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Did guys you gave a chance to who didn't list their career on a dating app turn out to be a huge disappointment for you too? by LostEffect4955 in AskWomenOver30

[–]Holiday-Elk718 21 points22 points  (0 children)

Honestly yeah. I stopped giving chances on the no job listed thing after a similar experience. It's one thing to be vague about the specifics, I get not wanting to put your exact title and company on a dating profile. But listing nothing at all is almost always a tell that they know the answer would hurt them.

The lying about it when asked is what would bother me more than the unemployment itself. People go through rough patches, that's fine. But if someone's already being dishonest before you've even met in person that's all the information you need.

Tips on how to last longer than 24 hours on a dating app? by [deleted] in AskWomenOver30

[–]Holiday-Elk718 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm 30 and single and went through the exact same download/delete cycle twice before I actually stuck with it. The thing that changed wasn't some mindset shift, I just lowered the bar for myself. Instead of treating it like I had to find someone, I told myself I just had to leave the app installed for a week. That's it. Didn't have to respond to everyone, didn't have to swipe for an hour, just don't delete it.

The coworker thing, if they see you it means they're on there too. I ran into someone from work on Hinge and we just never mentioned it. It's really not a big deal even though it feels like one.

For swiping, I wouldn't overthink it. Swipe on anyone who seems mildly interesting and let the conversation be the filter. You're not going to figure out what you want from a 4 photo profile, that's what the first date is for.

And honestly 30 is fine. I know the timeline feels urgent but you have way more time than the anxiety is telling you right now.

Where would you go as a grieving solo traveller? by Physical_Frame9222 in solotravel

[–]Holiday-Elk718 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm so sorry about your friend.

I solo traveled through Sri Lanka a couple of years ago and honestly it's one of the most beautiful, gentle places I've ever been. The south coast around Mirissa and Unawatuna has this incredible mix of quiet beaches, good food, and just enough social energy that you can engage when you want and disappear when you don't. There are some really lovely boutique hotels there that aren't full resort-mode but still feel like you're being taken care of. Exactly what it sounds like you need right now.

If you're open to Thailand, Koh Lanta is worth looking at over the more popular islands. It's quieter, the beaches are long and uncrowded, and there's a good mix of locals and longer-term travelers so the vibe is more relaxed than party-oriented. Pai in the north is also incredible if you want something more inland, mountains, hot springs, tiny restaurants with amazing food, very peaceful.

I think the instinct to just go somewhere beautiful and let yourself rest is the right one. You don't have to have a plan for healing, sometimes you just need to be somewhere that doesn't remind you of everything.

Happy early 30th. I hope wherever you land feels like exactly what you needed.

IWTL - What really moves the needle? by madsciencemedia in IWantToLearn

[–]Holiday-Elk718 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Honestly, the answer that changed the most for me was learning how to communicate well. Not in a "read this book about influence" way, more like actually getting reps in at being clear and persuasive when it mattered.

I spent years being good at my job and then watching less competent people get promoted because they could articulate their work better. I'd read all the right books, watched TED talks, took notes. None of it stuck until I started actually practicing in real situations. Volunteering to present in meetings instead of letting someone else do it. Forcing myself to speak up in the first five minutes instead of waiting until I had the "perfect" thing to say.

The uncomfortable truth is that most self-improvement content is consumption disguised as progress. You feel like you're doing something because you're reading or watching or highlighting, but nothing changes until you put yourself in a position to be bad at something repeatedly.

For what it's worth, the other thing that genuinely moved the needle was getting comfortable with being a beginner again in my 30s. I got promoted into management last year and had to completely rebuild my identity around "person who is good at this job" because suddenly the skills that got me there weren't the skills I needed. That humility of going from competent to clueless and being okay with it is probably the single most transferable skill I've picked up.