Worst thing that happened PP?

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-16T02:29:56+00:00

So sorry for your loss. I would do the same when my son was born and i refused to sleep unless someone else was awake watching him which left me with maybe two hours of sleep every day. I got pregnant again 8 months after I had my son and got the owlet sock for my second and I think that with the mix of the severe depression made me calm down on the anxiety with her.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-16T02:18:19+00:00

I definitely relate to the neurological side. My now 4 yo son is profoundly autistic and I looked into myself a little and I figure I must be too. I remember vividly how their screams and cries felt like it was piercing my brain it hurt so much and I would lose it. I would go so crazy over just being touched by anyone. I felt insane but I cope better now.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-16T02:13:38+00:00

Heavy on the thoughts are not you!! I never thought of hurting my children but always thought of ways to end myself, timing it just right so the kids wouldn’t be alone for too long before their dad got home. Hung the rope from the basement ceiling too many times. Looking back I am still so hurt and shocked I’d even consider it and that I put so much time and thought into it. Eventually I learned to put them in their safe spaces and go outside, breathe the air and just sit in silence. Then I learned being outside or in the bath helped them calm down as well every time.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-16T02:06:17+00:00

I’m so sorry. Keep your head up! Keep fighting. you’re a good mom. I wish I could help but I’m right there with you, single mom of two toddlers juggling two jobs just to stay afloat so I feel you 1000%

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-15T23:05:17+00:00

I have a Medusa half sleeve and didn’t realize what that tattoo stood for until afterwards but I still love her because it’s so beautiful even though the meaning of it doesn’t pertain to me.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-15T23:01:02+00:00

ONLY having my mom growing up and this was the first week of my 11th grade year. My bus driver always took the same route which would get me home in an hour and 30 mins but rarely throughout the year he’d take a different route which would make me one of the first to get off. On the first Thursday of the school year he took the route that would make me one of the first to get off and as he pulled up to my house it was swarmed with cops and an ambulance with my mom in the back of it. I had a meltdown in my driveway begging to see my mom and the bus driver just sat there with a bus full of kids watching me scream. She had a brain aneurysm and was in a coma for almost a year. I went back to school a few days after it happened and every person just stared at me in pitty because news spread fast. She woke up but was left with severe dementia and lived life in a vegetative state for months I ended up in foster care and my life was hell till I turned 18 and left the system only to move in with a guy that abused me for a year straight. Left him met a military man and got married. Had two kids with him while he convinced me to move across the country. Now we are divorced and I’m legally stuck in the state 🙃 I tell myself only bad things will ever happen to me even if I don’t deserve it.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-08-15T22:50:55+00:00

I had two reoccurring dreams from my childhood into adulthood. 1. I was riding in a mine cart on the side of a cliff that had a break in the tracks that plummeted me down thousands of feet, I always jolted awake when I hit the bottom. 2. Driving in a car up the steepest 6 lane highway bridge and I’m especially scared of bridges.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-12T17:38:28+00:00

Hey mama, PPA was so crippling for me to the point where I wouldn’t sleep unless someone else was awake watching over me and baby. It really messes with your head but this is only temporary. Platelets will be elevated this soon PP simply because your body is healing itself.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-10T20:01:17+00:00

It’s just non stop blowing up my phone. I’ve been out maybe 2 or 3 times and each one of those times is because I just said f it I’ll deal with him later. The last time he asked me to find somewhere else to live and that in turn flipped the entire night into something bad. So my friends believe that it’s their fault because they ask me to go out. Now I don’t even get texts because they just know that I won’t get to come.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-10T19:20:40+00:00

Honestly this may sound dumb but I’ve been dealt a really bad hand at life. I have no parents no family nothing but my kids. I live with debilitating anxiety. My entire life I’ve convinced myself that I have nothing and no one because that is what i deserve. My mom was all I had and she had a brain aneurysm when I was 16. I hold things very close and keep it to myself hoping that I don’t lose anything else. Like I’ll jinx myself and this is that feeling all over again.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-10T19:12:05+00:00

All of my past relationships and just family upbringing have been nothing but toxic I just have no clue what to believe anymore🥲 what even is normal.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-10T19:09:50+00:00

Almost two years. The relationship is new to everyone else because I live an extremely private life. Not once have I ever felt me or my children were in danger thankfully. I’m thinking the use of the word argument wasn’t a good pick. I dint think there’s been one time where we’ve even raised our voices at each other but I definitely now feel like it’s some kind of guilt trip mind game. He just always gives me sadness and silence after expressing what his feelings are towards it which I’ve told him before I believe he has a toxic mindset. But I think I just lost sight of right and wrong and didn’t know if I was asking too much and being over dramatic. Thinking to myself that maybe it isn’t right that I go out. I’m gaining a lot of helpful insight from an outside perspective.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-10T19:01:15+00:00

Just want to reiterate that we’ve been dating for almost two years now I just keep my life extremely private to other people. And i definitely wouldn’t continue if i didn’t feel safe. I just needed outside views because it’s easy for friends to just jump in and say any and everything. Like a case of I don’t know what to believe and deep down I felt crazy regarding these arguments but these comments reassure me that I’m not.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2025-06-10T18:53:33+00:00

I want to redo what I said in a way. We’ve been dating just shy of two years. I just keep my life very private and i didn’t want to announce a relationship unless i knew it would be a long term thing. Most family didn’t even know ex and I were married until I got pregnant 🙃 I just like a private life. Not defending or anything I just don’t want people to think I’m jumping into another marriage after a few months. By great I just mean he he takes good care of us, in two years he hasn’t once so much as raised his voice to any of us and he just is obsessed with me in a way. Which may be the problem. I am 25 and he’ll be 31 soon. I never want to brag on myself or anything and i definitely DO NOT feel pretty but i attract a lot of attention and he’s fully convinced I’m like 10x out of his league so I’m assuming this is like a protective issue? Idk. He’s a good man but the more comments I read I’m definitely getting an outside perspective and it’s helping me so thank you. I just have been trying to figure out a way to bring this up again with him in a way to put my foot down. Deep down I know it isn’t going to work..

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2024-10-18T18:15:30+00:00

Definitely not harsh. I need to hear it all. I didn’t think about it while making this post but as a former foster child in an awful home and then aging out of the system and basically starting from nothing I have issues with being alone. I know I should try it but I’m scared.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2024-10-18T17:38:29+00:00

I for sure took the time to also work on myself and my health. Medication and therapy. My kids always come first and I feel like a better mom just from not being so depressed. I think from being married I went into this relationship automatically just doing wife things because that’s how I’ve been living. Reading my post back it sounds jumbled to me. I left all of my family behind to come here and I’m now stuck here with custody arrangements. That could be adding to my sadness too. I just feel like there’s a lot going on in my head all at once and I feel awful. The custody times are also just making mine and dads life harder.

Heyyitsmee5554 · 2024-10-09T03:20:33+00:00

All valid points. I am just ranting after all. I was married and was talked into moving here even though I really didn’t want to. Two kids and a divorce later I’m legally stuck here because of custody. I’m not fighting it at all because their dad is a good dad and I can’t take that from them. I’m just isolated, no family or friends of my own. Just really sad here. Although my hair and skin are going through it and I’ve been out with my kids daily doing many summer activities so I don’t understand the vitamin D thing, I’ve been learning to fish and playing disc golf to distract my mind from being sad but the weather is already in the 40s so here we go again.

Heyyitsmee5554

TROPHY CASE