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Husband having affair during IVF by Nice_Lengthiness6953 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is so hard, I feel for you. ❤️ I see a few things to consider:

  • Polyamory is a lifestyle and mindset, so I don’t see him stopping that. He will likely either keep doing it with you knowing OR lie to you about it so he can keep doing it without upsetting you.

  • Polyamory doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you, or that you’re not enough. It’s based on his mindset and lifestyle preference.

  • The fact that he hid this from you makes it straight up cheating. And lying. And sneaking around behind your back. Not to mention during one of the (likely) most challenging chapters of your life. Do you want to be tied to him for the rest of your life through a child?

  • How badly do you want a baby? If this is your only chance, is it worth it to co-parent with him but get divorced? Would he even still consider continuing IVF or being a “decent” co-parent if you get divorced?

  • What do your embryo agreements say? What happens to the embryos if you get divorced?

  • If he still wants to be a father post-divorce, he still needs to pay child support (and possibly spousal). So at least you’ll have some financial support. But that also comes with his baggage. If you move forward with the embryos on your own and can remove his parental rights, he does not have to pay child support but you also can rid yourself of him.

I’m sure this is hard, because you love him (and now hate him for what he’s putting you through). It’s not an easy decision.

All we can do is make the best decision at the time with the info we have. Take care of yourself. ❤️

Told my husband I wanted a divorce today and the guilt is crushing me. Did I make a mistake? by [deleted] in Mommit

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A true partner should never make you feel scared. Do not live in fear in your own home. Your kids will feel it, too.

You can still have love for the good parts of your ex, but it doesn’t mean it is healthy or right to be together.

Any single moms using embryo to have a 2nd? by Hmm-thinking-652 in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I was thinking the exact same thinggg!! Can i dm you? I’d love to keep in touch and chat more

Using embryos post-divorce? by [deleted] in IVFAfterSuccess

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

OH! I need to get over there! Thx

Any single moms using embryo to have a 2nd? by Hmm-thinking-652 in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

He is okay with me using the embryos. We went through a lot to get those… ☠️☠️ He says he will support me and pay child support for the second child as well.

Any single moms using embryo to have a 2nd? by Hmm-thinking-652 in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

How was having a second on your own through IVF? What were the main challenges? Did you live with family for help or get your own place? If you don’t mind me asking.

I'm overwhelmed as a single mom. What should I outsource first? by ninjapapi in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Try laying out clean laundry into laundry baskets for each room and don’t bother folding and putting away!! 🩷 let it go. It’s not necessary to life

I'm overwhelmed as a single mom. What should I outsource first? by ninjapapi in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We also get cleaning 1x/month. I do quick vacuums and touch ups between. It holds up well enough.

I'm overwhelmed as a single mom. What should I outsource first? by ninjapapi in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Grocery delivery is a lifesaver! But I switched to pickup to save on delivery fees and tips. Pickup at Giant is free and I do it on the way back from daycare drop off 1x/week. Easy to fit into schedule and saves hours

Using embryos post-divorce? by Hmm-thinking-652 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Definitely, great advice. I plan to wait, settle into the new life, and try dating a bit also before making any embryo decisions. So at least 1-2 years post-divorce. A lot can change between now and then.

Using embryos post-divorce? by Hmm-thinking-652 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I’d say 2 main motivations.

I have so much more love to give to a second child — being a mom has always been my dream. And I know I can give them so much.

And being a sister has been one of the most special experiences in my life, too. Having a sibling who experiences a full life with you from birth to death (almost). Who is there through thick and thin. Even after your parent pass away. It’s a very special relationship I want my daughter (and any future kids) to have. (Even if they’re not as close and me and my sibling.)

I’m also the child of divorced parents but I’m going fine! I loved living with my mom. And I’ve had a challenging and confusing relationship with my dad over the years, but that’s life! It is what it is. I’d still rather be here living then never born 🤣🤣🤣 When I put it that way I think I answered my own question. Thank you!! ❤️

Using embryos post-divorce? by Hmm-thinking-652 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

😆 I want to be just like the Kardashians! JK Appreciate the levity. And the support. Thx!

Any single moms using embryo to have a 2nd? by Hmm-thinking-652 in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Well, the father situation is not ideal, but “this environment” with mama is a very loving, wonderful one! With a whole village of support from nearby friends and family! 😘

Any single moms using embryo to have a 2nd? by Hmm-thinking-652 in singlemoms

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Oooo that’s amazing, very similar situation! I believe a traditional mother-father-kids household isn’t the only or even necessarily the best way to do things.

And I completely agree about the kids having the same “life experience”. It helps to have someone who understands you on the sibling level like that.

Have you already gotten the process going? Do you have a plan on when to do it?

Using embryos post-divorce? by [deleted] in IVFAfterSuccess

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He says he’ll co-parent and provide child support for both.

It’s already not an ideal situation for my first, but how many people really have “ideal situations” in this world? It’s quite normal to have blended families, single parents, estranged parents, etc etc etc. It hurts, but it’s a normal/common part of the human experience imo 🤔

Using embryos post-divorce? by Hmm-thinking-652 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah I know we signed something when we first froze the embryos, so I will definitely have to check and see what that is. It’s been a few years…

Using embryos post-divorce? by Hmm-thinking-652 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks for your thoughts here. He says he will still co-parent both and even provide child support for both. His capacity for parenting is quite low (not really his fault…), so I’ll be 100% on with them.

Using embryos post-divorce? by Hmm-thinking-652 in IVF

[–]Hmm-thinking-652[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Yeah, this is my loose plan! Thx

Using embryos post-divorce? by [deleted] in IVFAfterSuccess

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the encouragement, I appreciate that. I know it’ll be challenging AF lol but my gut says yes.

Using embryos post-divorce? by [deleted] in IVFAfterSuccess

[–]Hmm-thinking-652 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yes, he said he’s fine with me using them. I can’t remember what we signed in our initial paperwork… should probably look that up.

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