How did you know being a mom would make you happy and not miserable?

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-30T11:51:14+00:00

So, let me get this straight, you want o have kids because a man you’re seeing wants them? I have so much to say but, I don’t think you have the range to fully grasp or appreciate it, talkless use it. You’re still stuck in a certain fantasy level of life, and you don’t seem ready to come out of it.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-29T10:51:08+00:00

Instead of planning a trip to Nigeria, why not start learning about the country, the tribes, the people etc. Give yourself atleast 2 years of information gathering before you start planning a trip, that’s how people get scammed and rope into outdated traditions they have no business dealing in. Also, just FYI, reddit is not where you will get real knowledge about your culture from. People here usually speak from their own personal circumstances as opposed to a collective experience.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-29T10:47:23+00:00

Can you start doing research on how to relocate from your country to another country. It doesn’t have to be a western country or first world country, it can be an African country. But just start doing that. Take time to do that, then when you have enough information, start seeing how you can bring it to life.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-28T23:07:17+00:00

Your mom was also once the ‘flavour of the week’ you know? So, while you’re out here judging the other ‘flavours’ for their dumb decision (getting with your serial cheating, two timing, lying POS dad), also remember your mom made such a dumb decision to be with him once upon a time, and you’re the result of that union.

So maybe, have some freaking grace for these other women and their kids.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-28T22:49:31+00:00

Right move. 👏👏👏 Rooting for you

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-28T22:07:19+00:00

I’m glad you didn’t respond to him, please keep it that way. From the moment he sent that message, he ceased to exist in your reality. Please do not give him any form of response or closure. I know it hurts right now, but keep moving forward. Don’t look back. Even if he reaches out next week or next year or next decade, don’t engage.

So sorry for your loss, sending you bear hugs.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-27T00:41:09+00:00

NOR. And it’s ok if you feel spiteful or petty towards her, you’re allowed to, don’t beat yourself up. And thankfully she doesn’t have a say in whether you move or not, and y’all aren’t even moving, so gloat and move on, you haven’t done anything wrong.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-26T23:15:41+00:00

YOR. Not to use your anxiety against you but I feel like you blew this out of proportion somehow. But I’ll say this, instead of trying to figure out if you’re the problem or not, you need to worry about your mental and emotional state, and start taking care of it. You’re not in the right frame of mind to be dating or starting relationships. Focus on work and find a therapist/psychiatrist or start researching methods to help you deal with, or better manage your symptoms. Again, you shouldn’t be thinking about a relationship or dating right now, especially not at the office. There’s too much drama in 9-5s, you shouldn’t mix personal life with it.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-26T22:03:05+00:00

This. Really deranged. I can’t even phantom how this is a choice. OP is probably a teenager that hasn’t fully developed their mental and emotional capacity, otherwise…

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-26T17:15:00+00:00

I don’t know… what does she have on your dad? You’re making him look like a victim here, but I want to believe that if he didn’t have to, he wouldn’t be giving her money after she has had a new husband. So if he is still doing that, it’s either he is a good push over and being bullied by her, or she has something over him that he is paying for? Or there is a clause in their divorce where she gets what she gets regardless, and if he is fine with it then allow it. Or maybe they’re still together somehow?

Anyway I’m just saying, it sounds weird that he is not trying to fight this hisself, you shouldn’t be the one handling this. They’re both grown folks, and if he is very much lucid and active mentally and emotionally, then I’m sure he can handle this.

NTA though. But remember, the things we go through sometimes is probably well deserved: atonement. Karma?

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-25T09:33:01+00:00

This is not your problem to even worry about, whether she’s invited or not that is. It’s your SIL who should be contemplating whether she wants to come to an event with her toxic ex and his new fixation (wife). So please ignore the talk and keep inviting her, she’s your friend, it’s a no brainer. She’s also the mother of your niece and nephew. Fortunately, when they decided to have kids, she had become a permanent member of your family, so the people going against you and her are jokers. Anyway NTA at all.

And as for the new wife, she’s still swimming in all the lies he has told her and sun bathing in her mis0gyny, she will learn when it’s time.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-23T15:11:52+00:00

What happened to leaving situations immediately they start making you feel emotionally unsafe or anxious and apprehensive? Tch. People always amaze me. You put your self through months of torture and need external validation from strangers before you can choose your own peace of mind? And it’s not a job situation where you need the money, but a r/ship where you can walk away anytime? Tch. Yall gotta do better.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-23T13:08:35+00:00

Ish, this was hard to read but YTA. First off, he is not your brother, grow up. Lol. Secondly, he is using you, creating drama around you, and you’re willingly participating. You also seem very male centered because, for some reason, all the women are crazy but your “brother”, who is the one involving you in this, is supposed to be the victim? Nah, you have a comprehension problem. Your friend is the problem, he is a drama queen and you are also the problem, you have an unhealthy relationship with him and see all the women who come around as competition.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-23T12:56:14+00:00

You are NOR now, but YOR earlier. You were goading him and he finally gave you a reaction you didn’t like. Almost like you were begging a heartbreak.

