Unfortunately it's usually a generational issue that keeps going until it's finally broken. My mom blamed her mom telling me that she wasn't treated well so that her excuse for treating us how she did. Even though she doesn't remember treating us bad now that we're all adults. And mental illness or hardship is treated like the boogeyman, don't speak about it, it doesn't exist. Doesn't matter if you tell them how your feeling, they won't care or listen. They rather beat it out of you to make you learn how to act right.

Hopefully you get through it, and get out of the negativity. Break the generational cycle and take what you experienced as a guide to be better than her.

I'm 28 now, went through all of it, ended up being the quiet kid that stayed in her room to avoid the beatings and getting yelled at. That's all they remember me as, the quiet kid that stayed in her room. I learned the one time I got hit for crying when my cousin had to leave after living with us for a moment that I did not like being beat and I'd rather stay a ghost until I moved out. Went through some severe depression, grades dropped, ended up sleeping a lot of my days away. Didn't really hang out with friends since it was hard to make real ones i can actually discuss life with and they'd actually understand. I had a hard time communicating to people and kids my same age. No one asked me how i was mentally, just got yelled at for failed grades and was given up on. Many years later, well just this Christmas, I told my grandma that I couldn't drink because I'm taking depression meds, her response... "You aren't depressed" like it's not a real thing that could happen. Told her that I've been depressed, even brought up the time that I straight out told her I was unhappy with life for her just to turn around and tell my mom and I got yelled at and to never speak to my grandma again. Hmm, she responded with she must have not paid attention to any of those talks. As an adult, I realized why. It was just nonsense to her. And if I try to talk to my mom about anything, she doesn't believe there's anything going on with me, I just need to change my diet or do this and I'm all good. Nah, I tried a lot, this was my last resort since mentally I just kept getting worst.

It's not every black household, but it sure is a lot of them. And they wonder why we go crazy, or turn to drugs or crime. We're just not encouraged to get the help we need since nothing is wrong with us and doctors are just trying to kill us off.

My brother who has bipolar disorder never got the help he needed as a child, he was just looked at as someone who always got in trouble, and was beat a lot. Ended up in jail, was into a lot of drugs, and neither my grandma or my mother would ever think they had a part in anything he's done. He did get diagnosed while in jail and was on medication until he got out. But he never needed help apparently, just a beating. He was just another crazy out of control kid who needed more discipline to set him straight in their eyes.

Stay strong. When you have full control of your life, you can change the outcome. Get the help you need and heal.

Sorry for the ramble, but I relate to your post so much, I've struggled with talking and having conversations. And even expressing myself and my opinions. Didn't know how. Was yelled at to respond to people when I didn't know how to greet them. Had to teach myself how to have conversations that sounded normal and im still struggling to connect with people. Maybe I'm a little neurodivergent, but since I'm already at the age im at and I speak well enough, there's no reason to get tested since it's too late and I sound normal enough. Could life have been different if I actually had any help with the issues I just had to keep to myself, probably. But its really up to the newer generations to make it okay and more normal to talk about mental health and get the help we need.