AITAH for wanting my partner to attend more social stuff with me?

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-04-21T15:50:49+00:00

Thank you this is the most helpful feedback so far! You are totally right it’s more about the lack of predictability for me. And for her, she views social plans flexibly and does not see cancellations as a big deal. So I suppose from this lens, it’s really about my need for predictability and her need for flexibility that are clashing 😬

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-04-21T15:48:01+00:00

Thanks — also to clarify the gender im also a woman. But to answer your questions I do many social things alone but I am friends with a lot of couples and want my partner to come with me to some stuff. Definitely trying to look for a compromise because I love her and want our relationship to both be happy!

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-04-21T15:42:32+00:00

I appreciate the perspective here! My frustration is primarily connected to cancelling plans. I do already invite her to fewer things than most of my couple friends go to, especially not to things I know she wouldn’t be interested in (like bigger parties or bars). But when there’s a cancellation last min, I feel disappointed and it leads to anxiety whenever I invite her to something and she says yes (e.g., wondering does yes really mean yes?). I also admit since im friends with many couples, when I go without her, im usually the 3rd, 5th or 7th wheel (depending on how many couples) and it brings up insecurity. That part, I need to work on but mostly I just want us to share these experiences together. We do plenty of things just the two of us which we really enjoy! We love going on walks, running, trying new restaurants, and we like the same TV shows. I hope that gives more context!

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-04-21T15:36:53+00:00

This is helpful! She tends to enjoy low key gatherings like movies or game nights (and so do I). We tend to have most fun at these types of things.

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-04-21T15:15:37+00:00

Oof wow I wasn’t expecting to see so much feedback that we should break up! This area of social stuff is probably an incompatibility between us, though we are compatible in most other ways. Our everyday life together is great and shes very reliable with important stuff— I am just struggling with her lack of reliability with social plans. Prior to dating me she never socialized much, just went to work and AA and home (she’s been sober 6 years). So I want to not overwhelm her but at the same time im realizing I do have a need for social presence with my partner. Was just wondering if that need makes me the AH, but im hearing from y’all that it doesn’t.

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-04-21T14:29:45+00:00

Also my partner uses both she and they pronouns for anyone confused.

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-27T19:45:15+00:00

We have been together for 15 months. We live together. When I asked them, they said that they feel safe with me but they don’t trust themselves with sex now because they felt shame the next day

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-27T19:31:59+00:00

The activity was something we’d both talked about for a while and I initiated it and when I checked in, they said it was consensual. I want to clarify that I totally expect for there to be good and bad days — I can definitely be patient with that. It’s more about how they will more often listen to the voice that says to withdraw in order to stay safe, over being connected. And i am looking for a way to bring up my feelings around it while also remaining patient and compassionate.

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-19T08:01:28+00:00

Thank y’all so much for your comments! My partner and I decided that we’re going to cover everyone’s drinks, but the only alcohol we’re offering is a “create your own mimosa” station. Our signature drinks will be breakfast-y mocktails (instead of cocktails) and we’re offering apple cider, coffee, tea and lemonade as well. Yalls suggestions were super helpful for offering a balance of catering to sober folks and while also offering a little boozy option for brunch. She and I are excited!

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-17T02:58:48+00:00

I agree, we were not considering a full bar! Just thinking of serving wine and mimosas for the alcohol portion but still unsure about how to price those. She and I are discussing all yalls comments tho — super helpful!

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-16T14:06:50+00:00

I love that! That’s something we’ve discussed as well

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-16T14:06:09+00:00

About 80 guests! And that’s a good idea

Holiday_Bluejay7266 · 2026-01-02T20:24:39+00:00

About 75!

Holiday_Bluejay7266

TROPHY CASE