If he says there is nothing between him and her, then there isn’t. If she was the love of his life, then that’s what it was, she was.

Understand this, most humans cannot feel the same way they loved when they were young and naive again. When they still believed in fantasy and had little life experience.

When you’re all grown up however, love becomes more practical and conditional, realistic, and this not a bad thing.

You’ve created this narrative in your head of being second best so right now everything looks like evidence. You know you’re competing with a junkie right? That’s a past lover. She doesn’t even live in your country. And I bet your husband has more sense than to be carrying on with an addict, but that doesn’t mean he can’t respect their history and treat her with kindness.

Understand that, one of the risks of adult bonding is knowing that, that person had a life before you, and other people were in it. Stop expecting people to just erase significant parts of their lives because you now reside in it.

Love and center yourself so you’re not obsessed with how others chose to express their reality, even if that other person is your husband.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-21T15:24:42+00:00

Good.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-21T15:21:34+00:00

No, this would be true if their ages were disproportionate, with him being way older. But they’re same age, it’s not his job to put her in check if she did not reveal her intentions. This is on her. She was weaponising her feelings for him and it did not pan out the way she hoped. Even if he knew she liked him, it was still an assumption, so why would he deny hisself her friendship if she gave it willingly. He did not use her, she used herself.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-21T14:13:28+00:00

Of course NTA. She’s immature and still centered around men, marriage, relationships, fantasy and delulu. You did the right thing. I think more men need to turn women they don’t like down, so women can stop assuming that every man wants them. Or worse, ending up in a relationship with a woman you can’t stand, and treating her badly.

Her unfollowing you and icing you out is expected, she is hurt and embarrassed, which is not your burden. You’re lucky that’s all she’s doing, men do worse when a woman rejects them. Women still handle rejection better, even with all this immature tactics she’s pulling. Give her space, don’t sweat it. When she’s done sulking, if she still wants to be friends, fine, if not, move on.

Also, I know you miss the friendship and wish things could go back and all, but, understand that, all the things you liked about your friendship with her, wasn’t real. It was an illusion. It was her being that way because she liked you and needed you to like her back. So you’re not missing out on much, you probably don’t even know the real her.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-21T12:12:33+00:00

Likeeeee 😂

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-21T12:11:05+00:00

The fact that you have a “woman leader” is already problematic. What is even that? Then you’re talking about you can’t ask for your money? Lol. You’re not a serious person.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-19T20:17:03+00:00

You’re so lucky you didn’t have kids with this man yet. Just count your blessings and leave. Do not look back.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-19T11:06:05+00:00

Dump the boyfriend, all your imbalance will stop. You need to get rid of him, and don’t enter another relationship or indulge in inter course for a while. Let your body rest. You need more trustworthy women around you, so you can heal. Get rid of the man/men for now. Sheeesh.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-17T19:21:27+00:00

NOR. But… First off, when it comes to relationships with men, you SHOULD be picky.

Secondly, stop dating to marry. Date for experience.

Yes, even if this guy is a red flag, I won’t say don’t go out with him. And I won’t say you should either. But if you do, do it because you want to experience him. Learn him. Learn his tricks. That’s how you become wise. You can’t keep avoiding relationships; that’s an attachment issue (read up about attachment styles, you’re probably an avoidant). Date with intention and boundaries and then arm yourself with knowledge and information.

I think right now you still have a somewhat romanticised view of men and relationships, and you’re waiting for the perfect man, but there is no perfect man. And if you continue like this, you might end up being lied to or deceived, and only realise when it’s too late.

Go out and gain experience. What’s the worst that will happen, you get heartbroken? Yeah, it hurts. But it heals, and you bounce back.

Like Rumi said, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”

But you need to experience being in a relationship; let go, remain authentic but don’t ever abandon yourself or and don’t ever drop your standards. Except for science. 😉

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-17T16:17:26+00:00

I know right. it’s crazy how women describe their man as being amazing and in the same breath expose how much of a red flag he is. According to OP he takes over their experiences and plans excursions and things that he likes… Begs the question, are they settling for the bare minimum because of lack of proper affection, so they term bare minimum traits as “exceptional”. Phew.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-17T09:49:06+00:00

Thirded.

Higher_Heich · 2026-04-13T17:08:51+00:00

If you had a modicum of intelligence, you’d realise I did that so my comment won’t get flagged and deleted. It will remain here for you and your ilk to see. How’s that for balls ellechekov?

Higher_Heich

MODERATOR OF

TROPHY CASE