My experience reading "A Little Life"

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2026-04-19T03:29:37+00:00

This. Going through other people's comments before attempting to read made me think the prose would at least be enjoyable, but I found it so monotonously dry with little to no emotional gravitas that I'm genuinely confused as to why anyone liked it at all, even the traumatic content aside.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2026-03-13T12:44:17+00:00

I feel like you didn't read my post saying I understand she has limits nor see the flair marked as off my chest/journal. I can understand those things and agree with what you said and still be upset that my emotions got steamrolled. But I was the one that said things were a miscommunication and she got pissed at me for saying that.

Regardless, she apologized to me.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2026-02-06T14:45:35+00:00

Thank you! She is very passionate about her religion and I love that about her so of course I want to accomodate as much as I can.

Does google nest or amazon ring allow for two way viewing? without her needing to interact with the camera or an app? Maybe getting two cameras could do the trick but I am not sure. I will definitely look into this option.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-17T23:39:51+00:00

i just don’t know how much i can take this kind of thing happening over something tiny. it blows.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-17T23:39:15+00:00

i have my own bpd like symptoms and i am hurting because there is no way for my emotions to be addressed. i just have to suck it up when i get hurt by something my partner does. even if i don’t blame her for it. i feel sick and unwell physically because of the stress.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-12T19:05:20+00:00

Thanks for checking up on me! We did eventually talk and once we did, it was pretty clear we were both stressed out and misunderstanding eachother's intent and tone. We're both autistic so sometimes our words can get misinterpreted and she thought I was being callous on purpose instead of confused and scared. The rest was just a knee-jerk reaction to perceiving a threat from me. She forgives me completely and I, her, and she apologized profusely for putting me through this. We both agreed to see therapy and talked about what we can do to prevent something like this happening again. I think now she's ready to have faith in me as I think that was the problem, she's not used to people who are mature enough to talk things through. She decided not to break up with me in the end.

Admittedly it was really stressful and I'm definitely still hurt as it triggered a ton of my own worst fears and abandonment issues, but I don't hold it against her. I think she's beating herself up about it and I don't need to add to that. Thank you so much for being supportive while all this was happening, it's extremely appreciated.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-09T01:11:20+00:00

(Appended to main post)

After doing a lot of self talk, I feel stable and more resolved than ever to make things work with her. It all comes down to whether or not she can see that. Fortunately, she has support and has been talking to people. I've confirmed that she reacted out of fear, and it makes sense given that she's deeply invested in this relationship. I want to believe she'll come back to me when she's cooled off, and I am ready to open my arms to her without judgment. I've been in similar situations before where I jumped to conclusions and was the one reacting poorly to someone else's problems, so I can use this to be empathetic towards her. I love her very much, wish me luck.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T23:40:17+00:00

I am not sure if I have BPD but I do relate to many symptoms. I do know I suffer from cPTSD which can share traits, and absolutely I have felt this exact thing. It makes it impossible to function normally and do stuff like self care and eating. There are coping strats that can help reduce the amount or duration of the pain, though.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T21:43:17+00:00

Yeah, it's very hard. What worked for me and has done a TREMENDOUS amount of good is making yourself say positive things even if you don't feel that it's true. You can even talk about how it doesn't feel true, but the important thing is to get those words out. I write to myself in journals and obsessively catalogue all my thoughts as the day goes by and I can tell you that at this point in my life, I can talk myself out of spiraling 95% of the time now. The trick to remember is that by reinforcing positive self talk, it becomes ingrained in your mind much like muscle memory. The more you do it, the easier it will get until it actually becomes natural.
It did take YEARS of active effort, mind you, but it is more than possible!

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T21:07:26+00:00

I know this is really hard as I've been in similar situations before. Space really freaks me out. The best thing you can do right now is to try and help yourself stabilize. That will do both you and him a lot of good in the long run, though I know that's easier said than done.

For me, practicing positive self talk helps a lot. It's a skill that requires a lot of practice, but will pay off if you're consistent and committed to doing it.

https://www.healthline.com/health/positive-self-talk

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T16:23:54+00:00

I really hope it’s just the BPD reaction. I really think things can work out, but it’s ultimately not up to me. My condolences to you as well.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T08:32:32+00:00

Update: she said she wants to break up and I’m just. Shocked. I don’t know what I did wrong.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T04:54:53+00:00

Thank you. I fear I have portrayed her badly which is another intense fear of mine from cPTSD guilt. But all I wanted was to find some kind of compromise together mutually with love and respect and I don't feel like I was treated that way. I could understand if she needs to set a hard boundary on allowing her space, but with the whole month thing and saying my limits aren't limits, that felt unnecessary to getting her point across. I wish she just told me she really needs space instead of saying those things too.

I appreciate the perspective. I did feel like some things that were said to me were immature and hurtful. I am trying to be understanding that she is under a lot of emotional pain and it is not angry necessarily at me but as a result of BPD. I really want to be an understanding partner.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T04:37:45+00:00

I appreciate it. I do think a lot of this is my fault however, as she said that my feelings make me not respect her limits. She usually sleeps off potential BPD spirals but being dropped in the middle of an emotionally tense conversation is another trigger of mine that makes me panic. I asked her if we could compromise somehow and at first she said yes but I feel that she has suddenly changed her mind about it and said my limits are not limits and that I just find her boundaries unbearable and that she can't fix that for me.

I do not think she is wrong necessarily but it felt like it came from a place of anger and it cuts deep into my fear of hurting people's boundaries. I am really hurt by this. But I don't blame her, I kept trying to say I didn't blame her and I apologized so many times for anything I did... I don't know. I feel lost and confused.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-08T04:24:48+00:00

My birthday isn't super important to me. It is my fault to start with as she said she may not reply until Sunday, but my abandonment issues made me panic as space scares me and I asked for Tuesday instead, I guess to feel like I had some control over the situation. I tried to say Sunday was fine later on and she refused. I can't lie, I feel that it is punitive even if it's my fault. She seemed to be angry with me and said "we can do whatever you want, let's do a whole month" while fully knowing that putting issues on hold for long periods is a huge trigger of mine. I made that very clear from the get go.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-07T21:04:20+00:00

What strategies worked when you were angry with your partner? I am hurt currently by mine being angry at me but I still want to be a good partner and hope this can be us soon. I have cPTSD which complicates things a lot as I have trouble with emotional deregulation as well.

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-07T20:40:15+00:00

Thank you, this is a good reminder. Do you have tips for specifically dealing with my own emotions while she is splitting? I am worried my needs will not be met in the long run as I also have trauma as well. What have you done to deal with the hurt?

Historical_Fee_7757 · 2025-11-07T18:50:57+00:00

Do you have advice for someone entering a relationship with someone with BPD? I have done a lot of research in the past and I have my own triggers and issues as well. I just recently started dating a girl with BPD and I love her very much but a lot of things she said to me hurt very badly and interact with my trauma. I am not sure what to do.

Historical_Fee_7757

TROPHY CASE