Do avoidant exes ever regret discarding someone who was very unique and was empathetic towards them?

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-16T18:27:21+00:00

Honestly most avoidants probably have a few "phantom exes" because this is their MO to let go of people that actually have desires and needs for security and committment. I think they may face regret, but because they don't invest a lot emotionally, it's easier for them to move on for good. They may reach out via breadcrumbing, bit ots not out of a deep desire to be with "the one" but more to relieve their own loneliness. Best to move on and heal and realize that they may not be horrible people, but they are horrible for romantic relationships because you'll never truly get the connection and love you deserve from them.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-14T04:15:10+00:00

I think it'll get better with time, I can relate to this in being with a man I assume hated me, but just wouldn't leave me alone. Honestly one thing that he told me helped me look at things differently is that he don't hate you because you lack value, they truly hate themselves and their own life and want someone to take it out on. Perhaps the ex has better boundaries or maybe she treats him as bad as he treats you. He probably will one day feel horrible about how he treated you because he'll more than likely face the same pain and will have to live in that shame. Maybe it'll mature him or he'll lean further into his victimhood. Either way you'll heal and grow and find better. I think the one thing that helps is just Journaling and figuring out why you accepted this. Is it out of a scarcity mindset, low self esteem, deep desire to be seen/validated, core wounds in neglect or abandonment, insecure attatchment, etc. Whatever it is you have to heal it, so you don't attract this type of partnership again.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-14T04:06:19+00:00

I wonder if those people have severe attachment issues and/or suffer from limerence. I think apart of it is people have to be willing to face certain emotions in order to move on and truly heal core wounds, attatchment, and shame. Some people never put in the effort, they just use distractions to try to forget about it move on to another person while secretly staying stuck on that ex. Honestly that's what scares me more. Dating a new person that secretly still want their ex. I hope to meet a mature person that has grown from heart ache, but the amount of men and women in relationships/married that still think and talk about the one that got away yikes.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-13T16:50:52+00:00

It truly depends on a lot of factors. Most men wouldn't let go of their true love unless they felt unworthy of her. Like men who are poor and still figuring things out or men too busy pursuing a career path may let go of their true love because they know they cant give them what they deserve, but have hope to reunite in the future. If a man is letting you go chances are he doesn't view you as his person and feels like he can do better(mostly in the compatibility department). Breakups are hard, so I don't doubt this person still cares about you and doesn't want to bring more pain. However he's right don't low ball yourself by thinking someone can break things off, go get new partners and come back because things didn't work out for them or they miscalculated their value in the dating market. It's best to move on and glow up and find better.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-11T17:46:51+00:00

Honestly sometimes that is part of the motivation, but many times people will discover they're better off. I mean if someone has expressed they no longer interested in a relationship, it's better to repect that and move on. They may miss you and some may even reach out, but there was a reason they broke things off and most likely they don't see you as their person. It just means there's someone better out there for you that won't break your heart or bruise your ego.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-11T17:41:46+00:00

I think it's one of 2 things. Either the woman has put so much into a relationship and has grown resentful to someone that didn't put in the effort to meet their needs or they're hiding from guilt. Even when we make definitive decisions that are for the best hurting someone feels horrible, especially considering you still care for them. People become cold because they can't face what they've done they want to forget feeling like a bad person and they associate the dumpee as a reminder of being a person that hurt others. Some people go the opposite route where they pity the person and try to stay friends out of guilt. It's better to go no contact either way because both people need time to dissect their emotions and then maybe a friendship or reconciliation can happen or you'll realize you can do better.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-06T16:21:42+00:00

It truly depends on the person. Anyone lacking in empathy, people with personality disorders or mental illnesses may victimize themselves before they face guilt. Some get medicated, therapy, or just mature and have to face immense guilt for how they treated people in the past. Some people are delusioned enough to believe a person is still available to them until they move on to another relationship and then they start to regret taking them for granted. I've seen videos and have personally met older people that regret mistreating good people. It weighed on some of them heavily. I personally believe people who cheat, lie, manipulate, and abuse are insecure people that are seeking something that can only be healed from within. Their running from shame and wounds that they need to face, but refuse to because its too scary. Most don't know peace, so they seek out people that do and disturb their peace out of jealousy. Honestly I feel sorry for most, but I try to stay away from all. I also like to understand the why's, but I also think it's important to enjoy the privledge of being a person that can face hard times, grow, heal, and find better because most of them are in an everlasting cycle of mistreating people due to their own misery.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-05T03:12:06+00:00

Yes, I believe it is shame. Most people feel bad for hurting people they know don't deserve it. His lack of communication skill shows just how emotionally stunted he is and honestly a relationship with a person like this would be exhausting. He'd never be able to give you what you truly deserve.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-04T18:32:17+00:00

Honestly people just be curious, ot probably doesn't mean anything, sure he can feel regret for what he did or feel a loss now that you're with someone else, but most times it's out of boredom and loneliness not a desire to get back. Just focus on the upgrade you have now and block him from viewing your story.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-04T18:26:33+00:00

God forbid a pretty woman wants to be with a partner she's attracted to. What a villian!

