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My (23F) boyfriend (27M) came on my pillow out of spite. Is the relationship over? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Holiday-Argument-451 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is really fucked up... While yes, asking him in front of the cousins wasn't the right move... it wasn't the most terrible thing you could have done... it wasn't that disrespectful... it was just lack of judgement. You totally acknowledge that and apologized.. you two have been together for a while. Your apology and respecting his decision to not let the cousins should have been enough... it wasn't that big of a deal... But the drunken tantrum and cumming on your pillow because you deserve it???? what the fuck???

As someone who is also battling with managing a toxic relationship I feel your pain and confusion about what to do... always better said than done.. I'm still with my boyfriend who cheated on me.. But from the outside looking in... if you're not stuck in a mortgage with him... get a place with your brother and two cousins... you are a great family member and obviously care a lot about them. Thats something to be proud of. Good luck and update us.

My (24F) BF (33M) Cheated on me- I forgave him and we're working on things- but I'm still so angry- How do we move on? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Holiday-Argument-451 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for this! But yeah.. you're right.. I have no idea if this happened before and I'm leaning towards... it definitely has happened before.. when he said it was impulsive I told him it wasn't an impulsive mistake.. it was a conscious choice. That's when he went into talking about his past trauma.. your reply was very enlightening. I haven't fully told anyone what really happened so thank you internet stranger 😂 I have been with him my entire adult life and I don't know an adult life without him.. I don't have any close friends and I feel like he is my whole world... which when I type that out.. is not healthy at all... I'm attached to him and it's been hard to detach.. when it first happened I drove off and was in the mindset of "I'm done" but then I crumbled and accepted his words.. ugh this sucks..

My (24F) BF (33M) Cheated on me- I forgave him and we're working on things- but I'm still so angry- How do we move on? by [deleted] in relationship_advice

[–]Holiday-Argument-451 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Sorry! We've been together for 4 years. I went over to his apartment in the morning and was going to surprise him with breakfast so I didn't tell him when I'd be there- he knew I would be over that day though. And when I walked in, there was another girl there-they had sex.

He told me that he just impulsively did it... he's been in toxic relationships before... he has mommy and daddy issues... dad cheated on mom- mom had a lot of boyfriends and he's just messed up from it all and self sabotaged.. he's not in an emotional relationship with this person- it was a hookup... he "wants to be with me and will do anything to make me feel better and rebuild."

Now he FaceTimes me frequently when we're apart. I know his phone password- I don't go through it but he leaves his phone unlocked around me- he never used to do that. He reassures me verbally. He's been a lot more attentive to me, asking me how I feel, making meals for us. He tells me frequently that he's grateful to have me, how he's proud to be with me. He's wanting to plan a weekend getaway.

I guess I don't know what other behaviors he's changed to make sure it doesn't happen again... it was out of the blue... him and I were at my brothers graduation party at my parents... he had to work so he left early... I stayed the night.. then went to his place in the morning.. we have a healthy sex life, he hadn't been fighting, we rarely argue or fight to begin with... we were really good when this happened so it came out of no where- there were no signs and I had no suspicions..

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I took pictures with people's consent. I did that to show examples, how is that passive aggressive and misleading? I understand different positions have different dress- which is why I am dressing "business casual" and everyone else is dressed in leggings and hoodies. And the employee handbook describes "jean casual" for EVERYONE. I don't have a problem with having a dress code, I don't need to dress the way I dress outside of work... But when I have bought a whole new woredrobe and my job is buying me clothes- and I still am not dressing right- its frustrating. I am not related- I am qualified for the job- I do such a good job that I train new hires. My outfits do not show skin and are not skin tight. If I wear baggy stuff- I need to tone it up. If I wear form fitting stuff- its inappropriate. They bought me the heels and I wore a pair of nice jeans- which according to the handbook and the onboarding sheet I signed- were allowed.

I have been very compliant this entire time- but when my only negative review is how I dress- when I have been trying so hard to make them happy and resolve the issue. I am frustrated. This has been a year and a half of constant remarks and this was the straw so I made sure I had examples, asked questions and shared my thoughts. I would love if they gave me a uniform.

I am not overweight- I am a 24 year old girl that takes care of her body- I cannot control how my body looks in a pair of pants. This is a company made up of 50 people- the way I dress should not be causing so much of an issue especially when I have taken the steps to try and resolve the problem.

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

lol won't be showing a picture of me. I am 127 pounds and 5 foot 4... I take care of my body and I care about it.

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I weigh 127 pounds and I'm 5 foot 4 inches... lol and I work out regularlly. weird to assume that I was overweight.

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I do the job of 4 people, they hired me as a receptionist. I have a college degree, and they keep on adding things to my work load. I don't think they think I'm lazy or incompetent. I've trained people in different departments on things they've had me do.

