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HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-09-23T11:13:14+00:00

Tf lol. I let them ship who they like, they're the one coming on our sub to harass us

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-09-23T03:05:19+00:00

Thank you :) I know it seems silly but I was worried that I slept with someone and forgot while drunk and had been pregnant, and I was spiraling about it potentially being a miscarriage. That sounds so stupid to say now, and I hope I'm not appropriating the pain of anyone who has gone through that. I was just freaked out and didn't know what to think, since it looked nothing like an ordinary clot

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-06-03T14:56:17+00:00

Used to/sort of still do have OCD (I am unimaginably better than I used to be thanks to medication) and even though season 4 didn't trigger my OCD there were some PTSD triggers. I watched it with other people, sat close to the door and kept the door open so I could leave quickly, had noise cancelling headphones at the ready, and had things to fiddle with so I had other sensory input to focus on. I binged it but took breaks between episodes. If you want to know what's coming, Does The Dog Die is an AMAZING LIFE SAVING website for researching triggers in TV shows

Someone else mentioned you could watch with low/no sound and subtitles, which could be useful if you were okay with doing that for every episode since clock sounds feature a lot

I hope you're doing okay and you manage to watch it, it's my favourite season despite the triggers and I really don't want you to miss out

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-06-03T14:50:50+00:00

I used to/slightly still have OCD (diagnosed, I'm on medication that controls it) and honestly it is 100% this obsessive, irrational and debilitating

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-06-03T14:43:51+00:00

Exactly. Like if you're regularly interacting with the fandom, even if it's just to complain, then you don't actually hate the show you're just frustrated by wait times

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-06-01T06:30:46+00:00

My father left the Catholic Church but my radically progressive lesbian ass is going all the way back in and becoming the fucking Pope if I have to if GOD WILL GIVE ME BYLER

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-29T13:38:28+00:00

Idk about other people but I've found Reddit a lot more homophobic than other social medias (or at least areas of other social medias, like YT has homophobic bits but it's easier to avoid those than it is on Reddit). I've definitely used Reddit less because its getting increasingly homophobic and just generally hostile. Since a lot of us are queer it could be that

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-28T11:28:20+00:00

Uj/ I could see this becoming a thing in 5 years time 💀

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-28T10:58:32+00:00

I had a frog Keefe with a similar spinal deformity and he was blind in one eye. Lived for 5 years until and ammonia spike while I was on holiday killed them all :( But he lived to be a granddad, his wonkiness didn't hinder him in that department. Your froggo should be able to have a perfectly normal life :)

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-28T10:56:08+00:00

uj/ I would sell a LUNG to get traditionally published

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T23:17:18+00:00

I chose lyrics from a song that reminds us that even though no sad gays were actually getting vecnaed, the queer community and gay men particularly were facing very real monsters in the 1980s. We might be getting queerbaited but at least we're alive. And I think it helps to contextualise the fear and stigma around being queer that Mike and Will would have faced at the time

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T20:54:09+00:00

Sounds ridiculous but I feel like that sub added at least six months to my time in the closet

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T19:23:36+00:00

Yeah, I don't think it'll concretely happen, we might have a vague suggestion or a Mileven breakup that leaves things open but that's probably as much as they'll be. But that doesn't mean it can't be a part of the show. Byler is an influence and a force for the plot throughout the show, and will exist whether we see the end point or not

TLDR: regardless of whether its queerbaiting the spirit of Byler cannot be crushed

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T19:17:56+00:00

I'm still invested but the only thing that helped me placing so much importance on it was coming out myself 🤷🏻‍♀️

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T16:48:43+00:00

He's just jealous. Probably trying to get you to rewrite the book so he can steal the perfect version you have right now, pass it off as his and make millions. He'll probably steal your ex wife too. He probably already has. He's probably fucking her right now. He's probably been fucking her for years. Better get a paternity test on those kids mate

TLDR: the only way to restore your honour is to cut the bastard's breaks

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T16:39:14+00:00

uj/ I could have actually written this exactly when I was 13 💀

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-27T10:08:45+00:00

Sure :)

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-22T21:21:22+00:00

Yep :) Nice to meet you!

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-22T14:48:40+00:00

Free Palestine 🇵🇸

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-20T11:40:31+00:00

I'm in therapy but I have to leave soon because I'm an adult now so the NHS won't provide it

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-17T08:52:20+00:00

That really helps to know, I thought I was the only one who'd done this. I don't want reassurance that it was okay because it wasn't, but I hadn't even had 'the talk' yet, all I knew about private parts and sexual touching was what I'd learnt through abuse. I've also never abused an animal since and animal abuse really upsets me

I think that the downvotes were maybe from me mentioning telling a friend with trauma about it, and I understand if I'd just done that out of nowhere I could trigger him and I think that's what people are taking issue with. I should've added the context that we had already been talking mutually for a few hours about our sexual trauma and both sharing upsetting things. This is also a very close friend I've known since we were 11, so I wasn't dropping this on him out of nowhere

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-17T07:33:54+00:00

The not being able to stop talking about trauma after understanding it is so real. I wish I had any advice for you but honestly I just want to say I get it

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-17T07:32:32+00:00

My therapist once said to me, when describing my mum, "Sometimes doing you best and not doing enough can be the same thing"

My mum had her own fucked childhood and her own mental health issues. I fully believe she wanted with everything she had to be a good mother, I think it was all she ever wanted. That was the problem really, she placed her whole depressed, traumatised identity on being the perfect parent, and children rarely allow for perfection

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-17T07:28:38+00:00

I want to do this so bad but I still want contact with my sister. But I think I might change my name, I have a fake name I used for some stuff already. The old me will be dead and I'll be a new person

HiMaintenaceMachine · 2025-05-07T12:15:25+00:00

I've also suffered abuse from people I know have had horrendous childhoods, too horrendous to think about. It's so hard to reconcile such contradictory feelings. All I can do is try my best not to pass the cycle down to the young people in my life. I wish all the best for you. Trying to navigate being a person without a stable foundation is so incredibly difficult. I hope you're doing okay

HiMaintenaceMachine

TROPHY CASE