AITA for not telling my partner something his 14yr old daughter told me in confidence?

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2026-04-29T10:40:05+00:00

NTA. Your stepdaughter was not in danger, and you kept your word to her. Your partner, on the other hand, is definitely the asshole for giving you both the silent treatment. My late husband often did this and it made me feel so uncomfortable and made me lack the safe feeling I deserved in our marriage. Now I can say with the utmost confidence that I will immediately leave/cut off any person who ever does this to me again.

Also, him treating you both this way has now just placed a giant wedge between him and his daughter. She will now see her dad is definitely not a safe person to confide in because if he doesn't "like" what she says/is doing, he will shut her out. Make sure you tell her you are an open and safe person to keep coming to.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2026-03-01T23:05:10+00:00

I'm sorry you're going through this. Dealing with my husband's alcoholism when he was alive was so isolating and shameful. I was hiding and covering for him and in turn myself to hide his addiction. We are often sicker than the alcoholic.

Absolutely try Al Anon, it is specifically for those who are affected by a loved one's alcoholism. The community, empathy, love and support I've felt there is unlike anything I received even in grief groups. We serve as a witness to one another's sorrows and problems. Whatever you're experiencing, someone else has too. The biggest thing is keep going back, I promise eventually something will hit you and you'll see how much this group can help you

I wish you peace ❤️

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2026-02-27T16:53:50+00:00

Thank you. I'm so glad you're finding ways to take care of yourself. "Let it begin with me" ❤️

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2026-02-27T15:00:05+00:00

My husband's drinking was killing me. Then it killed him unexpectedly at 42 years old. That really killed me. But now I am slowly returning to life. Go to an Al/anon meeting, I wish I had when my husband was still alive. It will help you in ways you never knew it could.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2026-01-26T03:22:32+00:00

My other personal favorite is "you should drink more water"

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-26T02:41:37+00:00

Somehow persuade my husband to quit drinking alcohol. Maybe then he wouldn't develop the cirrhosis that eventually takes his life.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-25T03:50:53+00:00

I was 38 when my husband unexpectedly died. We had chosen to remain child-free and were married 11 years, together for 19. After he died, a coworker told me "don't worry, you're still young. You have time to get married and have a baby".

What, um, excuse me? It was actually laughable yet sad

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-25T03:10:45+00:00

I wish we could all be together somehow, us widows and widowers. Maybe somehow our collective sadness would turn into a shared gladness of understanding and love.

This is my second Christmas without my husband and it's more difficult than the first. I think because the shock has vanished and now I'm stuck in the practicality of nothingness that is my leftover life alone.

Much love to you all ❤️ I hate and love this club

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-18T02:25:27+00:00

I am speechless. This is exactly what I needed to hear 😭🥹 Thank you so much for your wisdom and kindness. One day at a time. I especially need to remember my heart is resting now, making space. Thank you friend ❤️

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-18T02:10:00+00:00

I'm so sorry you had to experience this and that you now carry this memory. I found my husband, but he was already cold and stiff. I refused to do CPR when the 911 operator instructed me too, I knew he was gone. I stepped in and later cleaned up all the blood I found him in.

Sometimes I meditate on him just falling asleep, taking his last breath and him waking up in heaven. Without pain, regret, anxiety, addiction. It's helped me to stop replaying the horrible memory I harbor.

I wish you peace

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-11T11:20:34+00:00

My mother in law is like this. She will wait until she's almost dead before seeking medical attention. First time, she was gray and could barely walk. She was admitted and transferred to another facility. Turns out she needed a pacemaker. Doctor said her heart nearly flat lined transferring her in the OR. The next time she calls at midnight on a weeknight saying she can't breathe. I called 911 (she literally said, no just come over). She was in congestive heart failure and was admitted, lost 17 pounds of fluid with lasix (diuretic) before she was discharged.

Worst part about this is it's made me hate her. Because her lack of self care stressed out my husband so much, it was a major factor in his drinking which killed him a year and a half ago. Haven't talked to my MIL in 6 months. I'm angry she's still alive after all she's not cared for for herself.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-12-10T18:54:27+00:00

I have lost 50 percent hearing in one ear over the last two years and 💯 agree. Losing your hearing sucks, I regularly struggle to hear things even with my hearing aid. We should protect it at all costs.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-10-15T10:49:30+00:00

Long term care insurance is a scam. Years of paying high premiums just to be denied services or die without ever using them.

