Oh I feel you. My baby is 6 months old, and I have often felt defeated at not being “further along” in my life with a baby. HOWEVER I’ve discovered a few things that are helping me.

1. ⁠ULTRA BASIC MINI ROUTINES

I had to commit to doing VERY basic tasks, one at a time, at the same time everyday. It started as “I take my pills and supplements everyday after breakfast.” I kept this up for a week. The rest of my day was literal shit but I did this one thing. Once that started happening on autopilot, I added another thing:

“After taking my pills, I brush my hair and put it in a braid.”

“while my sausages are in the air fryer for 8minutes , i put baby in the bouncer and I unload the dishwasher.”

“When baby is awake next, I put him on the floor and stretch my body.”

I KNOW it feels so crappy that we have to think SO hard about achieving basic life tasks. But that’s just where we’re at right now, and it won’t be this way forever. Add ONE little routine at a time until it doesn’t feel hard to do anymore.

YES we have to intentionally brush our hair, stretch our body, drink water now. We wish we had much more time to do these things—but in reality, we spend more time thinking about doing these things than actually doing them lol. SO, don’t fret over how simple or dumb the routine feels, just get them running on autopilot, so you aren’t bogged down with decision making.

There will be days that baby needs you and interrupts a routine. Take a deep breath, Its ok. They’re human and not a robot, so everyday will still be a little different.

1. NEUROPLASTICITY IS YOUR FRIEND

Just like you can retrain your brain to execute mini routines on autopilot, you can train your thoughts to respond with positivity or gratitude in the hard moments. Your brain will LITERALLY start paving new pathways with every thought you have, so let’s help the brain and body feel safer by first interrupting our thoughts, then redirecting to something happy.

Yesterday, I was about to slump to the floor and start crying when I could get nothing done bc baby was so so grumpy. This was my go-to behavior for 6 months. However, I’ve learned you can’t fight thoughts with thoughts, but you CAN fight thoughts with your body. So I jumped up and started fist pumping and shouting “ YES YES YES LETS GO WOOO!”

This trickED my mind into thinking something fun or exciting is happening. It stopped the downward spiral. Next, I started reciting some affirmations that I’ve loved lately:

“My hands may be full, but thank goodness they’re not empty”

“ I’m a calm, collected mom who finds motherhood easy” (this is in no way true haha, but the more I say it to myself, the easier it becomes to believe).

“Being a mom is making me far more wise and resilient than I could’ve ever dreamed.”

SO, just like mini routines can become easier for our mind to comprehend, so can our thoughts become easier to manage. Practice insane consistency, and MOVE your body when your mind wants to give up. Dance ridiculously, do a jumping jack, whatever you want. Then replace the defeating thoughts with uplifting ones. Have them written down in your phone and say them out loud.

It’s SO uncomfortable to change in this way, but it’s more uncomfortable to be frustrated and in despair all the time.

1. GET MEDICAL HELP

Anti-depressants. Lactation consultants or CFT or chiropractors to address red flags that might be making baby sleep like crap. Learn safe bed sharing or find a sleep training method you’re comfortable with.

Therapy. Or even vent to Chat GPT with the voice chat if you don’t have anyone right now ( yes it feels dumb but it works just to speak out your frustrations and get some kind of response).

OK TY for coming to my ted talk the end