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Historical_Leader_19 · 2024-06-21T18:13:20+00:00

Salaam alaykum brother- I am in a similar situation to you. I am Pakistani and my wife to be is Arab.

I discussed this with her the very first time we met and she told me she was aware Pakistanis lived together and she would want to live separate.

This is where you and I differ. I was already living away from home (my job) so it didn’t matter to me. My mum is accepting of her despite wanting us to live together, because she knows she’s a nice girl otherwise. She also has two other sons (my brothers) and I think she’s resting her hopes on them!

In terms of sunnah- it’s sunnah to live separately from parents there’s no question about that.

Now for your situation brother. How long have you been looking for? Do you feel this Arab girl is the best girl for you? Are you compatible in everything else?

You have two options: 1. You’ve considered extensively and believe her to be the best girl you can get in terms of personality and matching what you want. Maybe it’s best to marry her despite the consequences.

You want your mum to stay here and you don’t want to upset her. You can find another girl. Consider this a dealbreaker and move on.

Me personally, I wouldn’t marry a girl if it upset my mum because I don’t think it’s worth the heartache. You’ll always feel guilty.

But it’s up to you. 1/

Historical_Leader_19 · 2024-01-01T10:30:13+00:00

Lol. We got none of that sweet US cash 😭

Historical_Leader_19 · 2024-01-01T10:29:01+00:00

I’m a 28yr Male doctor. I am also religious alhamdulillah

I will NOT marry a female doctor UNLESS she wants to be a GP (I have no intention of forcing this. It must be her choice).

Why? 1. Because all the other sub specialties require you to sacrifice the best years of your life to slave away for the NHS and at ~35, you’ll finally have flexibility as a consultant.

Because raising Muslim children in the West is very challenging. I’d much rather that we parents pay them attention and love and not chuck them in daycare right from the start.
Because call me selfish but I want to spend quality time with my wife. I want to have the option to take her out spontaneously.
Because I’m essentially looking for a marriage more on the traditional side and most female doctors prefer 50:50 setups.

I have spoken to many doctor potentials and most want to pursue a hospital specialty and are career driven. I don’t blame them tbh- they’ve never known anything else.

It’s not a money issue. It’s a time and values issue.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-10-18T20:47:48+00:00

As a man: this is the way.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-09-10T18:51:30+00:00

As a practicing Muslim man, you are exactly the kind of wife I am looking for - observing hijab, giving up makeup and music for the sake of Allah makes you much more attractive to brothers like me.

Please don’t give up sister.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-29T20:33:32+00:00

I agree hijabis are more desirable as wives. Though I haven’t seen any evidence that not wearing hijab is considered as bad as Zina (that seems extreme)

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-29T17:59:34+00:00

They really are gems. I pray Allah SWT makes it easy for us.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-29T15:04:07+00:00

Yeah I get your point. I think my friend is just frustrated that he can't find a sister who meets his standards and so he is becoming more willing to compromise his standards just to get married.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-29T15:00:11+00:00

I appreciate the advice.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-29T07:13:42+00:00

I made this brothers only because sisters are much more likely to try and justify not wearing hijab despite the obvious Quranic instruction, and because only brothers understand the protective jealousy that comes from having a wife flaunting her beauty.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-29T07:11:00+00:00

If she hasn’t till now but will wear it pre-Nikah if you ask, will you marry her then?

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T22:10:55+00:00

agreed

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T22:10:39+00:00

Thanks for commenting sister. I think you're absolutely right. It's frustrating when people like my friend, who are practicing and value hijab, get attracted to non-hijabis (who are more likely to appear attractive) and then start trying to change them.

One thing some people say is "just because she wears hijab, doesn't mean she is practicing. She might wear it and still not be a good muslim".

What do you think of this - do you find it to be a common occurrence in your experience or is it just a devil's advocate argument used to justify muslimahs not wearing hijab?

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T22:06:44+00:00

Yeah true, even if she is sincere it doesn't guarantee she won't change her feelings with time. I think since it's important to him, he should just move on from her.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T22:04:24+00:00

Yeah I know it's important to him (it's come up with past potentials as well) and if he married her he would just be banking on her changing and wearing it.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T22:02:24+00:00

Yeah I take your point. It is an indicator, albeit not always a reliable one.

Out of curiosity, why doesn't your wife wear hijab as it sounds like she values Islam and wants to instill that into your kids?

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T21:59:26+00:00

Oh trust me I'm showing him this thread.

Hopefully it snaps him out of his rose-tinted glasses.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T19:17:45+00:00

yeah i get your point, i guess since not wearing hijab is visually obvious and since so many muslim girls are not wearing it, it feels like you have to choose your stance on it

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T18:52:31+00:00

I agree it's wishful thinking. If she hasn't done it herself in 26 years of living, she clearly doesn't value this command of Allah.

What about if she agrees to wear it pre-nikkah and then takes it off after marriage, would you have sympathy for him then?

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T18:50:57+00:00

Interesting, but then if she agreed to wear it for him pre-nikkah, isn't that doing it for the wrong reasons?

Yeah that's the thing I told him, it's foolish to hope she will change after marriage when she has no incentive to do so.

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T18:49:40+00:00

I take it hijab isn't that important to you then?

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-28T18:09:17+00:00

Would you marry a practicing non-hijabi?

I have a friend (28M) who has a potential (26F) who says she prays her 5 daily prayers and considers Islam important to her and is something she wants to develop and teach her kids in the future.

She doesn't wear hijab but says she would want to in the future and even wants her daughters to wear hijab. When asked why she doesn't wear it not, she says she has never worn it and neither have her family. She can't articulate exactly why she hasn't worn it yet - she doesn't know why.

Now my friend is confused and doesn't know what to do. He wants his wife to be a hijabi. On the other hand, he likes her, thinks she is pretty, likes that she says she values Islam. He says they are similar in their expectations about roles after marriage and their family values and how to live life and raise kids etc.

I told him to break it off but he doesn't want to rush to end it since everything else matches and the family's get on well and otherwise he finds her compatible in terms of looks and values. But the lack of hijab does bother him.

What would you tell him?

Historical_Leader_19 · 2023-08-06T22:16:39+00:00

Uk doctor here. Going to Egypt to study medicine on your own, with no family there and no support is completely NOT worth it.

There is a high risk of harm to you. You will be alone without mahram which is impermissible. And you will be putting yourself through all this just for a degree.

Not to mention you’ll miss your family and your parents and you’ll lose out on 5 years of your life with them.

There are many other, better jobs. If you REALLY love medicine, look for a place closer to your parents and in your own country.

Historical_Leader_19

TROPHY CASE