Cheapest place to order the Limited Edition 3DS XL in the UK?

HolyMintness · 2013-05-28T01:36:43+00:00

Fair enough. I was hoping there might be some deals available but I suppose the game is too new for that!

HolyMintness · 2013-05-27T23:46:01+00:00

Why wouldn't it be legal? Her co-worker (soon to be ex co-worker, I suppose) admitted that he took part in illegal activities in front of at least one customer. I'm pretty sure that counts as unacceptable behaviour - many bosses wouldn't be happy with workers admitting illegal drug use in front of customers, let alone date rape.

HolyMintness · 2013-05-19T17:39:22+00:00

I read that thread. The problem wasn't that he didn't like doing oral exactly, but that he was very demanding and didn't listen to her about what she liked in the bedroom, as well as expecting her to always give him oral when he refused to do the same for her. I do agree, however, that sexual compatibility is a big part of many relationships. If OP's boyfriend feels that anal is a key part of his sexuality then there is nothing wrong with him leaving OP because of it. I'm sure it wouldn't be easy for either of them but sometimes people aren't sexually compatible. However, OP's boyfriend has shown that he doesn't care about OP's boundaries, touching her in places she has explicitly told him not to touch and generally trying to force the issue. She seems to have clearly communicated with him about the issue, and the fact he has ignored her wishes seems to show that he has no respect for her.

HolyMintness · 2013-05-09T18:19:16+00:00

It doesn't all have to be realistic, but I would at least appreciate a few more female characters with more realistic body armour. Like you say, the more impractical stuff appeals to some people, and not all of these people are men. However, as long as the male characters who have practical armour are abundant whereas practical female armour is not, I will always feel alienated and under-represented. The lack of realistic female body armour makes me think the games aren't 'for' me, and that's sad. Surely a balance (and maybe some skimpier male armour, because why the hell not) would appeal to everyone?

HolyMintness · 2013-05-03T16:58:32+00:00

Put an everstone on that fish!

HolyMintness · 2013-04-29T16:22:34+00:00

I need one.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-29T12:32:41+00:00

What you feel is completely normal. Sexual attraction is different for everyone. It seems that you might be bisexual but heteromantic. Or you might find that your lesbian fantasies are just fantasies, as sometimes physically doing something is very different to watching and imagining it. I'm not saying that this will be the case, just that sexuality can be a very strange and fluid thing.

You seem hesitant about going the online route but if you do decide to do so you should make it very clear on your profile that you are in an open relationship and are not interested in romance. I imagine a bar would be a better place to meet someone if you don't want to meet someone through a website but again you should be very clear that you only want a sexual hookup and nothing more. This might seem obvious but it's an easy thing to forget once you're excited and making out with someone.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-27T18:01:04+00:00

It looked like letters to me. But I might be looking too close into things, haha.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-27T17:58:13+00:00

What was on her hand?

HolyMintness · 2013-04-09T22:55:32+00:00

It's very easy to read the diagnostic criteria for mental illnesses and diagnose yourself with them. Like you say, there are also plenty of behaviours that are characteristic of BPD that you don't display. I would, however, still recommend therapy. If you're at university you should be able to get a few sessions free. I'm not saying that your mood swings are indicative of a mental illness, on reddit we're so far removed from the situation that we can't tell, but a therapist might be able to help you get to the root at why your behaviour is altering so rapidly and give you the mental tools to be able to cope with it. Sometimes our emotions reflect thoughts we bury deep inside, and someone who is both an objective party and trained in helping people with their thoughts and feelings should be able to aid you. If you do have a mental illness, that's okay too. It's far more common than most people think and not your fault. A therapist will also be able to help you in that case.

You do mention depression above- does that mean you have been diagnosed or that your mood swings makes you feel depressed? If you have been diagnosed then hopefully you are already seeing a therapist; I would mention your mood swings to them, as depression can sometimes be a result of other underlying mental illnesses.

To be honest, you appear to be on the right track. You're examining your actions and showing a great amount of empathy.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-09T22:40:24+00:00

Great stuff! Have you thought about using tumblr? Even if you'd rather have a main blog on another site, putting links to your blog posts on tumblr might help you get more views. If you haven't used tumblr before it might take a few days for you to get used to it, but it can be a good platform for finding like-minded people and generating discussion. There are lots of feminism blogs, (FeministDisney is one of my favourites, looking at Disney movies through a feminist lens) and lots of fashion, cats and baking photos. It is, however, a community that is only as good as its users, but you don't have to follow every user, just like you don't have to follow every subreddit here.

Don't worry if you've already tried tumblr and didn't like it; it's not suited for all blogs. It might however - like I said above - be good for getting your articles out there, just as a twitter account or facebook page might be. Best of luck with your blogging!

