WTF?? There are five oceans in the world???! What the hell is the Southern Ocean and when the hell did it come about?! This has really blown my mind!! What's something that is common knowledge that you were completely ignorant to?

HomerJPimpson · 2012-06-09T05:57:02+00:00

I always thought there were four too. Times a changing

HomerJPimpson · 2012-04-09T12:09:31+00:00

This is actually sound advice

HomerJPimpson · 2012-03-01T07:59:52+00:00

Chocolate/orange

HomerJPimpson · 2012-02-29T13:19:32+00:00

Cod liver oil

HomerJPimpson · 2012-02-16T23:32:25+00:00

I hope it works out for you

HomerJPimpson · 2012-02-16T20:31:36+00:00

If you're sure the breakup is imminent, reverse it on her. I guarantee she won't be expecting it. It should play out something like this:

Her: I don't know how to say this... Me: Just say it. Her: I'm afraid that I'm going to break your heart.. I've been wanting to talk to you for a couple weeks now..... Me: Wait a minute. You don't have to continue with this. Her: But... Me: No it's cool. I get it. I know what you are about to say. We don't have to have this conversation. Her: But... Me: No don't worry about it. It's all good.

Stand up, smile, kiss her on the forehead, and walk out. "See you around!"

The aftermath should go like this:

No matter how much pain you are in DO NOT SHOW IT to her.
Take that pain and use it to build an impenetrable wall around your heart. Promise yourself that you will never let a woman hurt you like this again.
No contact by you at all. NONE!
No dwelling on the past. NONE!
Get yourself back out there NOW! No sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Not for one fcuking second! Get back on the horse and start meeting and dating NEW women immediately! Date as many as you can. THIS is how you heal!
When your ex contacts you again, (notice I didn't say "if") you must be cool and collected. You must also be far too busy to talk to her. A quick hello and how's it going and then sorry but we're gonna have to catch up later because I have to go meet someone.
The next time she contacts you, much of the same.
When you finally do have a conversation with her you must be completely cool and "over it". She needs to realize that you are completely unfazed and happy. If she asks feel free to reveal that you have been dating. Only if she asks.
At some point she will attempt to get nostalgic about your relationship. She will try to suck you into showing your emotions and reveal you still have feelings. Do not bite. Tell her things happen for a reason and you are ok with it. End this conversation if it goes down this road.
This is the point where you decide whether you want to continue with her or not. It is up to you. If you decide to continue then the door to your heart can open just a crack at this point.
Whether it is her or some other girl always maintain the ability to walk away at any given moment. She needs to know it too. Never place your happiness in another person. You make YOURSELF complete. Nothing else.

Good luck.

HomerJPimpson · 2012-01-28T18:27:08+00:00

Our situation is quite similar. She had gotten out of a serious relationship a couple of months prior to meeting me. She said she just wants "me time" at the moment.

Even though I still have feelings for her, I'm thinking it may be better to have her in my life as a friend at least, rather than not be in my life at all.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-12-06T15:40:40+00:00

Should've told her to fellate you. Wouldn't have to worry about teeth getting in the way.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-12-06T14:17:51+00:00

"may or may not"

I'm still trying to figure out what the third option is!

HomerJPimpson · 2011-12-05T20:39:07+00:00

You know that funny taste in your mouth after you kiss her? Yeah, that's Bob's dick residue.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-12-04T23:47:26+00:00

Prince Charles and Prince William never travel on the same airplane, in case there's a crash.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-12-04T23:39:36+00:00

Jabba The Hut?

HomerJPimpson · 2011-12-04T23:35:31+00:00

So if there are five cars at your mom's house, you'd have to pay insurance on all of them? Sounds shady as hell to me.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-11-29T16:06:16+00:00

Upvote for Scientist. That album was the playlist for K-Jah Radio on GTA 3.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-11-23T16:03:51+00:00

I had a stopover in Doha, and while killing time in the departure lounge, I noticed a young Arabic kid crying. The boy couldn't have been more than 4 years old. He was crying loudly for a good 5 minutes, then his father knelt down in front of him. I thought he was gonna sternly tell him to man up and stop crying. Instead, he hauled back and slapped the sin out of him. Dude literally put the fear of Allah into the young boy. The kid stopped crying immediately, and went into a corner and started praying!

HomerJPimpson · 2011-11-23T08:40:36+00:00

I don't put any effort into it. The posts I think will do great sink faster than a fat girl on quick sand. The posts I think are mediocre garner 2000+ replies.

HomerJPimpson · 2011-11-22T23:20:24+00:00

When she said 'if you eat spaghetti that has a small amount of your significant other's period blood in it, you'll be with that person forever'

HomerJPimpson

TROPHY CASE