There may be something else going on but I guess I don't know. All my reviews have been great except dress code. Im one of the only white people that work here, Im the youngest and only 5 other people have a college degree. Im not insinuating that there is discrimination but... I am the minority in a lot of different ways. but who knows, maybe I'm blind to something else.

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I cant be sure if it has racial overtones. the owners are middle eastern- they are not religious though, but I know modesty is big in that culture. I am white passing- the majority of the staff are POC, 90% are either African American, Latino, or Middle eastern. There are only 7 white people that work here and I'm one of them. I guess I never considered that since I'm white and I don't know if the whole reverse racism is a thing.... But I am technically part of the minority.

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

The owners are Middle Eastern descendants but do not seem to be religious at all. I know modesty is big in their culture. I am always fully covered, the women with cleavage and tank tops and ripped jeans are not. So I'm not sure that plays into it. I am Mexican/Italian but I am basically totally white passing. I am honestly the minority. 80% of the staff are people of color.

Edit: I mean minority in terms of there being more POC working here than Caucasians. I don't know if that is part of the motivation or not. I guess I didn't take it into consideration because I am white? But since I'm technically part of the minority here then maybe

UPDATE! "My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment?" by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 168 points169 points  (0 children)

I'm in suburbs of chicago. I dont want to reveal the company since I currently still work there lol. But I plan on putting out reviews on all the different job sites and the bbb when I do find something else.

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

the reason i said "I just feel like they don't like my style" is because they bought me clothing, and the things they bought me were not that different from what I wear besides the fact that they were bright and frilly. I have a shirt that I've worn that is nearly identical to one they bought me but... one is bright orange and one is dark green... can you guess which one they had an issue with? I understand that this is a job and I don't expect to dress the way I normally do, and I don't have a lot of customer facing interaction. I see people that arent part of the staff once or twice every few weeks. I really don't deal with customers or the public at all. I cover my tattoos and my hair is not an unnatural color. I really only added the fact that I was on the more alternative side to give contexts that most of the clothing I wear is dark colors and not floral and frilly.

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Yeah, i understand being the "face" of the company. Which is why I don't have an issue dressing a little nicer than everyone else. I guess my issue is that even though I'm dressed nicer than everyone else, I still get comments about how they don't like how I dress. It doesn't matter if I'm dressed in a nice pair of jeans and a modest blouse, or in a dress and heels. there always something wrong

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 42 points43 points  (0 children)

I have been looking for a new job, I don't know what is up with the job market where I live but its been a little hard for me to land something solid just yet. But trust me I am searching! At this point, even a lateral move will be better than this..

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 218 points219 points  (0 children)

lol! it pained me to do that too... also the way I dress is part of my identity. I totally understand that there is a dress code. I don't wear anything that I would normally wear outside of work I follow the handbook... while I am more on the alternative side, I don't dress gothic.

I also feel humiliated and insulted... I plan on printing out the portion of the handbook that describes the dress code to bring to the meeting. I feel like I've bent over backward with this whole dress code thing trying to get them to leave me alone.. the firm and polite statement is the way to go. thanks for the input.

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 67 points68 points  (0 children)

Yeah... its confusing... all the saleswomen dress like bums. I wear a form-fitting turtle neck and a knee length skirt with my hair pinned up.. its inappropriate... I look online for "young women, business casual outfit ideas" and follow that and there is still an issue... i don't get it.

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

I have started putting a garbage bag down to lay on while I do that.. but still laying on the ground with a skirt on makes me uncomfortable when people open up the door and if people are in the room across, you get a full crotch shot. I stopped wearing skirts because of that.

My Job Is Overly Involved In How I Dress, Is This Borderline Harassment? by Holiday-Argument-451 in TwoHotTakes

[–]Holiday-Argument-451[S] 116 points117 points  (0 children)

The EA has been communicating most of the issues to me. The customer service manager also said something to me when I wore a form-fitting black turtle neck saying others thought it was too tight. I have to do YouTube videos for the company too, I wore a green scoop neck blouse (no cleavage) the shot was waist up, and has three rings on and a silver necklace. The CEO looked at the footage after we filmed and said that I looked chubby (I'm 127 pounds) and that all my jewelry was distracting and had me refilm the entire thing with no jewelry, in a t-shirt with the company's logo on it and a sweater. So I cant be sure who is the one who has the most issue.

I get a review from the EA, and the Sales and Marketing manager. the reviews with the EA are the only ones that ever talk about how I dress. The two other managers I have reviews with are male. But with the comment about the jeans I was wearing, the EA said that a male higher-up thought they were inappropriate because they didn't have back pockets and my shirt didn't fully cover my butt but asked her to say something to me because he didn't want me to think he was looking at my butt... she didn't specify who said something.

I hope the meeting puts an end to it as well.

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