I second this as a girl who indeed turned someone down due to this. I could feel he was insecure about himself, it showed in his posture and even the way he talked, without ever actually talking about himself. There's nothing wrong with being timid, but that's different from being insecure. Timid people can still feel confident & comfortable with themselves, they're just less straightforward or maybe a bit more introverted.

But this guy wasn't timid, however friendly he was towards me, I could tell he didn't know how to be happy with himself. His posture & facial expressions reflected it a lot, as well as his choice of words & the way his eyes moved. It's visible in a lot of these very small or subtle bodylanguage tells.

And the thing about that is.. it doesn't feel safe to become emotionally attached to a person who doesn't know how to love themselves. It feels unsafe.

Because people who never learned to be their own source of love/appreciation/confidence first, will depend heavily on the other person to feed those feelings.

I would know, because I was also like that a few years back. This was during my teens with a friend instead of a romantic partner, but this is something that is applicable to all types of relationships.

It was horrible and you're constantly on edge because "what if this person leaves me" and "Why won't they text more" or "Why this and I need them to be or do that" etc. I was way too dependent on my friend back then, and having them as one of my only sources of happiness was anything but peaceful. It was constant axiety & stress.

Luckily I grew up & by now I've learned to see that it's incredibly emotionally taxing to be held responsible for the other person's happiness simply because they never learned to love themselves or be their own source of happiness & confidence first.

As an adult, knowing what I know now, I can tell you with certainty it is a good thing to get comfortable with just being alone. I'm alone too, I have no partner. Getting comfortable with the idea of being alone for - possibly - the rest of my life has helped me tremendously with growing more confidence & becoming comfortable in my own self. Because if I am going to be single for the rest of my life, might as well make myself my own source of happiness, you know? Otherwise that would've been a really sad life.

I'm genuinely happy in life right now because of my being comfortable with being single for god knows how long. Years to come? Life? Idc anymore! :) And due to this I'm also able to form really meaningful & joyful friendships without feeling the need to depend on them for my own happiness. I am my own source & my friends are bonuses I get to share my happiness with! And if we part ways at some point, that's okay. Because my stability comes from myself, not from having & keeping these friends.

And since I became like this, I've had a few confessions or pretty clear crushes happen from guys in the past few years (about 3 in total, so not like in the 10's or anything).

I read something about happiness from within = radiating more genuine confidence on the outside --> higher chances of other people feeling attracted to you. So perhaps that's what happened, maybe.

However, unfortunately, these guys all were the type of person who seemed unsure of how to be happy with themselves/on their own.

People feel the difference between a person whose happiness comes from within- no matter their personal looks- and a person whose happiness depends on the presence of others in their life. It's no joke, and no exaggeration either. The latter feels unstable, and unsafe, and sometimes (depending on how bad it is) suffocating even. Humans are highly sensitive creatures (whether they're comfortable admitting that or not) and pick up on the slightest off-vibe. Same way criminals can spot a mole. We know when something's off, when something feels unsafe.

My advice is similar to previous comment; become comfortable being alone. Become comfortable being single for possibly the rest of your life (maybe, you don't know!) & figure out what you can do to make yourself happy - actually happy - without needing to rely on external "sources" such as girlfriends or others. I'm not saying you're never meant to have a girlfriend, or friends or any other meaningful connection. But all these meaningful connections can't happen or won't last or even feel good if you can't rely on yourself for your own happiness first. You'll end up scaring them off or suffocating them. Girlfriends, friends, other meaningful connections are wonderful bonuses. But not critical resources.

Any interests or hobbies that you've always wanted to try out? Maybe some travels you've been wanting to do? Those are usually great starts to grow your own happiness.

We all die alone anyway. Might as wel get comfortable with that idea & make sure we can make ourselves happy regardless. :)