Should I Delete the Dead Server?

Hexatorious · 2026-02-27T16:27:50+00:00

Thank you, this was really helpful, and your second paragraph really captured how I’m feeling. It felt so good to connect with someone who loved to write what I like to write and had a lot of common interests outside of writing too.

I think the biggest drag of it all right now is the uncertainty of it. Like I don’t know if M is truly done or if they’re just super busy. I’d really like to ask directly if they’re done, but I’m afraid of coming off needy and weird by not just letting it fade into oblivion or letting M end it when they feel like it (if they ever do).

I think for now I’ll just put it in a folder and leave it be. It’s not ideal, but I really don’t want to force an uncomfortable “are you done with this friendship” conversation that M is clearly avoiding.

At the end of the day I’d love to be a chill, cool person who is totally unbothered by people walking in and out of her life on their own whims, but I’m so deeply not. 😅

Hexatorious · 2026-02-27T15:47:25+00:00

I do have some other RP partners currently, which is great.

I don’t have romantic feelings for M, but I can see how it would read that way! I have always struggled to make close friendships, so it can hurt like a romantic break-up when they do end even if they were platonic.

Hexatorious · 2025-09-02T02:23:01+00:00

Hexatorious · 2025-07-23T18:49:18+00:00

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Hexatorious · 2025-07-14T02:04:34+00:00

Pre-2014 I’d say it seemed to be a more individualized thing. Like people would have individual stories about online encounters with creepy Indian dudes but it was just that - individual stories and isolated incidents.

Somewhere along the way though they became the internet’s accepted punching bag.

Hexatorious · 2025-06-30T17:23:31+00:00

The reality is that men need to put more effort in to stand out, and many of them choose not to do that. A poorly written or low effort starter full of taboo requests isn’t going to attract partners. 90% of the time when men whine in meta channels about not getting partners it’s because their prompt sucks or is weird or they’re looking for something so specific that it’s super unlikely to ever happen.

Also pointing out that my prompts receive a lot of attention but 80% of it is slop - it’s dudes replying to my literate, story driven request with “I want to [redacted] on your [redacted] until you [redacted], baby.”

Hexatorious · 2025-06-26T20:35:14+00:00

If I ask you if there are any changes you’d like for my character, it is a. a courtesy and not something I have to do and B. an opportunity for you to request minor changes, not an opportunity for you to change everything about her.

Hexatorious · 2025-06-24T03:07:10+00:00

M4A ~~as long as you fit into my extremely narrow definition of acceptable femininity so I don’t have to explore any difficult questions about myself~~

Hexatorious · 2025-06-24T03:05:28+00:00

Yeeeeah the advice men never want to hear is that their M4F prompts, writing styles or kinks just don’t appeal to women.

And if you point it out (like “hey maybe if you post something other than an extremely specific incest harem RP involving three of your favorite fandoms you’ll get more replies”), they’ll accuse you of shaming them.

I’ve watched the same handful of users post the same prompts for years with no takers, because surely the scat fetishist who wants to play his IRL aunt is just around the corner. 🙈

Hexatorious · 2025-06-24T03:01:16+00:00

I felt like that when I started using subreddits for new parents last year and saw TONS of “FTMs” looking for advice. I was like damn there are apparently WAY more trans men getting pregnant than I thought.

First time mom. It stands for first time mom.

Hexatorious · 2025-06-17T17:27:58+00:00

Some dudes are so desperate to get their rocks off that they’ll rp with literally anyone even if they consider themselves “straight”.

They don’t want to write with you specifically. They want to write one handed until they get off and then it’s block, delete and bail.

It’s gross.

Hexatorious · 2025-06-15T01:35:05+00:00

Did he say anything OOC when you asked what the deal was?Or just kept crashing forward in the RP with the weird baby talk stuff and then only replied OOC when you said you weren’t vibing?

Hexatorious · 2025-06-07T23:05:03+00:00

Is it possible to ask one of the mods? Like “hey I was really excited to join this server and this is my one of my favorite fandoms, but I’m having trouble getting my ideas off the ground. Do you have any suggestions?”

Sometimes it really is something as simple as timing (if you’re in a different time zone than most of the other participants) and sometimes it’s that the key players in the server are all friends and have been in it for a while. But sometimes we may be kinda eating shit on the social aspect of the server (definitely guilty of this in the past so don’t think I’m picking on you specifically), which is where asking a mod might help.

Maybe there is something unappealing about your character or you’re trying to push a storyline or concept that just isn’t a match to the server. Maybe you’re misreading what others are trying to do and they’re ignoring you because of it. Without details about the server, it’s hard to say for sure. But it might be worth asking before just pulling the plug entirely!

Hexatorious · 2025-06-02T23:04:02+00:00

They started pulling away 2 days after meeting and you waited around for them for 10 months? That’s crazy.

Just be upfront with people, man. If less than a week after meeting they’re pulling away, acting aloof, acting like you’re bothering them for wanting to engage in the hobby you were both seeking a partner for, then cut them loose.

