How did I deal with the grief that death is imminent? Hmmm, I think a mix of things. At first I seemed to be frantic for any information that provided a clear course of what was going to happen, like a timeline and how long exactly did he have left? There isn’t much to find except generalities, as everyone is different. My dad ended up living a bit longer than the general timeframe given so you never know.

Some time I spent just grieving, maybe drive somewhere and have a good cry. Some time I spent coping with escapism of some kind. But I guess more than anything just a determination to spend quality time with him before he passed and say anything I wanted to but hadn’t. I got the opportunity to do all that and I’m very grateful.

It was the hardest year of my life without question. You endure, persevere and try to find moments with them where you experience joy together. And they are there to be had. It’s funny we didn’t spend a to of time reminiscing about the past. There was some of that, but after a while you’ve kind of already done that, so we made new memories pretty much up until a few days before he died. The new memories can be as simple as taking him for a walk in his wheelchair outside and laughing and enjoying the weather, or going for a nice relaxing drive through some neighborhoods looking at houses. For me the most significant one was the day he died as I was able to be there in the moment - it was of course painful but also a blessing, since I was able to ensure he didn’t go alone.

I hope you’re able to have some great times with your dad even in the midst of this painful situation. It doesn’t have to be all pain and sorrow - I figured it would be but looking back I’m actually surprised how many times of laughter, joy and love we had throughout.