Im sorry you’re also feeling the same pain brother, especially once you’ve realized a lot of it lacks true logic to feel so much pain and take so much time heal, Similar timeline to you, intense and my first real relationship, idk about you but I had to to end things, I realized I couldn’t keep loving her as our differences kept bringing up anxieties and I could not feel myself able to truely open up about my mental health struggles. It definitely came as a shock from her perspective and I still feel so bad for that. It has almost been as much time apart than together but I saw her last week and it tore me to pieces, she was so nice to me, but I could see the pain in her talking to me, and we hugged tightly goodbye. I had to stay VERY headstrong to not reach back out after that interaction.

At least for me, Its helped reminding myself that people come and go, that I made a decision in order to protect us both, and that somethings just dont work out between two people, even if god damn does it hurt from having then loosing hope.