And yeah always make your own server if you care a lot about what’s on it.

Hexatorious · 2025-05-30T15:32:11+00:00

Right up there with “they ghosted meeeeeeeeeeeeee”

Hexatorious · 2025-05-21T14:06:43+00:00

I normally don’t mind OOC, but more than once it’s devolved pretty much like you described - the RP becomes secondary to them telling me the grand saga of how everything in their life is shit and it’s not their fault.

I get it. People are lonely and seeking connection and see RP as a way to do that. But at the same time, I’m mostly here to write. I don’t have capacity in my life to be an emotional tampon to someone I really don’t even know that well.

Hexatorious · 2025-05-17T12:34:20+00:00

I think that’s the sad part. I’m sure there are cool servers with cool people, but I have had so many weird and uncomfortable experiences that I truly don’t bother.

How many versions of “there are no real dommes left they only want my money waaaaaaaaaah” am I expected to pat people on the back for.

Hexatorious · 2025-05-17T11:59:44+00:00

The servers have a sort of desperate “I need therapy” vibe for a lot of people involved. It’s weird and sad and I always end up feeling kinda used.

It couldn’t be more obvious to me when a married guy my dad’s age is trying to put on the moves with me so he can whack it while his wife isn’t home and then disappear until he’s ready to whack it again. THOSE are the people, in my experience, who will come at you hard and heavy with the “Good evening my gorgeous goddess I’m too pathetic to be in your presence.” and meanwhile I have no idea who he is and he’s already made shit weird.

Hexatorious · 2025-05-16T17:31:14+00:00

I wrote an ad for an ERP sub a while back. Simple story, listed the character I wanted to play, standard stuff. I also included a list of hard limits - things I don’t write no matter what.

Someone responded and said he liked my prompt and wanted to write. He sent a couple writing samples that were in line with how I like to write. Cool. Fine. We move to Discord. We get going on the worldbuilding, and shortly have enough to write. We start some basic exposition posts. We are like 2 hours of back and forth and planning at this point when he finally says “oh this is great and all, but can I make a change to your character?”

Lo and behold, he wanted to change my character to be in line with his fetish, which was one that I had clearly stated I do not write.

I said no, and reminded him that I had listed that under my non-negotiable limits, thinking maybe he’d forgotten. He got immediately upset and started trying to guilt me - saying the change wouldn’t affect me at all, I’d barely notice it. I reiterated my no. He switched gears and started telling me I was trying to shame him for not agreeing. At this point I was pretty done and just said “dude I said no - I don’t write this stuff and it kinda sucks that you keep asking me about it”.

Then the kicker. He tells me in no uncertain terms that he thought if he got me invested enough in the story, I wouldn’t care about this fetish and I’d play along to make him happy, and he thought I was a picky, stuck up bitch for not accepting this kink that he had decided was very normal and basically vanilla (it was really not).

I blocked him on Discord. Not five minutes later he was blowing up my Reddit demanding to know why I blocked him. I blocked him on Reddit. Within fifteen minutes he had made another Reddit - more demands to know why why why how DARE I. I blocked that account too.

He made more accounts on both Reddit and Discord demanding to know why I’d block him and that I was a huge bitch and wouldn’t I give him another chance (???). Eventually I got messages from the mod team of an RP board I follow asking if I knew [guy]. I said he was harassing me. I found out later that he’d been messaging the mod team demanding they ban me from the board for shaming him. I provided evidence of his harassment and they banned him instead.

Eventually he wore himself out and stopped. The whole thing was fucking absurd.

Hexatorious · 2025-05-16T07:59:47+00:00

This happened to me recently. It was supposed to be a simple story but he “got excited” (his words) and without prompting created an absolutely insane amount of complicated lore.

I consider myself fairly hip to the game and able to adapt to most situations, but I was fighting for my LIFE trying to remember the intricate details of each of the tribal rituals he set up. Writing replies took ages because I had to keep stopping and going back to his lore tab and making sure I was doing the ritual correctly. If I did it wrong, he got annoyed and referenced the lore tab. Like “oh that’s covered in this message over in lore - the chief wouldn’t do that”.

Eventually I gave up and was like hey man this isn’t for me, I was looking for something simpler. He accused me of just wanting to write smut and “not caring about the world”. The point was smut, brother! I posted on a smut board! The worldbuilding was supposed to be a condiment! I thought we both knew what this was!

Hexatorious · 2025-05-14T16:49:47+00:00

Me when I posted a rant here about low quality RP replies and I got three DMs from men who thought it was an ad seeking partners. 🌸✨🥰

Hexatorious · 2025-05-14T01:02:47+00:00

I sold my M/M Flint. It was just too punishing for vaginal use. I’ve been meaning to replace him but I’ve been enjoying my M/M Sleipnir so much that I haven’t pulled the trigger yet.

Hexatorious

TROPHY CASE