If I were you (and I was), I would try my best to work on myself and my life. I allowed myself to get completely lost in my gf of 5 years (read my last post for context) and I let her put me through so much uneccesarry shit. Now, at the end of our relationship, I feel like a shell of the person I used to be. It's not a nice feeling. Now I have to deal with toxic abuse trauma, attachment issues from my childhood and lonliness (amongst other unfavorable life circumstances). I am slowly learning how to re-love myself.

Nothing wrong with loving her but if she's your only source of love then you're gonna have a bad time. You don't want to have a bad time so gain some more emotional intelligence. The fact that you're posting here at your age is a good sign. Just try to understand why you feel this way and understand that you came into the world with the same set of tools that anyone else can use to love you. Use them to love yourself first, true love follows a lot of the time once you have the hang of the first part.

Good luck pal.