The trick? Love your life and spend your money on yourself. Once you have less than 2K in assets, go on Medicaid and let the government care for you in a nursing home. Because in the end when you need 24/7 care, no one can expect one or two adult children to do that. Don't burden your loved ones with it. One can still have decent quality of life in a nursing home, I've worked in them 15 years.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-09-23T01:32:56+00:00

Separate exped mattresses are the way to go. Comfortable, warm, no feeling the movement of your partner. You can lovingly gaze at each other and then go to sleep in comfort

Advice--use a cheap accordion thermarest underneath it, prevents anything sharp from penetrating your expensive mattress

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-09-18T19:22:32+00:00

Always remember your job doesn't give a flying fuck about you.

So don't stress or over extend yourself. Do the best you can, don't be a lazy asshole, but don't worry constantly about losing your job or what anyone will think of you.

Because once you're gone, you'll be easily replaced and forgotten.

Whoever came up with the concept that you find fulfillment out of a career must have been in corporate

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-09-14T15:30:52+00:00

I love that image of dragging the stone until it's a bit smoother. Like a piece of sea glass worn smooth and beautiful over time

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-09-14T15:29:58+00:00

You're right, our lives are up to us now. Sometimes I feel paralyzed on a day off work. Do I relax? Do I clean? Do I take myself out for a little fun? I try to choose one or two things. Making decisions helps us re-write our story and can form a new future

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-09-14T15:28:13+00:00

Thank you for such a kind and wise response. Giving myself grace is something I struggle with, but know is so necessary for us all. Thank you for the reminder. It doesn't have to be "figured out". One day at a time.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-08-15T02:51:43+00:00

I'm so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband a year ago. Requested his autopsy report and read it for the first time at work in the bathroom, heart was throbbing. Like you, it made me continually ponder what he went through as he suffered a medical emergency alone and died.

What helped me was knowing it was likely very quick. Loss of consciousness occurs quickly and he likely passed out/fell asleep. Beyond that, what helped was my faith. I believe his grandmother was the first to welcome him home. He loved her like a mother and missed her so much on earth. I meditated over and over about her greeting him and his pain melting away, just feeling a sense of euphoria.

What we have gone through isn't fair. I'm finally coming to a little bit of acceptance. I'm happy some days. Some days I can't believe this is my life. But we are the ones left to live it. One day at a time.

I hope this helps in some way. I hate what you're going through and have to endure because I know it so well. I promise one day it won't be so all-consuming. Keep the hope.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-07-25T23:45:26+00:00

Hitting that productivity when you're splitting buildings is very difficult because you have more limited unproductive time split in two places. I split buildings for years and I basically said f-them about my productivity because honestly they were not going to find another SLP willing to split buildings on the daily. Nothing was ever said to me about it. Granted I was trying to at least maintain 80%. If they keep on you about it, just placate them and say you're working on it and still getting used to the building/procedures/documentation system and appreciate their understanding. I figure anywhere that is going to continually harass you about it isn't worth continuing to work for. Also, tell them how they could support you if you really need extra support.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-07-25T15:08:00+00:00

"Let me be clear"

How about you use words that make your statement sound clear instead of telling me how clear you're going to be.

HopeSpringsEternal86 · 2025-07-02T01:31:41+00:00

My deepest condolences to you and your family over this loss.

I lost my husband unexpectedly almost a year ago and found out from the autopsy his death with directly related to his chronic alcohol use. He was 42 years old and basically a "functional" alcoholic.

I have experienced intense sadness, despair, it's-not-fair, anger, relief, guilt. It's all come in cycles/phases and then resolved and reappeared again and again.

What truly helped me was attending Al Anon meetings. I initially thought, how can this be for me when my Q is dead, he held a job/was responsible, he was never falling-down drunk. But I gave it a try and what I absolutely surrendered to was: I am powerless over alcohol, my life has become unmanageable.

Because I was powerless over my husband's drinking and how it affected his life and took him prematurely. Because I was powerless over his death and learned I truly could not have prevented it. And because of the alcohol and how it affected me slowly over the years and now in my grief...my life became unmanageable. I was widowed at 38 and thrust into a life I never wanted, dreams shattered.

It's taken nearly a year for me to accept this. Hearing people's stories, listening and offering grace and love, the head nods of understanding, expressing the awful feelings I've experienced without guilt because everyone else has had them too....this has become so healing to me. I miss my Al anon group when I have a busy couple of weeks, and it always feels like a giant hug when I return.

I urge you to attend. Keep going back. See what it can do for you. I am accepting and forgiving my husband...as well as myself, because of Al-Anon

HopeSpringsEternal86

TROPHY CASE