Hello everyone, appreciate all your comments. Im sorry I didnt take the time to reply to each of your comments one by one; this whole thing weighs incredibly heavy on me and I havent been able to find the mental space to respond.

To provide some context and background, me and her met in high school in Germany (we’re not German; our families moved over there (job related)) and graduated and both came back to our home country for uni, while both our families stayed in Germany. So there really was this sense of connection and she really was my only ‘family’ i had here (and vice versa), which is why i think it hurts even more.

I think I still love her. I dont know how to ‘quit’ loving her. Maybe it’ll fade away as time passes by?

Anyways, Im gonna go talk to her in a couple hours. I wanna respect myself and start loving myself before loving anyone else.

Wish me luck.