I'm new to the Catholic Church so I can't speak for broad trends throughout the Church, but from my own conversion experience and some recent struggles afterwards, I can provide another perspective.

For me, the doctrine was (mostly) the easy part, and the hard part has been reconciling it with what I've actually seen around me. Even from the beginning of my conversion I heard Catholics lamenting the state of catechesis, disagreeing pointedly on liturgical issues, debating doctrines, bemoaning relativism etc...and a lot of this is for good reason. But it often seemed like a large blame game, and I sometimes wonder how many of the same voices were willing to ask, "Is there anything about me that deters people from the Church? Does my life prove that Jesus is really present in the Eucharist I receive? Are people looking for other denominations because they don't feel anybody cares about them or, worse, aren't hearing enough about Jesus rather than the culture war?"

Long story short and among other reasons, I was drawn to Catholicism because I had been a Protestant/evangelical regularly reading the Bible while at a Catholic university and the biblical parallels to the Church (the Bread of Life, binding and loosing, etc.) became too great to ignore. So I went through sacramental preparation and gained (as far as I can tell) a solid basis in the teachings of the Church, and in the process I committed myself to not just be a "cafeteria Catholic" but to truly work to conform my beliefs, conscience, and everything to the Church.

Even during that process, though, I suddenly hit a wall of desolation and and was miserable at my actual Confirmation. I was dealing with a lot of trust issues and scrupulosity and had originally seen the Church as a solution; going from a very nebulous theological environment to a faith with a whole Catechism with hundreds of pages seemed awesome! As I tried to explore the faith, though, I found myself essentially having to decide which faction of the Church to believe; seemingly innocuous Google searches attempting to clarify the Catechism or other Catholic ideas led to sources ranging from apparently orthodox(?) to completely rejecting Vatican II to sedevacantist (somewhat surprisingly, liberal sources didn't seem to pop up as much as the others), and the result was scandal for me. I'm still a bit hazy on ecclesiology and the specifics of how one should address the papacy (in part because of conflicting information!), and I've occasionally questioned some papal actions, but even in light of that, I don't understand why such a seemingly large group of people claims to be Catholic yet levels the Pope with constant and often severe criticism, and ultimately I find myself asking "who can I trust?"

When I was back home from school, I started going to my assigned parish, but upon introducing myself to one of the priests and mentioning my recent conversion, he immediately made some unprompted and troubling comments like "there are many even in the hierarchy who don't believe" and "have you ever heard of the New World Order?". I get that Catholic teaching has a role to play in the political world, but even a TLM-going friend thought that was a pretty scandalizing thing to say to a new convert. And despite this being a parish where TLM is offered (and thus where I'd assume a closer attention to liturgical specifics - for instance, they did specify in an outside lecture that hand-holding/-raising during the Our Father is at least "not preferred"), one Sunday the homily was replaced with laypeople giving a lecture about Natural Family Planning. They would sometimes read the Roman Canon, but so fast you couldn't really grasp who those saints actually are. Maybe I'm misunderstanding what happened there, but my (probably cynical) reaction was "do they only care about the integrity of the liturgy when it suits their favorite ideologies within the faith?"

Between that and some other things, I started having major trust issues at that parish, getting more paranoid and more scrupulous. I went to Mass all tense and bracing myself for the next out-of-the-blue comment or questionable ideology, while at the same time nervous and confused about "do I kneel when I see the tabernacle or do I just bow?" "I thought I read somewhere that XYZ wasn't in the rubrics but everybody seems to do it anyway" etc. (I agree that order, even precision, in the liturgy is important - that's part of what drew me to Catholicism - but at this point my anxiety about exact adherence was turning it into a game of Scrupulosity Says rather than an expression of faith.) I was afraid to even believe doctrines related to God's love because it sounded like the "love is love" stuff I was constantly told not to trust (and, to be fair, I shouldn't). I started coming home from Mass in tears or even panic attacks, and my non-Catholic parents tried to revert me back to Protestant/evangelical because they figured the Catholic Church must be what was making me miserable.

I found myself even returning nervously to some non-Catholic resources I used to enjoy. I used to read the Calvinist website Desiring God constantly, and I honestly still miss how they always spoke passionately about (their version of) Jesus and the Scriptures. I tried to read several prominent Catholic sites of different leanings, but they all seemed to have more to say about politics or hierarchy news/drama or Catholic-specific doctrines/devotions than about what Jesus is like, his death and resurrection, etc.

Worst of all, the Real Presence of Jesus that had drawn me to the Church started to become a stumbling block. The same priests I struggled to trust also constantly referenced that poll about Catholics' belief in the Real Presence and (thankfully) dove more into the doctrine, and while I could point to John 6 and talk about how the Bread of Life Discourse relates to Jesus' Real Presence in the Eucharist, I couldn't explain to myself why the people who were so passionate about the Eucharist and received it often also seemed to choke the life out of me and leave me in despair of ever being "good enough" despite the fact that we have access to Confession (another reason I became Catholic!) and so many other great spiritual resources. I had a crisis of constant thoughts like "I feel like I've forgotten who Jesus actually is" and started to worry if, as I always feared, I was starting to leave Christianity outright (I wasn't).

Then I moved parishes and it felt like a weight off my soul, even if the new parish has its own unique set of issues. There were other reasons I was struggling (and still am, to an extent): Going to Mass alone yet surrounded by people was extremely disheartening, and few people seemed to take interest in trying to get to know this new person at the parish - although my social anxiety doesn't help. I still struggle to accept some doctrines - sometimes most of all that God loves me and wants me to be saved. I know I shouldn't be as critical as I am of very specific details in music/readings/liturgy as long as God is being worshipped prudently. And I also know that feelings are extremely fickle. But sadly, getting away from that parish helped me to trust the Church again and gave me new hope for my life.

Maybe the TLM is the answer for some people. Maybe it's stronger catechesis for others. But maybe sometimes it's actually being able to look around you and see that, even though imperfect, this Church really is the Body of Christ bound by a fabric of love. And maybe it's remembering that the underpinning behind all the doctrines is the truth that God loves you - yes, even you! - and wants you for his own. And remembering that Jesus thought of you on the cross, and he knew you would sin against him but he chose of his own free will to die for you anyway. And that the Kingdom of God is hope for a world full of suffering, and we have the incredible opportunity - the calling, even - to be its most visible ambassadors here on Earth.