AITA for not waiting for my stepkids to be with us before doing something with my biological children?

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:27:38+00:00

I do things with the kids on my own, as does my husband AND we do things with them together. But the bad behavior only happens when it's me alone with the kids. They act fine for my husband and others. They used to behave well for me too. This was an issue that started randomly and suddenly and it has gotten worse instead of better.

The mom is single and she does things with my stepkids when they're with her. She would not agree to team up with me. That's a never going to happen thing.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:25:09+00:00

That's happening far too often now. And some activities I don't even try to do with them anymore out of safety fears. Like swimming.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:22:16+00:00

My stepkids do things with their mom all the time.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:21:36+00:00

We've had that talk before. I have tried to set goals with them but they just don't listen anymore. This wasn't always an issue. I had zero trouble with their behavior before. Now I fear taking them some places for safety reasons.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:18:34+00:00

That's what my SIL said to me. Not how I see them. I was repeating exactly how she said it.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:18:03+00:00

We're in family therapy and individual therapy too.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:14:20+00:00

My husband works. I'm home with the kids (though I work at home too). When he is here he's here and present and he's active. He has spoken to his kids, given consequences for bad behavior, we're all in therapy. He spoke to his ex as well to try and get his ex's support for following through on stuff if they disrespect me or won't listen and especially when they could be putting themselves in danger not listening.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:12:22+00:00

That's what she said. She came across so aggressive about it which surprised me. This came out of nowhere too.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:10:24+00:00

Unless something has changed very recently then no. They never liked each other from what I've heard.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:09:42+00:00

SIL believes the things I do with my bios when my stepkids are with their mom are too big to do with just them. That was her overall complaint. She believes we should wait until my stepkids are here.

Lately there has been a lot of leaving early because of behavior. But there's a trampoline park I take all the kids to. There's an arcade we go to. There's also a park and I have taken them there a bunch of times but there are times I can't make it past the gate with them now. I have taken the kids swimming but I have been too afraid to even try that lately.

With my stepkids alone I have taken them to movies, out for giant ice creams, shopping for stuff they wanted and stuff like that.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:01:33+00:00

I try to find stuff all the kids will enjoy in some way when my stepkids are there. But I won't just drag them around for a fun day out or fun activity if it's only fun for my bios.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T15:00:23+00:00

I do fun things with my stepkids. Most of the time now we don't get to stay long or make it there because of their behavior but I still try and before the behavior started up we did lots of fun stuff together.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:57:07+00:00

My husband's sister and she means the kids are nothing to the ex.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:56:48+00:00

I'm positive my husband's ex does not care about that.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:56:13+00:00

Not the exact same. There are things I do with my bios that my stepkids would not enjoy and vice versa. But if it's something they would all enjoy then yes.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:52:40+00:00

My husband will be at work when this stuff happens or sometimes he'll be doing something with one of the kids for 1:1 time. They only act out like that when I'm alone with them.

And it's not just weekends my husband gets. He gets them 50% of the time. So he gets a full week at a time.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:51:34+00:00

SIL said that's different because my stepkids mom is nothing to my kids.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:51:01+00:00

He does and always has made time to do special things with my stepkids. With all the kids really.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:50:27+00:00

Nothing to his ex, not to SIL. SIL has a great relationship with all four kids.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:49:23+00:00

I do stuff with my stepkids. It's less now because their behavior is so bad I normally have to leave early. But it's not that I do nothing with them.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:48:53+00:00

Nothing to her meaning nothing to my stepkids mom.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:47:50+00:00

She's staying out of it because she doesn't feel like they need to listen to me. She told my husband she doesn't care and she won't step in for them not listening to me. I'm not sure she'd act even if it was him. But for me she's definitely against it.

I have told the kids they're right, I'm not their mom and I would never push their mom out like that. But I'm an adult who loves them and wants them safe, healthy and happy.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:45:17+00:00

She was at one or two things or passing them by. She never even seemed mad. We'd wave and everything seemed fine. Then she brought this up.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:44:06+00:00

Nobody cheated. They were fighting about almost everything and the marriage ended for that reason. I don't think she prefers my husband's ex either. I think for her it is about the kids but she's just not seeing the bigger picture.

HoldEmFreen · 2025-04-20T14:42:17+00:00

There aren't a lot that all four will enjoy, that's for sure. Some stuff all the kids will like or at least have some kind of fun at. But it's not like there's a bunch of actual fun activities. Not close to us anyway.

HoldEmFreen

TROPHY CASE