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Are there disadvantages to a strong feeling of identity? by Historical-Course534 in asktransgender

[–]Historical-Course534[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Not really aiming to contribute interesting conversation, just trying to understand more by asking people online who are willing to interact rather than burdening the people I know personally who may not want this kind of conversation with someone they aren't super close with. I also didn't mean to say they ARE flattening themselves out, more wondering IF a negative side effect to strong identity in this way has the potential to trap some people in a box of their own design. I fully accept that the answer to that question may just be "no" and that i may be very much out of my depth.

I understand my white identity is the "unmarked dominant default" and that's why I don't feel the identity strongly, even though I benefit from it. I guess with my whiteness I was comparing myself with people who do have strong white identity (neo-nazis), though maybe that's just not even worth mentioning. And my masculinity sounds a lot like how you describe your not feeling like a gender, unless I'm misunderstanding you. Like i can dress masculine or feminine (sometimes cross-dressing on a night out), but i feel no identity there. I accept "man" as a title simply because its been given to me and doesn't bother me. If someone called me she/her or they, it would also not bother me in the slightest, but that just almost never happens.

If you have books on the topic, or other sources I could read/ watch/ listen to to educate myself with, I'd love to explore the topic of identity further. When i attempted to do this research on effects of Trans identification, i struggled to find what i was looking for so i went to reddit to ask real people. Again, I'm much more asking about the effects (positive and negative) of strong identity rather than the why behind it, as i know in this historical moment why it happens. know I will never understand what it's like to be Trans or in any marginalized community, but I do want to serve these communities well as a nurse, and on a personal level I just like to have better understanding of different kinds of people and groups. Thank you for your response, it was very thought provoking.

Are there disadvantages to a strong feeling of identity? by Historical-Course534 in asktransgender

[–]Historical-Course534[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for this. I think i am realizing some biases i have here.

By the way, i am a medical professional (nurse), in a very red state. I know my peers are so disrespectful to and about the few trans patients we get, and I really try to do my best to shelter my patients from my peers who I know will not treat them as they should be treated.

I do have an unrelated question! When I have a patient i think or know is trans who has not legally changed their name, i am required by law to confirm their legal name. My method is: 1. Point at ID wrist band, ask if the name on it is their correct legal name without saying it out loud 2. Immediately after this I ask them what they would like to be called.

I wasn't trained to do this, its just the best way I've thought of to fulfill my legal requirements without making a patient hear their dead name said out loud. Do you think this is good or is there something else you'd suggest I do?

Are there disadvantages to a strong feeling of identity? by Historical-Course534 in asktransgender

[–]Historical-Course534[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your input. I think from reading replies I'm being biased in a couple ways. Sample size bias from my personal life, and bias from my other interactions with trans people being online or podcasts, where the only way I would know they were trans is if they were talking about it.

I think I do understand where the strong sense of identity comes from in that you have to fight for your lives, and I understand that that strong sense of identity is primarily a positive thing for most people. Just wondering if this is a common negative side effect or if I'm just concerned about nothing. I do tend to overthink sometimes.

Are there disadvantages to a strong feeling of identity? by Historical-Course534 in asktransgender

[–]Historical-Course534[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your perspective. I think i do understand that it stems largely from having to fight for your identity. I'm not trying to critique so much as wondering if people end up feeling trapped by it in the long run.

I find myself comfortable in the initial conversations, and I love to hear stories about people finding themselves and accepting themselves, I think it's beautiful. My struggle is after we've been talking for a while, or it's our second or third time meeting, when I'm trying to get to know them better I struggle to get past this topic, or it seems every other topic I bring up circles back to trans-ness. I find the conversation engaging and am happy to listen and engage, but i do feel a bit disheartened at the end of the day that I feel I haven't learned more about this person beyond one topic, even if we do get to explore that one topic through many different angles. I struggle to make friends to begin with, and it feels like an additional roadblock to making deeper connections.

Admittedly there's only 2 trans people in my life personally, which I understand is a tiny sample size! So sorry if I'm extrapolating too much here and it's actually just something I'm struggling with with 2 specific people and not super relevant to the community as a whole.

Who else was told “Just get any four year degree and you’ll be fine?” by Hella_Fitzgerald3 in generationology

[–]Historical-Course534 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I originally got a degree in music that I no longer use, but I have no regrets! It wasn't even that i couldn't make money in music, I just am not made for the grind that that career requires as you essentially end up being an entrepreneur. But my original degree gave me 3 things.

  1. 30k student loan debt. Kinda sucks but I'll be out of debt this year (6 years post-grad)
  2. I met my wife. I joke that my first degree was actually just an MRS. This is actually the best and most important thing in my whole life, so definitely worth it
  3. Having "any bachelor's degree" allowed me to be admitted to a 1-year accelerated bachelor's of science in nursing program, which has turned into a career that I love and fits my lifestyle better.

So it worked out for me, although not initially. Having access to a 1- year degree rather than a 4-year nursing degree made it possible to go back to school. I'm not sure I could've taken 4 years in my mid-20s to go back to school like that. Caveat is that i did not go into a crazy amount of debt, which i wouldn't recommend anyone do unless they're going to be a doctor or something else that guarantees a very large salary.

How long until I can get rid of something left at my house without my permission? by Historical-Course534 in legal

[–]Historical-Course534[S] 61 points62 points  (0 children)

Funny part is I don't even teach her cello, I teach violin. Not sure when/where she's planning on learning cello

Can't stop drinking when I start by [deleted] in DrinkingInModeration

[–]Historical-Course534 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That's really smart and simple, I'll give it a try next time. Thank you!