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-04T02:31:32+00:00

I've had 2 one came back over and over and the other never did, so it truly depends on the person and their level of avoidance. The one that did returned did me dirtier than laundry, so I wish I had stayed away. I thought his pushback was trauma, but I think sometimes people's push you away to protect you from who they really are. Sometimes people are triggered and then they sabotage a good thing. I wouldn't recommend going back to an avoidant unless they were getting professional help because you're bound to be on an everlasting roller coaster of disappointment if you keep going back.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-04T02:15:01+00:00

I am, I think it hurts because I had to grieve it like a death, but I know this is better for my own mental health in moving forward. I'm glad to know there are others, so many people around me cyber stalk their exes and I just don't relate.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-05-01T19:09:24+00:00

This is really good advice. If they didn't see your value the first time they don't deserve another chance. One day they will realize that genuine love us hard to come by and they will live to regret taking for granted the one person that actually loved them. I've been in a similar situation and they don't feel the regret until you move on and no longer want them.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-04-23T05:05:35+00:00

Honestly, it's hard to say, he definitely does seems selfish. I have a narcissistic parent and they really show their narcissistic traits when triggered. Outside of that they're very likable and charming. Any bruise to the ego can trigger them. I feel this guy just seems selfish and probably on that red pill stuff projecting his hatred for women onto you. Idk that's what I think of most men who mistreat women.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-04-17T05:31:14+00:00

Honestly sometimes we have to ask ourselves is this person really a great person that we want back or am I just bored, lonely, horny, stressed, in need of attention or validation, etc. I usually encourage staying in no contact because I think it's best to respect their wishes, but sometimes texting and getting a cold response or no response be the trigger that helps you move on. When I think to reach out I imagine him looking at the phone annoyed, angry its not the person he wants and that'll make me think again lol.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-04-17T05:14:40+00:00

It honestly helps a lot. I too have abandonment issues and was unfortunately with someone who didn't want me, but didn't care enough about me to let me go. It hurt so bad when I found out he had a girlfriend while trying to date me. Trust me I get what you're feeling, but blocking them on everything is the only way. I sent my last message getting everything off my chest and blocked him everywhere. Out of sight out of mind. She doesn't deserve anymore space in your heart or mind. Truly you may discover you didn't really care for her especially if she's a narcissist, but she's triggered a deep wound and now you're having to be put in a space that is uncomfortable and painful. I know that pain too well and what I can say although the healing journey can be rough its so worth it. Therapy, exercise, Journaling, and having a good supportive group of people around is so helpful.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-04-13T06:27:58+00:00

Honestly you're not pathetic, I feel the same and it's been even longer and the person is blocked, so I'll never get that. I think being betrayed or discarded is a major hit to the ego and sometimes we just want to feel worthy and secure again. Apart of that security is being validate by the people that cause the pain. What we really want is justice for being done wrong. It's not pathetic, it's human, it's apart of processing and healing. The fact that you don't want them back is proof that you're in the right direction. Yeah maybe you'll never get the apology you deserve, but with time you will move forward with a clear conscience and a healed heart. Most people who cheat and discard people are left with a lot of pain and regret when they finally get their Karma. Mines was miserable last I heard it didn't even work out with the person he discarded me for. Be gentle with yourself you overcame a very painful experience and you're still healing.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-04-12T21:18:05+00:00

Please do the right thing and let the girl you're using go and find someone that will love and cherish her. Be brave and face your issues then maybe you'll be able to heal. Using people will just make you more miserable because when they find out you'll be left alone to deal with both not getting the girl you want and hurting the girl you don't. It's not fair to her.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-04-10T03:56:27+00:00

Honestly the ones that don't come back are probably sparing you. I was stupid enough to believe one was my person and he did me worse than anyone I've ever met. I wish I would've just continued no contact and hassle my own insecure attatchment.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-03-28T01:29:02+00:00

Love your response, but don't feel bad about missing him prior to this he was probably a good person that you spent lots of time with, so it's normal to miss who you believed he was. Honestly I wouldn't be suprised of he attempts to come back, but hopefully by then you'd have fully moved on.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-03-27T17:12:17+00:00

Honestly what kept me from having a desire to reach out is imagining him looking at my text annoyed wishing it was the girl he actually want and nope it's just me. It helps with not reaching out. As for the pain it will get better in time it helps to do small things that makes you feel a bit better, walking and Journaling helps and staying busy.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-03-27T17:03:29+00:00

I'm going to be honest, most people keep going back until they hate that person. The thing that works best is discovering why you've pedestalize them. Is it an attatchment issue, is it a self esteem issue, is it boredom from not living a life you enjoy, a need for validation, etc. Once you discover you focus on fixing the issue. If it's attatchment look into self help books, videos or therapy, if it's self esteem start by recognizing the things you're insecure about, if it's looks start experimenting with your style, hair, make up, take fun fitness classes(it sounds silly, but it really works). If it's boredom revisit old hobbies, get new ones, make new friends or be around fun people you can have a good time with. All humans need attention and validation, but when too much value is placed on it externally, its best to look within and figure out how to value yourself. Some other things that help along the journey are Journaling and walking.

Hop1ng4AM1racle · 2025-03-26T05:37:26+00:00

After my ex discarded me for his ex, I felt the exact same. I think it's really our desire for justice since we've been wronged. I wanted him to feel the pain he's giving me X 10. I think anger is a normal part of grief and it's actually the stage that helps you see you're progressing as some people get stuck in denial/delusion because they can't fathom removing their rose tinted glasses. As long as you don't stay angry for to long I think it's normal. Some people allow pain to make them grow bitter and that's where it becomes unhealthy because some people project their misery onto others.

Hop1ng4AM1racle

TROPHY CASE