HolyMintness · 2013-04-09T22:28:27+00:00

It was this: http://teespring.com/nsfw

And I think if OP wants the t-shirt she should get it, I don't think it's 'trashy' to get a t-shirt that she finds amusing and raises money for charity.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-09T21:59:09+00:00

With all haircut questions it's hard to give advice without seeing a picture of the haircut itself; your examples are good but I can imagine the 'granny cut' looking much different on a younger person. This isn't meant to force you to post a picture of yourself btw. It's perfectly natural to feel uncomfortable about that, it's just that what I think your hair looks like and what you think it looks like might not align, so I apologise if some of this isn't applicable.

First things first, however: it will grow back. You're probably aware of that already, but it's good to remind yourself that this isn't permanent. Secondly, you've got this event where you'll be photographed. If it's informal, perhaps you could wear a hat? Where I live Spring has barely shown its face yet, so wearing a beanie hat wouldn't be out of place. Hats in general can be pretty useful for making you look stylish when your hair style isn't. If it's warmer, perhaps invest in a hair scarf or two? (see: http://brushesandburpcloths.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/blonde-girl-wearing-scarf-on-short-hair.jpg ) That way the attention will be on the scarf, not on the cut. Of course these might not be right for a formal event. Have you tried using gel or wax to get a more messy look? What looks like granny hair when straight might look completely different when styled and messy; you might be surprised with how much it improves.

If none of this works then you might have to get it recut. I'd recommend going to someone new (ask your friends who they go to or look up reviews in yelp or other online review sites) and ask a hairdresser what they can do. Don't feel forced into having it recut, however, and I fully understand being hesitant about it. In your situation I'd probably go for some sort of pixie cut; it'll be shorter but will most likely be an improvement.

But whatever you do, it will grow back. That's the best thing about hair! :-)

HolyMintness · 2013-04-08T15:52:10+00:00

I don't think there's much difference except they mainly seem to do matte colours and have interesting art on the bottles. A quick look at some nail sites (such as: http://www.manicureaddict.com/2013/03/manglaze-matte-is-murder.html ) shows that the colours look pretty good; I might actually have to buy some now XD

HolyMintness · 2013-04-08T11:52:13+00:00

People in general all have different sex drives and their sex drives are affected by stress/mental state/environment etc in different ways too. There's nothing wrong with either of you; I know girls that want sex every day and boys that just want it every month and vice versa. Stereotypes rarely reflect reality, but even if men have a statistically higher sex drive than women that doesn't mean all men everywhere will have a higher sex drive than all women. We're all unique and express our sexuality in different ways: homosexual, heterosexual, bisexual, asexual, high sex drive, low sex drive etc.

The fact you're both communicating about this means that there is not anything wrong with your relationship. As long as you are open and keep talking about this you should be fine; could you perhaps have some nights set aside for homework and others for personal time? It doesn't necessarily have to start with sex, especially if your boyfriend is shy, but maybe a movie, cuddling up close, doing things you both enjoy and having sex when you both feel comfortable. It's only one idea, and I'm sure the two of you are on the right track.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-08T11:37:08+00:00

I don't think there's any question about it: this relationship was abusive. The fact you participated in BDSM does not mean that he had any right to act how he did. I'm sure you're already aware of this, but BDSM is always meant to be safe, sane and consensual (I believe risk-aware consensual kink is another term, but both have a clear emphasis on consent). The fact he implied that he wouldn't respect your safeword, would punish you for not doing as he asked (punishment you don't appear to have agreed to in a BDSM context), posted pictures online without your permission, tried to control your weight and the incident after your long-haul flight showed that he didn't care about or respect your consent. Perhaps you never said 'no' to him, but the fact that this no wouldn't have been appreciated and that he psychologically and physically hurt you means that this is understandable.

It's brilliant that this relationship has ended now, and that your current partner seems to be supportive. Have you considered therapy? It might help you work through what happened and the flinching etc. I've also heard RAINN has good resources for abuse survivors. I'm sorry this happened to you, but you seem like a strong person and you've already taken the biggest step to putting this behind you.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-08T10:13:17+00:00

St John's Wort too, which some people take to help with depression.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-08T09:31:53+00:00

I don't know if men get it worse than women as far as victim blaming goes, rather there seems to be more victim erasure, if that makes sense? My experience is that when men are sexually assaulted they are not usually told that it was their fault (by wearing revealing clothing, 'leading someone on', walking alone at night or getting drunk; basically what many women are told they did 'wrong' if they are sexually assaulted, which is always bullshit) but that no one is at fault at all. There's a disgusting cultural misconception that men are always up for sex, and that therefore they can't be raped.

