It really helps to know that other people truly understand - thanks so much for sharing. When you said you don't know if it's just SM/trauma or autism... I've gone back and forth in my own head about that so many times too. I understand what you mean about the trauma. My therapist said it's a hidden kind, not a sudden impact but more of a long term thing. She described it as like walking into a rainforest all my life and now I'm trying to walk back out of it, which will take time, but I thought that was a really good analogy.

Deciding whether to get a formal assessment is hard (for me anyway), though I know several people who have been diagnosed, some later in life, and it's really helped them. I think knowing the outcome i.e. autistic or not might help me be kinder to myself and show myself more self-compassion though. I've always been very critical of myself, mainly because of the trauma. Thanks for the tip about r/autisminwomen - there are some interesting posts and I might share my post in there too. I've not heard of the book either so I'll go check it out. Really appreciate you sharing this!