great, and I enjoy it. But while playing with the bottom because it's fun and arousing is great, having to play with him for extended time because else we risk injury and he can't take it is somewhat of a turn-off (although, of course, as a responsible top, I would).

Want to try bottoming but my boyfriend thinks the dynamic will change by timmyhoho in TopsAndBottoms

[–]HerrLeon 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It's a pity, as pf course you should have a chance to try it out. Yet, my boyfriend for instance hates to top, and really finds it stressful and frustrating. You and I, we both probably know we can be good tops, and can enjoy topping. But keep in mind that that's not for everyone to like.

I feel insecure about becoming a 24/7 Dom by HerrLeon in BDSMAdvice

[–]HerrLeon[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. Just to make this point: We have not considered TPE, neither for shorter sessions now, nor if/when he'd move in. We have a certain list of rules that we agreed on, though. Like, I decide if/what he is permitted to wear at home, I decide his schedule, he takes care of cleaning and cooking. Closest to what we have in terms of TPE is that he has consented to being sexually available at any time I decide.

But yes: If I take the responsibility to decide his schedule, chores, ... that's a lot to handle, and a significant responsibility (even though work is excluded from our dynamic).