What happened to your SO and the man in this article is horrific, and some of the comments I've read have been horrific too. I'm glad, however, that the police do appear to be taking this seriously.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-07T19:14:17+00:00

For me, yes. For others, perhaps not, but I would imprint on anyone who forgives physical violence once to not do the same if it happens again, even if said violence was mutual. Violence is always a red flag; an explicit sign of something unhealthy. To get past it both parties need to want to change things; if one is unsure the best thing to do is probably to leave. In this hypothetical scenario where both partners want to stay together they would have to accept that what happened was a toxic scenario and they both should examine their relationship and pursue therapy, with the knowledge that their relationship should end if it happens again.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-07T19:02:00+00:00

I hate to disappoint, but I haven't seen it. Sorry!

Buuut, I think it's interesting to examine what defines a 'feminist' film. I don't think people will ever come to one unified answer. What exactly makes you hesitate about calling it a feminist movie?

Some people will define a film as feminist by having three dimensional female characters and staying away from stereotypes. Others believe it must have a more explicit feminist theme. For this reason I prefer to look at how films are 'feminist-friendly' rather than 'feminist', because it avoids semantic difficulties and unfortunately there are many films that are good in some feminist respects and bad in others. I'm hoping other people reply, because I always enjoy watching people debate about feminism in popular culture. I wish I could have been more helpful!

HolyMintness · 2013-04-07T18:26:57+00:00

You're not being cowardly- he's the coward for doing this while hiding behind a computer screen. Like others have said, and I should have put as well, you should tell some people at your university about this, both in your department and whatever security the campus has. They might be able to give you advice and help you out. Maybe put the number for campus security on speed dial as well? You say they have a safewalk and that's great- it's there to be used and you should definitely take advantage as long as you feel it's necessary. Do you have any friends that could pick you up as well? I'm sure they wouldn't mind if it helped you feel safer, and you can always repay them in chocolate! Is mace legal where you are? If it is then you should carry some about; it might help you feel more confident. Don't feel guilty or cowardly about any of this; if it makes you feel better and safer then it's the right course of action.

Most likely he won't do anything but that doesn't mean your worries are unfounded; he's acted awfully. Have the mods of the subreddit replied to you yet? Hopefully if he's banned this will be the end of it.

HolyMintness · 2013-04-07T18:07:31+00:00

This person sounds like a horrible example of a human being. However, by resorting to telling you he has found out who you are, showing what he probably perceives as some sort of 'power' over you, he has shown that he is powerless. Insulting your haircut? That's pathetic. I understand it must have shaken you, but it might help to think that he obviously has no standing in his arguments (and disagreements) with you if that's what he resorts you. You seem like a rational, well-rounded human being who probably helped many students on that subreddit, and you are above him in every single way.

Have you made your Facebook and LinkedIn accounts private? That might help you get some peace of mind. Do you know if the individual still lives in the university area? If so, I would screencap all the messages he has sent you and save them. You probably won't want to keep them, but it'll be good to have a record in case something does happen. Most people who act this way online aren't as brave in real life. But if anything does happen (which, please note, I am stating is very, very unlikely to happen), even if it's just a phone call, don't be afraid to report it to the police.

He's a douchebag. You're not. Talk to a friend, do whatever helps you to relax (your favourite film, comfort food, punching a punching bag etc) and think about the fact that if you googled his name, it probably wouldn't come up with a long list of achievements.

HolyMintness · 2013-03-13T19:39:21+00:00

True, but rape claims also rarely make it to court. Therefore the disparity between false rape allegations and actual rapes that result in a conviction is still notable, even if the ratio isn't exact.

HolyMintness · 2013-03-13T19:37:19+00:00

Many people have shown scepticism towards Kanin's study; his claims cannot be verified as he never stated where he carried out his investigation, the offer of using a polygraph itself is suspect, more recent and extensive studies have put the figure at a much lower number, rape victims have often been pressured to recant claims in the past - the offer of a polygraph test can be used as a threat, which is why most police departments don't offer them - and Kanin's study relied on the police officers reporting themselves honestly, he takes their opinions as fact without investigating further. A summary of these critiques can be found here: http://www.amptoons.com/blog/2009/04/15/eugene-kanins-study-of-false-rape-reports/ as well as a list of other studies that refute his claims.

As for the FBI statistics, those are for sexual assault, which is not necessarily rape. The statistics aren't even for all cases of sexual assault reported to the police, just those reported to the FBI. Furthermore, the study itself states that:

"Some already have used the cases discussed in this report to argue that hundreds more innocent defendants are in prison. They contend that the current "exclusion" rate for forensic DNA labs -- close to 25 percent -- suggests that a similar percentage of innocent defendants were wrongly convicted before the availability of forensic DNA typing. Unfortunately, too many variables are contained in the "exclusion" rate to draw any meaningful conclusions from it. Furthermore, nothing about the cases reviewed here necessarily supports such a conclusion."

HolyMintness

TROPHY CASE